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#Post#: 10946--------------------------------------------------
Fasten Your Seatbelts, It's Gonna be a Bumpy Night--Update sort
of
By: ZekailleTasker Date: August 7, 2018, 4:52 pm
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I keep editing and this keeps getting longer. Trying again.
Without going into detail, after thirty plus years in what might
be an entry level position, several of my coworkers and I were
promoted way up the ladder. Unfortunately, this was done
without training, classes, teaching or any kind of professional
support system. It's sink or swim.
As a result some of us (myself included) are in danger of losing
our positions because our leadership skills are lacking. One
coworker is struggling with his staff who still see him as "good
old Bill".
I am stuck with "Eve." She was a library page who was studying
at night. I helped her with her studies. When she got her
degree, I campaigned to get her promoted from support staff to
professional staff. When my then boss said "What do you think
of Eve for this position..." I said "Yes! She has great ideas
and an excellent work ethic." (Which she did at the time.) She
is good at what she does. I have been happy to write her
letters of reference and recommendations.
Today I found out that she is Eve Harrington and I am Margo
Channing. She isn't after my job but she has developed an
attitude that could comfortably hold all of Australia with room
for Texas to rattle around. She has managed to tick off the
rest of my staff, weasel out of doing work, go behind my back to
whine at MY supervisor when things don't go her way and slacks
off on projects SHE proposed. According to my supervisor, she
has been bad mouthing me to patrons.
If I don't "get my act together" and get her under control, I am
probably going to be out of a job.
I admit I am at a loss as to how to proceed with her. Where she
used to be charming, calm and funny, she now has this chip. She
has zero respect for me apparently BECAUSE I was nice to her.
Now it's on me to learn to be a b***h. This does not come easy
for me. I've been a people pleaser since the age of six months
and it is something that was instilled in me growing up.
Everyone but me has to be happy.
I have a partial plan: I am getting some counseling on how to
be a boss b****h and plan to take seminars on becoming a
supervisor to former peers. I document like crazy.
And no, I will never be allowed to fire h er, not even if she
starts murdering patrons and turning them into craft projects.
Here's what I really want to ask and it is probably impossible:
I know I can learn all about being the worst bad a$$ ever. But
just thinking about it gives me stomach cramps--and I am an
adult who should know this. (I was a supervisor in publishing
before I became a librarian. Never had a problem doing
discipline and performance reviews. The years have not been
kind. I know there are no magic formulas or words. I want to
know if there are "tricks" or psychological "gimmicks" to psych
yourself into a supervisor zone. I want this job for at least
another 2 or three years. Even if Eve is transferred, I want to
be the one to bring her back into line.
If anyone has a "this worked for me" moment, please share. If
you would rather not turn this into a thread, I will gratefully
accept PMs.
Thanks in advance. And if anyone is having similar trouble, we
can form a support group. ;D
#Post#: 10957--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fasten Your Seatbelts, It's Gonna be a Bumpy Night--if I can
learn how to make it one.
By: AnnaT Date: August 7, 2018, 6:55 pm
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If you have no spine except when your staff are being threatened
by clients, pretend she is a client. She is not only
threatening your job security, she is probably making others in
your staff uncomfortable - she is the client that is threatening
your staff...
And anybody can be fired, you just need to make really sure you
have everything documented - and, if possible, not just stuff
you've written down, but electronic replies she has given.
Nobody should be unfireable just as nobody should be fired
without just cause.
#Post#: 10961--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fasten Your Seatbelts, It's Gonna be a Bumpy Night--if I can
learn how to make it one.
By: ZekailleTasker Date: August 7, 2018, 6:58 pm
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[quote author=AnnaT link=topic=595.msg10957#msg10957
date=1533686129]
If you have no spine except when your staff are being threatened
by clients, pretend she is a client. She is not only
threatening your job security, she is probably making others in
your staff uncomfortable - she is the client that is threatening
your staff...
And anybody can be fired, you just need to make really sure you
have everything documented - and, if possible, not just stuff
you've written down, but electronic replies she has given.
Nobody should be unfireable just as nobody should be fired
without just cause.
[/quote]
You know, that idea did occur to me. I've edited my previous
post because it was almost unreadable, but yes, I have no
problem giving unmanageable patrons hail columbia. And I was
thinking that "Why can't I just pretend Eve is a patron?" It's
worth a try. Thanks!
#Post#: 10965--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fasten Your Seatbelts, It's Gonna be a Bumpy Night--if I can
learn how to make it one.
By: TootsNYC Date: August 7, 2018, 7:59 pm
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Here's another way I steel myself to be firm and to stay in
control, and to be authoritative:
I channel my inner daycare worker.
(a good one, of course)
Also--talk short. Going on and on weakens you.
