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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 10071--------------------------------------------------
Kicking out a bridesmaid... and having it go viral.
By: Two Ravens Date: July 30, 2018, 4:23 pm
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HTML https://thestir.cafemom.com/love/213484/bridesmaid-kicked-out-of-wedding-party
Just curious about everyone�s opinion on this
outrage-of-the-day. A bride kicks out a bridesmaid because she
�can�t be part of the whole thing.� Bridesmaid tweets a
screenshot hoping to get her flights refunded.
Who�s more rude?
#Post#: 10095--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kicking out a bridesmaid... and having it go viral.
By: caroled Date: July 30, 2018, 10:32 pm
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"Apparently you don't have enough time left, what with actually
trying to have a life and get an education, to be at my beck and
call, so I'd rather find someone else who can put forth all the
effort I feel might be needed...buh bye[emoji8]"
And as someone else on the internet said..." jumpsuit? girl you
dodged a bullet! "
#Post#: 10133--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kicking out a bridesmaid... and having it go viral.
By: Twik Date: July 31, 2018, 9:26 am
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I think it's clear there wasn't a "meeting of the minds" here.
The bride expected her BMs to be in constant attendance during
the lead-up to the wedding. This possibly involved not just
running errands, but setting up extensive (and possibly
expensive) parties and trips. The BM-to-be thought it involved
keeping in contact, and showing up on the day.
While I think the bride had inflated expectations (too much
watching rich people get married on tv, probably), I think she
was genuinely trying to "break the contract" in a diplomatic
way. She failed, because her ultimate message is "you're not
living up to what I expect, and I don't want you in my wedding
party." But at least she's trying the "it's not you, it's me"
way of breaking up instead of listing to the BMTB all of her
faults as a servant, I mean, friend.
I think the real fault lies with a bridal industry that's led
people to expect their friends to suddenly have unlimited time,
money and interest in the wedding.
#Post#: 10139--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kicking out a bridesmaid... and having it go viral.
By: Kiwipinball Date: July 31, 2018, 9:49 am
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[quote author=Twik link=topic=573.msg10133#msg10133
date=1533047193]
I think it's clear there wasn't a "meeting of the minds" here.
The bride expected her BMs to be in constant attendance during
the lead-up to the wedding. This possibly involved not just
running errands, but setting up extensive (and possibly
expensive) parties and trips. The BM-to-be thought it involved
keeping in contact, and showing up on the day.
While I think the bride had inflated expectations (too much
watching rich people get married on tv, probably), I think she
was genuinely trying to "break the contract" in a diplomatic
way. She failed, because her ultimate message is "you're not
living up to what I expect, and I don't want you in my wedding
party." But at least she's trying the "it's not you, it's me"
way of breaking up instead of listing to the BMTB all of her
faults as a servant, I mean, friend.
I think the real fault lies with a bridal industry that's led
people to expect their friends to suddenly have unlimited time,
money and interest in the wedding.
[/quote]
Yeah, I didn't find the letter as rude as some online did. I
actually heard it as fairly genuine in understanding that school
is the priority while as others apparently heard it as very
passive aggressive. It's not ideal to dump a bridesmaid (other
than for super egregious behavior), but it seemed like the bride
was trying to be kind. She did offer to reimburse for the
jumpsuit and postage to send it.
I don't think the bride's behavior was bad enough to justify
public shaming of any sort (it wasn't great, but it wasn't
horrible). However, the bridesmaid probably didn't expect it to
go viral. So I don't know that she intended to publicly shame
the bride in any way. But a not great situation was turned into
a much worse situation.
#Post#: 10144--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kicking out a bridesmaid... and having it go viral.
By: NFPwife Date: July 31, 2018, 10:33 am
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[quote author=Twik link=topic=573.msg10133#msg10133
date=1533047193]
I think it's clear there wasn't a "meeting of the minds" here.
The bride expected her BMs to be in constant attendance during
the lead-up to the wedding. This possibly involved not just
running errands, but setting up extensive (and possibly
expensive) parties and trips. The BM-to-be thought it involved
keeping in contact, and showing up on the day.
While I think the bride had inflated expectations (too much
watching rich people get married on tv, probably), I think she
was genuinely trying to "break the contract" in a diplomatic
way. She failed, because her ultimate message is "you're not
living up to what I expect, and I don't want you in my wedding
party." But at least she's trying the "it's not you, it's me"
way of breaking up instead of listing to the BMTB all of her
faults as a servant, I mean, friend.
I think the real fault lies with a bridal industry that's led
people to expect their friends to suddenly have unlimited time,
money and interest in the wedding.
