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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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DIR Return to: Etiquette Phrases and Tactics
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#Post#: 10740--------------------------------------------------
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
DIR By: sandisadie
Date: August 6, 2018, 10:17 am
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"Oh my gosh! you're that old!! You sure don't look like it" I
usually want to reply "just what is a person my age supposed to
look like?" I mostly just smile and go on without saying
anything. Youthfullness runs in my family on my Mother's side
and I'm not going to apologize for that!!
#Post#: 10755--------------------------------------------------
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
DIR By: Luci
Date: August 6, 2018, 11:27 am
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--- Quote from: sandisadie link ---
>
> "Oh my gosh! you're that old!! You sure don't look like it"
I usually want to reply "just what is a person my age supposed
to look like?" I mostly just smile and go on without saying
anything. Youthfullness runs in my family on my Mother's side
and I'm not going to apologize for that!!
>
--- End Quote ---
A small smile and "Thanks" is all I do.
#Post#: 10769--------------------------------------------------
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: August 6, 2018, 1:02 pm
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I am not sure that etiquette always agrees with me, but I always
look at the intentions of the person. These are just
conversations starters; the person is simply trying to converse.
Maybe there are better openers, but these are common enough.
Rather than take offense, I try to steer the conversation by
answering what the question that is really being asked.
'My, haven't you grown!' is really working towards "What have
you been doing all these years?" This is where the adolescent or
young adult can discuss activities, education, or career
direction.
'How does it feel to be Mrs [Bridegroom's surname]?' is really
"Gush to me about how wonderful your wedding/marriage is." I do
not think that the person is making any kind of assumption on
the name to be taken (or not), but this would be the perfect
opportunity for the bride to make the announcement. "Oh, I am
actually not going to be taking his last name, but the
wedding..."
'I've heard so much about you!' is just saying that you have a
mutual friend who has already mentioned you. I think that this
is an opener to talk about that friend or yourself or the other
person or really anything. It is simply acknowledgment that you
are not a complete stranger to them. Without this being said,
you may not realize that this person knows at least a little
something about you and could lead to other awkward moments.
I guess I just do not see them as all that terrible.
#Post#: 11169--------------------------------------------------
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
DIR By: oogyda
Date: August 9, 2018, 5:50 pm
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I know there are plenty who will disagree with me, but I'll go
ahead and put this out there regarding offense being taken when
referred to as "Mrs. (Groom'slastname)":
I understand that your name may not change once your married,
but Mrs. Groom'slastname is an appropriate *title*.
#Post#: 11219--------------------------------------------------
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
DIR By: Belle
Date: August 10, 2018, 11:31 am
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Like DaDancing Psych, I would view most of these, if
well-intentioned, as not-so-eloquent conversation starters. I
wouldn’t be offended by most of them.
--- Quote from: oogyda link ---
>
> I know there are plenty who will disagree with me, but I'll go
ahead and put this out there regarding offense being taken when
referred to as "Mrs. (Groom'slastname)":
>
> I understand that your name may not change once your married,
but Mrs. Groom'slastname is an appropriate *title*.
>
--- End Quote ---
I wouldn’t be offended by someone asking me how it felt to be
mrs. his last name (though I’ve always thought it a silly
question), but I would let them know that I kept my name.
However, I assure you that Mrs. His Last Name is NOT an
appropriate title for me, and anybody who continued to use it
out of some sense of etiquette would eventually be ignored. I
have a name, or if you truly want a title, call me Dr., but
calling someone by the wrong name is not appropriate.
Of course, I wouldn’t throw a fit or anything, but I did start
tossing mail unopened from my one relative who, after years,
continued to send mail to “Mrs. His First Name His Last Name.”
Sorry - nobody here by that name. (And this person was not an
older generation - in fact, her nearly 80 year old mother sends
mail with the correct name.)
Edited because apparently I can’t type well on a phone!
#Post#: 11250--------------------------------------------------
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
DIR By: guest725
Date: August 10, 2018, 8:18 pm
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--- Quote from: Rho link ---
>
> 'My, haven't you grown!'
>
> The obvious reply is
>
> My, haven't you aged?
>
--- End Quote ---
What an amusing response. I think everyone should say that,
especially kids. Teach them how to be a comedian early, the kind
that insults people. Great career aspirations.
#Post#: 11256--------------------------------------------------
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
DIR By: Aleko
Date: August 11, 2018, 5:27 am
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--- Quote ---
> I know there are plenty who will disagree with me, but I'll go
ahead and put this out there regarding offense being taken when
referred to as "Mrs. (Groom'slastname)":
>
> I understand that your name may not change once your married,
but Mrs. Groom'slastname is an appropriate *title*.
--- End Quote ---
I obviously haven't made myself clear. I never said, nor would
I, that any of the remarks I listed were offensive. I said that
they were futile (in that there is no polite response to them
other than a sickly smile) and were frequently annoying. Plenty
of remarks that are not offensive are intensely annoying . (I
often think, as my MIL picks up the restaurant menu, that if she
trills "Oh, this will be too much for me to eat, I have such a
small appetite!" one more time, I'll SCREAM. But I would never
assert that this remark was 'offensive'.)
And, Oogyda: if a bride decides not to change her surname on
marriage, 'Mrs Groom'slastname' is an only an appropriate title
for her in the sense that Mr Bride'slastname' is an appropriate
title for her husband.
Though, come to think of it, asking the groom at a wedding
reception "How does it feel to be 'Mr Bride'slastname'?" would
at least be an interesting conversational ploy.
#Post#: 11260--------------------------------------------------
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
DIR By: Venus193
Date: August 11, 2018, 6:25 am
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Count me as having been a teen who found the "My, how you've
grown" comment both ridiculously obvious and condescending. My
usual response was to roll my eyes. After the third time I
heard it as a teen I made a promise to myself that I would never
say this to any child.
#Post#: 11434--------------------------------------------------
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: August 15, 2018, 8:41 am
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It depends on the person. My friend's daughter loved remarks on
her height. I don't visit often, but every time I do, I'd
comment how she's grown and she'd brag how she'll be taller than
me by the time she's 10 :D. Now that she's a teenager, it's our
inside joke.
I wouldn't say it to a person I don't know as well though.
However, "How you've grown" or "You were just a baby the last
time I saw you" is just a thing to say just to make small talk
to break the ice. It may be eye-rolling for some, but for me, I
don't even remember it after a few minutes when it was used on
me as a kid.
#Post#: 11435--------------------------------------------------
Re: Conventional remarks to avoid
DIR By: Luci
Date: August 15, 2018, 8:48 am
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I don’t mind the ones mentioned, but whatever possesses a person
to say, "I used to change your diapers!"?
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