Script what you want to say for almost all types of
interactions, and practice them in the shower. And practice
STOPPING and waiting.
Learn the power of the word "nevertheless." Use it whenever she
tries to argue back.
I have two modes: reprimanding, and problem solving. Snotty
attitudes don't get problem solving. I would be prepared with my
"this is a snotty attitude problem and you need to knock if off"
speech, and be ready to say, when she fires something off: "I
need to speak with you--would you come with me?" Give her the
speech, and then (shocking, I know) I do NOT leave room for them
to answer. This is an attack (of sorts), it is not an exchange.
"That's all there is to say. You need to change this. I'll
be watching to see how you do." Stand up, leave the room, the
conversation is over.
(Problem solving is when there's actually something you can
train someone on. This isn't that.)
This makes me flaming mad:
[quote]If I don't "get my act together" and get her under
control, I am probably going to be out of a job.
And no, I will never be allowed to fire her, not even if she
starts murdering patrons and turning them into craft projects.
[/quote]
Oh--they can fire YOU, but they can't fire someone who is
actively creating problems in the workplace? I might point that
out. If they fire you, they will still be stuck with her, and
she won't make life any easier on the next boss. She'll be
saying, "Ha, I got ZekailleTasker fired; you can't boss me
around!"
#Post#: 10966--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fasten Your Seatbelts, It's Gonna be a Bumpy Night--if I can
learn how to make it one.
By: Hanna Date: August 7, 2018, 8:00 pm
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Askamanager.org is so so helpful.
It really changed my attitude when I realized that some things I
find tough to do are simply my job. Maybe that will help you to
do things that are out of your comfort zone. It’s your job to
get her in line and keep her that way.
#Post#: 10967--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fasten Your Seatbelts, It's Gonna be a Bumpy Night--if I can
learn how to make it one.
By: TootsNYC Date: August 7, 2018, 8:01 pm
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Oh, and another mindset that has worked for me is to take it out
of the personal.
"The job needs this from you."
"The workplace needs this from you."
"Your colleagues need and deserve this from you."
So it's not about how she's treating you, personally--she is
creating a miasma of unpleasantness.
Making the subject of the sentence be "the job" takes it out of
the personal--for me AND for her--and it reminds me of the
truth. It's not about "I mind this, and other people might not."
It becomes an absolute.
(Especially useful if the person is not doing the job right. I'm
not being critical--the job needs you to put the books on the
shelf, and you're not doing it.)
#Post#: 10999--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fasten Your Seatbelts, It's Gonna be a Bumpy Night--if I can
learn how to make it one.
By: bopper Date: August 8, 2018, 9:10 am
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I agree...Read Ask a Manager
E.g.
HTML https://www.askamanager.org/2015/08/how-to-handle-a-coworker-who-doesnt-respect-your-authority.html
HTML https://www.askamanager.org/2015/04/5-ways-to-lose-your-teams-respect.html
#Post#: 11171--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fasten Your Seatbelts, It's Gonna be a Bumpy Night--if I can
learn how to make it one.
By: ZekailleTasker Date: August 9, 2018, 6:31 pm
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I have an update of sorts:
My boss just informed me that Eve called him for a "chat". She
wants to talk to him about getting a transfer. Now I know who
it was who has been telling him (word for word) about our branch
staff meetings.
Unfortunately, I won't know how this turns out for a few weeks
because I will be away for a few weeks taking care of a family
emergency.
My boss doesn't really want to transfer her because no one else
wants her, either.
You know what really rattles my chains? I turned myself inside
out for this girl and have defended her from those who were
trying to get her fired. I have genuinely enjoyed working with
her and found her to be a lot of fun. This morning we were
discussing (with great excitement on her part) some ideas we
want to try for programs in the fall. She was saying how much
fun it was to work here.
And all the time SHE is the one who has been ratting me out (for
what, I don't know) and telling everyone I am a lousy manager.
I hope she doesn't want to get another job somewhere else. I've
given her two glowing reviews in the past for jobs she applied
to outside this city. I can guarantee she won't be getting a
third.
#Post#: 11203--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fasten Your Seatbelts, It's Gonna be a Bumpy Night--Update s
ort of
By: TootsNYC Date: August 10, 2018, 8:27 am
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then again, if you give her a good reference, maybe she'll get
that job and go out of your life
#Post#: 11207--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fasten Your Seatbelts, It's Gonna be a Bumpy Night--Update s
ort of
By: Hanna Date: August 10, 2018, 9:10 am
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From reading your OP I’m wondering why you feel your own job is
at stake?
Also, you don’t have to to be a bada** or a b***h to be a good
manager! None of my bosses have ever been like that, but I liked
and respected them all.
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