[/quote]
I completely agree with the bolded. There's now a new,
Instaworthy, process of the bridesmaid "ask." It involves some
sort of gift and production of asking friends to be bridesmaids
- here's one kit you can pick up for just $79. -
HTML https://www.onehopewine.com/shop/product/will-you-be-my-bridesmaid-mini-gift-crate-gold-glitter-17?msclkid=f48ad0d6633c15056b2c8bb61c51954c&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=WP%20-%20Shopping&utm_term=4574930444222600&utm_content=All%20Products
I think the wedding industry has given brides loads of
unrealistic expectations of their attendants. I've heard calls
to Dave Ramsey, a financial talk show host, where bridesmaids to
be are in situations where the bride expects them to go into
extensive debt and most calls end with Dave coaching the
bridesmaid to be on how to set a boundary and say "Thank you for
asking me, I can't meet your expectations."
I heard a professional bridesmaid interviewed on NPR and I
thought, "Yes, that's what brides seem to want, a personal
assistant of sorts." (I'm not sure if it was this professional
bridesmaid, but her services look a lot like what was outlined
on the program.
HTML https://www.aprofessionalbridesmaid.com
To the letter, I didn't read it with tone and it seemed okay. If
I was the recipient, I might have interpreted tone, but I
wouldn't have put it on social media to shame the bride.
#Post#: 10146--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kicking out a bridesmaid... and having it go viral.
By: Luci Date: July 31, 2018, 10:43 am
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I agree with all of this, including the blaming the bridal
industry and the tone sent.
I don�t know how it was publicized. BM just asked for her money
back from the airline. They were understanding and did it.
No animosity anywhere. Just sadness.
#Post#: 10155--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kicking out a bridesmaid... and having it go viral.
By: Hanna Date: July 31, 2018, 11:58 am
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Man, you just never do something like that over email, if it has
to be done at all. You call and you come to a common agreement.

But I don't know what kind of person has those expectations of
anyone for their wedding. She should just hire people to stand
up for her instead.
and the part of the letter that said she might be able to get a
replacement sounds like she has very little attachment to who
does the job anyway.
The ex-bridesmaid did say this was about far more than one
email.
Putting it online was probably not her best moment, but I don't
think it's an egregious sin.
#Post#: 10186--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kicking out a bridesmaid... and having it go viral.
By: Despedina Date: July 31, 2018, 4:31 pm
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I don't know if I read the bride's email with a tone, but it did
say to me that the Bride was not happy with the amount of time
the bridesmaid was able to commit. Also I didn't fully
understand the time table - if the wedding was on a Sat and the
bridesmaid's flight out was Sunday night I fail to see how that
means the bridesmaid cannot be there for the full wedding? To
me the other things are optional (bachelorette etc).
It appears she posted on JetBlue's twitter and was desperately
trying to get the money back. Who knows how much it cost.
#Post#: 10204--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kicking out a bridesmaid... and having it go viral.
By: TootsNYC Date: July 31, 2018, 7:55 pm
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The part of it that really frosted me was the "please don't feel
you're letting me down."
Like, WHAT?!?!?
I think the wedding is on a Sunday, and the bridesmaid/friend
would have to leave midway through the reception or something.
I wouldn't want to go after that either.
I might cut her some slack because sometimes people get really
screwy around weddings, but that would be about it.
I'd mail her back the effing jumpsuit (along with the original
invoice, with the price circled in highlighter) and take a big,
long break.
I mean, by the end of the reception, I was ready for all my
friends and relatives to just go away; I was tired!
#Post#: 10291--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kicking out a bridesmaid... and having it go viral.
By: Hmmm Date: August 1, 2018, 2:48 pm
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I really wanted to side with the bride on this. However, after
reading her letter I just couldn't. While she tried to do this
is a nice way, her ultimate failing to me is she has fallen into
the trap of seeing her wedding party as "supporting cast
members" to her "Big Life Event Starring Role".
Did she pick her bridesmaids because she values her friendship
and wants them with her during her wedding. Or did she pick a
group of people she thought would be there to fawn over her
during her showers, bachelorette weekend, and entire wedding
weekend. Obviously, it is the second sense she kicked out the BM
because she is not participating in all events. She is placing
her desire to have her BM's at all events over how she values
her friendship with this woman.
Maybe if this friend is 1 of 2 of her bridesmaids, maybe I could
see her point. However, even then, I doubt the plans were to
have a bachelorette weekend with just BM's invited and not other
friends participating.
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