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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 11111--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
DIR By: Model
Date: August 9, 2018, 10:11 am
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--- Quote from: bopper link ---
>
> Read this before you get her too involved:
>
>
HTML https://narcissisticmil.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/grandparent-grooming-1-what-it-looks-like/
>
--- End Quote ---
This it is a very interesting read, I'm not seeing any
connection with this and the OP's situation.
#Post#: 11120--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
DIR By: GfMama
Date: August 9, 2018, 10:57 am
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--- Quote from: bopper link ---
>
> Read this before you get her too involved:
>
>
HTML https://narcissisticmil.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/grandparent-grooming-1-what-it-looks-like/
>
--- End Quote ---
Im quite versed in narcissism as I was raised by one (mom). I
don’t think mil is necessarily a narc or toxic. She is the
strong matriarchal/martyr type of the family but definitely not
completely toxic (everyone has one or two situations where they
could claim toxicity). Thank you for attempting to explain
though. She is a bit controlling/guilting but not a narc.
#Post#: 11123--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
DIR By: wonderfullyanonymous
Date: August 9, 2018, 11:13 am
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Never mind, I managed to mix this post and the other Grandma
post up.
#Post#: 11153--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
DIR By: Sycorax
Date: August 9, 2018, 3:46 pm
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From what you've posted about your MIL, OP, I don't see why you
just can't ask if your kid could be included in the Grandma
camp.
#Post#: 11226--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
DIR By: bopper
Date: August 10, 2018, 1:11 pm
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--- Quote from: Model link ---
>
> [quote author=bopper link=topic=591.msg11101#msg11101
date=1533824050]
> Read this before you get her too involved:
>
>
HTML https://narcissisticmil.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/grandparent-grooming-1-what-it-looks-like/
>
--- End Quote ---
This it is a very interesting read, I'm not seeing any
connection with this and the OP's situation.
[/quote]
like I said, the grandma could be clueless or toxic. IF toxic,
the narcissist types start separating the "golden children" from
the "Scapegoats". Teh OPs child could be one of the scapegoats.
Then Grandma wants full control over the kids (grandma camp) to
groom them to think how great grandma is an to be able to start
influencing her power over them.
#Post#: 11397--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: August 14, 2018, 2:42 pm
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Any update? OP - Did you have a conversation with your MIL?
#Post#: 11400--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
DIR By: GfMama
Date: August 14, 2018, 3:05 pm
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I actually did was was planning to update. My hubby just got
home so I have a few free minutes to update. So......
we were at mil house this weekend. We arrived a bit before the
others (their kids have Weekend sports and activities) and so I
asked if she was doing grandma camp this summer. She said yes,
then asked “why, are you interested?” I beamed! I was so happy
thinking everyone here was right, mil must have been waiting for
me to ask. I gushed. I told her that ds would absolutely LOVE to
attend and that I could come and help out. I said we didn’t have
to come every day but I thought that ds would love to be
included!! 🙌 she then asked if older daughter was home
from cousins yet and I said yes and told her when dd got home
and how much fun she had. Mil suggested maybe dd could watch ds.
I agreed that it would be ok to send dd with ds instead of me to
help out. Mil then said that what she meant was maybe dd could
stay at home and watch ds while *i* helped out :/ “you want me
to leave ds at home to be babysit while *i* come to grandma
camp?” Lol. I’m so glad dh was there to actually hear that.
Before I even gathered my thoughts dh said that there was no way
that would work out. Mil went on to explain that if ds was there
while I was there, I’d be more likely to just help ds and not
all the kids. I took the opportunity to tell her that in the
future, she shouldn’t tell ds about grandma camp and how much
fun it was if he wasn’t invited. She thought it was weird that I
didn’t want her to “talk to ds” but I gave the handy dandy
example of not talking about bday parties to others that weren’t
invited.
I think I got my answer though. Mil seems overwhelmed with four
kids at once and would like help. It still doesn’t answer why
she’s never once asked for ds on his own for an activity but
it’s dealt with and put on a shelf. I’ll remind her the next
time we go after camp to not mention it.
#Post#: 11404--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
DIR By: chigger
Date: August 14, 2018, 3:17 pm
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My advice is to pack up your kids and yourself, and flee this
f'd up family! Your husband sucks and he learned it from his
mother! I believe you were BlendedFamily on the old board and
the shit that came your way from both your husband and his
family is off the rails and you really need to protect yourself
and walk away.
#Post#: 11421--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
DIR By: lacoloratura
Date: August 14, 2018, 10:27 pm
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Wow. I suspect I would have been struck speechless, but if I'd
have had the presence of mind, I'd have said something like,
"Wow. Thank you for showing me exactly where my child stands
with you" - and then she would never have seen or spoken to me
or my child again.
#Post#: 11423--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
DIR By: lakey
Date: August 14, 2018, 11:51 pm
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Congrats for letting your MIL know where you stand. You can't
force her to treat your son better, but you can protect him from
her discussing this in front of him. It sounds like she is just
too clueless or self centered to understand how wrong it is for
her to discuss Grandma Camp in front of him. You are on the
right track in dealing with her.
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