DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Entertaining and Hospitality
*****************************************************
#Post#: 10066--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: malfoyfan13 Date: July 30, 2018, 3:31 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
i would have asked the hostess about moving to the open spot.
If it's not my house, i'd feel weird about doing something like
that without asking.
I've had guests rearrange furniture during parties without
asking. Really annoying, especially since we had non-skid pads
on the couch feet (to keep them from skidding around on our wood
floors). The lady who was trying to move the furniture couldn't
figure out why the couch and loveseat wouldn't budge...LOL
#Post#: 10077--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: irises08 Date: July 30, 2018, 6:17 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
My thanks to everyone for your input and thoughts on this! I
was raised by parents who instilled good manners in me and this
stays with me!! I appreciate your validation that this guest
was rude and also appreciate your recommendations to prevent it
in the future!!
#Post#: 10078--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: Lilac Date: July 30, 2018, 6:18 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I agree that the guest was rude.
Being hosted at a private social function is not the same as
patronizing a restaurant or bar, where the paying customer has a
right to demand reasonable adjustments to the service. In a
private home, you don't usurp or second-guess the hostess.
In the case of a guest who literally could not participate due
to a disability, a discreet request can be made. But if it's
just a preference to sit next to Sue or get a view of the
backyard, it's not acceptable.
#Post#: 10135--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: Twik Date: July 31, 2018, 9:30 am
---------------------------------------------------------
At least she didn't do what participants in meetings often do -
pick the one place where you haven't put a setting (or, in
business, a handout packet), look up indignantly and ask "Where
are MY things?"
#Post#: 10282--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: dani321 Date: August 1, 2018, 12:32 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I don't think it would bother me that much, but it is kind of
rude and presumptuous. In a family situation as in Celestia's
comments, I don't think it would be a big deal whatsoever,
unless your parents are the most formal people ever! But I'm
having a hard time imagining myself going to a dinner party
that's formal enough that the table is already set (as opposed
to buffet style with plates etc stacked by the food) and moving
my place setting to another spot. Especially if the place
settings were marked for each guest. If there was a draft or
another reason to want to move, I'd probably ask the host if
they minded first. I am not big on formality, but I want to be
really gracious towards those who are, especially when they are
cooking for me!
#Post#: 10556--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: jazzgirl205 Date: August 3, 2018, 7:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I have a friend who always sits at the head of the table when we
invite him to dinner. Always. He sits in the place where dh
should be sitting. It bothers me more than I'd like to admit.
I never say anything, though because it just seems petty to be
that picky. If he only did it a couple of times I could just
think he was grabbing a random seat, but , since it is all the
time, he has to be doing it on purpose. I mean, who sits at the
head of the table in someone else's house? I'd feel silly using
placecards because it is usually just 3 to 5 people in a casual
setting. I really feel guilty for letting it get to me, but,
c'mon.
#Post#: 10565--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: TootsNYC Date: August 3, 2018, 9:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I think you should say something--early, before he sits there.
"Oh, Joe, would you sit here, so DH can sit at the head of our
table?"
Be very casual, not pointed, but say it.
And if he sits there, say, "Oh, that's DH's spot, since it's the
head of the table in our house."
I'm thinking of a Thanksgiving where a male guest sat in the
"head of the table" spot, but I think it was mostly because it
was a little hard to get to, and he was one of the first to take
a seat, and he wasn't doing any carrying of stuff to and from
the table (the way the host was, along with his wife, daughters,
and a couple others). It put the guest out of the way (other
guests sat at that end of the table with him.
But my FIL and my DH are pretty territorial that way, and
frankly, I'm with them! And you.
The other thing you could do is put something that's clearly
your DH's there--his reading glasses on the plate, or something.
So the place looks "claimed."
Then there's your DH saying, "Hey, that's my spot, buddy.
#Post#: 10585--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: Aleko Date: August 4, 2018, 2:37 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote]it just seems petty to be that picky. [/quote]
No, it's not petty or picky at all. There are always reasons why
the host and hostess sit where they do.
At home we have a very long dining table, and when it's just DH
and me we sit facing each other midway along. (We have tried
sitting at each end, but without either a butler or a Hornby
train set it just isn't viable.) But when we have guests I
always sit in the chair nearest the door so I can easily nip out
and get to the kitchen, and DH sits diagonally from me, furthest
from the door, so he can anchor that end of the table and make
sure everybody gets the second helpings and drink top-ups they
want and that nobody is left conversationally adrift. Sure, we
each could sit somewhere else, but this is what works best.
But when we have a really big gathering, another factor comes
into play. Our house is over 270 years old. Before buying it we
hired a surveyor specialised in historic buildings, who alerted
us that the oak floor (which is the original) isn't properly
anchored to the front wall. 'Don't worry too much about it', he
said. 'It's lasted two-and a-half centuries and should be good
for a couple more. Just don't put a massive sideboard or your
25-stone Auntie Mabel at the front end of the room and you'll be
fine.' So when we're feeding a dozen or more people, our seating
plans are drawn up based on the estimated weight of each guest,
which is not something one necessarily wants to explain to the
company, especially if some are truly overweight. So if we
invite you to dinner, just sit where we tell you to sit and none
of us will end up falling into the cellar, OK?
#Post#: 10599--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: Hmmm Date: August 4, 2018, 10:55 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=jazzgirl205 link=topic=569.msg10556#msg10556
date=1533343889]
I have a friend who always sits at the head of the table when we
invite him to dinner. Always. He sits in the place where dh
should be sitting. It bothers me more than I'd like to admit.
I never say anything, though because it just seems petty to be
that picky. If he only did it a couple of times I could just
think he was grabbing a random seat, but , since it is all the
time, he has to be doing it on purpose. I mean, who sits at the
head of the table in someone else's house? I'd feel silly using
placecards because it is usually just 3 to 5 people in a casual
setting. I really feel guilty for letting it get to me, but,
c'mon.
[/quote]
I wonder if he sat there the first time and now just feels like
it is his seat when visiting. Next time, have your husband set a
glass of wine or another beverage at that seat that makes it
clear that place is taken. Or ask your friend to help you in the
kitchen while everyone else goes to be seated including your DH
standing at his place at the table.
#Post#: 10603--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: TootsNYC Date: August 4, 2018, 11:36 am
---------------------------------------------------------
People do tend to gravitate to the same spot. Or make him a
specific-to-him treat and set it at a specific place-setting,
and then say, "Oh, George, that mai tai is for you."
Or do a fancy dessert w/ everyone's names on it, and use them as
place cards--it won't seem so obvious.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page