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#Post#: 10937--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
By: GfMama Date: August 7, 2018, 4:24 pm
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[quote author=Lula link=topic=591.msg10919#msg10919
date=1533671689]
I just can't get over your DH responding to your son's crying by
calling him a spoiled brat. Feeling loved and included in one's
own family is not on the level of having the latest toy. Adults
cry when denied this.
[/quote]
My son is an extremely good boy and I rarely need to say no to
him. Dh thinks not saying no makes him spoiled. I think that I�m
not going to say no just for the sake of saying no to �teach him
a lesson�; to me that�s not reasonable. So, when I DO have to
say no, his response is to cry. Maybe this does make him spoiled
in some people�s eyes, I�m not sure.
#Post#: 10938--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
By: GfMama Date: August 7, 2018, 4:28 pm
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[quote author=JeanFromBNA link=topic=591.msg10934#msg10934
date=1533675643]
How often and under what circumstances does your youngest son
and older children see Grandma now?
[/quote]
Quite a bit. In the summer we go over mostly once a
week(sometimes 2-3 times to swim in the heat), and in the winter
maybe twice a month. We also go for every major and minor
holiday (Xmas, Easter, tday, moms day, dads day, Canada day,
long weekend in may ect). We also celebrate each of our 20 bdays
at mil house (some are paired up if they�re close)
#Post#: 10944--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
By: TootsNYC Date: August 7, 2018, 4:44 pm
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[quote author=Lula link=topic=591.msg10919#msg10919
date=1533671689]
I just can't get over your DH responding to your son's crying by
calling him a spoiled brat. Feeling loved and included in one's
own family is not on the level of having the latest toy. Adults
cry when denied this.
[/quote]
Yeah, this bothered me too.
My reaction was that your DH didn't think he could say anything
to his mom (that she wouldn't listen, or he wasn't allowed) and
so he's focusing on the one person he CAN have an affect on,
which is his son.
But what an abandonment of his kid! Talk about your dad not
having your back!
Even if Dad is too chicken or to ineffective to approach
Grandma, there are much better ways to help your own kid come to
terms with rejection.
#Post#: 11009--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
By: Bgolly Date: August 8, 2018, 10:17 am
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I hate to say this but I'm going to anyway. Sometimes we have
blinders on when it comes to our own children. Most parents are
guilty of this at one time or another. I would point blank ask
MIL why DS isn't ever invited. If she bean dips or offers lame
excuses you need to point blank ask if there is something in
your son's behavior that is turning off the other kids. My
sister always wanted our kids to have sleepovers together. She
loved having mine but I could not handle hers. They would not
listen to me or my DH even when we asked them very directly to
stop doing something. For example "please stop waving the
electrified fly swatter around the dinner table" while everyone
was seated (there were no flies) or "please don't eat the cake
in the living room. Take it to the dinner table". They would
just stare at us and resume the behavior. They would fight with
each other with the big brother often hurting his little sister
and making her cry. They are obnoxious with her too but she is
blind to it. Maybe your DS is not the problem but it would be
worth looking into.
#Post#: 11014--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
By: GfMama Date: August 8, 2018, 11:02 am
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[quote author=Bgolly link=topic=591.msg11009#msg11009
date=1533741443]
I hate to say this but I'm going to anyway. Sometimes we have
blinders on when it comes to our own children. Most parents are
guilty of this at one time or another. I would point blank ask
MIL why DS isn't ever invited. If she bean dips or offers lame
excuses you need to point blank ask if there is something in
your son's behavior that is turning off the other kids. My
sister always wanted our kids to have sleepovers together. She
loved having mine but I could not handle hers. They would not
listen to me or my DH even when we asked them very directly to
stop doing something. For example "please stop waving the
electrified fly swatter around the dinner table" while everyone
was seated (there were no flies) or "please don't eat the cake
in the living room. Take it to the dinner table". They would
just stare at us and resume the behavior. They would fight with
each other with the big brother often hurting his little sister
and making her cry. They are obnoxious with her too but she is
blind to it. Maybe your DS is not the problem but it would be
worth looking into.
[/quote]
I don�t think this is the case. If it were, I think he�d also
have problems in the school environment. Both of his teachers
said he got on well with all the other kids. When I�d drop
off/pick up for appts during the day, the other kids would rush
over, yelling his name and basically treat him like a rock star
lol (kids/adults/elderly just seem very attracted to him like
magnets)
#Post#: 11021--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
By: Aleko Date: August 8, 2018, 12:22 pm
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[quote]I don&#8217;t think this is the case. If it were, I think
he&#8217;d also have problems in the school environment. Both of
his teachers said he got on well with all the other kids. When
I&#8217;d drop off/pick up for appts during the day, the other
kids would rush over, yelling his name and basically treat him
like a rock star lol (kids/adults/elderly just seem very
attracted to him like magnets)[/quote]
It's still possible that in this particular group he misbehaves,
or just doesn't gel. If he's used to being 'treated like a rock
star' while his cousins take for granted that as he's the
youngest he should accept that he's the low man on the totem
pole, I can see him finding that very hard to adapt to.
Certainly I think Bgolly is right that you should at least check
that out.
#Post#: 11022--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
By: Jem Date: August 8, 2018, 12:29 pm
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I agree with PPs that various issues could be at play. OP, I
think the best course of action is to ask your MIL if your son
can come to her �summer camp.� Her response will guide you far
better than our guessing at what is going on. Based on
everything you have told us I bet there is some inncuous answer
like �I had no idea he would want to come!� But if there is some
�reason� at least asking and being told the reason will avoid
the guessing and resentment you are building up.
#Post#: 11028--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
By: Bada Date: August 8, 2018, 2:39 pm
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=591.msg11022#msg11022
date=1533749371]
I agree with PPs that various issues could be at play. OP, I
think the best course of action is to ask your MIL if your son
can come to her �summer camp.� Her response will guide you far
better than our guessing at what is going on. Based on
everything you have told us I bet there is some inncuous answer
like �I had no idea he would want to come!� But if there is some
�reason� at least asking and being told the reason will avoid
the guessing and resentment you are building up.
[/quote]
This. Everything else from you or from us is just speculation.
In your first post you said you were ready to ask her, but that
her spouse died and you wondered if that meant you should wait.
I say if Grandma is still doing her usual stuff (and isn't
postponing camp because she's in mourning or something), you
should act like you normally would and ask her about the camp.
And I agree with those who say to treat it like a accidental
misunderstanding rather than an intentional slight, so you don't
start off angry and doom the conversation from the start.
#Post#: 11030--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
By: camlan Date: August 8, 2018, 3:09 pm
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If you think it is mostly the fact that you are a stay-at-home
mom that is keeping your son out of Grandma Camp, you could try
presenting it from the angle that your son would really like to
spend that time with his cousins. And since you would like DS to
have strong bonds with his cousins, could MIL consider including
him in some, if not all, the activities of Grandma Camp.
#Post#: 11101--------------------------------------------------
Re: Mil leaves one grandchild out consistently
By: bopper Date: August 9, 2018, 9:14 am
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Read this before you get her too involved:
HTML https://narcissisticmil.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/grandparent-grooming-1-what-it-looks-like/
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