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#Post#: 9932--------------------------------------------------
a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: irises08 Date: July 29, 2018, 12:34 pm
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I hosted dinner for seven long time friends. My table can seat
eight people so I set the table for seven and of course, there
was one open spot. While I was in the kitchen preparing getting
the food ready, one of my guests picked up her table setting
(placement, napkin, silverware and dish) and moved it to the
open spot. I did not say anything but thought it was a bit
tacky to do this without asking. Am I being too picky? What do
you think? Thanks for your thoughts.
#Post#: 9934--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: jpcher Date: July 29, 2018, 1:46 pm
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My first thought, asking this gently, why did you leave an open
space? I'm wondering why you didn't spread out the place
settings so that the table was evenly spaced for a seating of
seven? It sounds like you left the eighth chair and open space
at the table?
My second thought comes from the bold/red below:
[quote author=irises08 link=topic=569.msg9932#msg9932
date=1532885688]
I hosted dinner for seven long time friends. My table can seat
eight people so I set the table for seven and of course, there
was one open spot. While I was in the kitchen preparing getting
the food ready, one of my guests picked up her table setting
(placement, napkin, silverware and dish) and moved it to the
open spot. I did not say anything but thought it was a bit
tacky to do this without asking. Am I being too picky? What do
you think? Thanks for your thoughts.
[/quote]
By saying her table setting does this mean you had an assigned
seating arrangement? Perhaps she didn't care for the person she
was sitting next to, or maybe the view?
My third thought -- It sounds like you called people to the
table before the meal was ready/served (giving her time to
rearrange the place settings).
I think you did the right thing by not asking about change in
seating arrangements. That would have put her on the spot and
caused an awkward situation.
Are you being too picky? No, I do think she was a bit rude with
what she did, but going forward there are ways that you can
avoid this situation:
1. Set the table for the amount of guests that you are
entertaining (removing extra chairs). I think this is key.
2. Call guests to the table when the meal is ready and served.
This way guests don't have time to rearrange things. Pick a seat
and enjoy!
I wouldn't hold this one time little thing against your guest. I
hope it was, otherwise, a successful, enjoyable event. ;D
#Post#: 9936--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: Rose Red Date: July 29, 2018, 2:15 pm
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I think it's rude. Maybe she likes a lot of personal space but
she should at least ask. If my seat was placed next to her, I'd
feel insulted if she made a production of moving away without a
word. Or wonder if she dislike me or if I smell. :P
#Post#: 9959--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: BunnyAndBandit Date: July 29, 2018, 7:06 pm
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It is kind of rude, I think. How did she know you didn't have an
open space to be able to move a centerpiece there or something
like that?
If she needed more space, she could have sidebarred you and let
you know that.
#Post#: 9969--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: Celestia Date: July 29, 2018, 8:25 pm
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Huh....if there were some problem with my seat, I would never
even think to ask before moving to one that was better. The
first thing that comes to mind is the chairs at my parents'
dinner table...the one I'm "assigned" to (the one I sat in when
I was a child) has arms that are too narrow for me now that I'm
grown. So I started sitting in an empty spot with a chair that
had no arms - easier than moving the chairs around!
I wouldn't have thought this would be rude...who is it rude to,
and why?
#Post#: 9990--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: Aleko Date: July 30, 2018, 3:37 am
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I think it is rude, yes. You obviously had made a choice where
to lay the seven place settings, and while it certainly might
have been a random choice, there also might have been good
practical reasons why you laid the table as you did. E.g. maybe
having that place empty gave you a clear line of sight through
to the kitchen, or made it easier to get round the table to
serve. It simply wasn't her place to alter your table
arrangement without asking you. It would have irked me too.
#Post#: 10003--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: Hmmm Date: July 30, 2018, 9:26 am
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Yes, she was rude to do so without asking.
I'm curious though how the table was set. Since you have a
table for 8, I'm assuming that you either had
-one table setting at the head and 3 settings on either side and
she move hers to the empty seat at the foot.
or
-one setting at the head and 1 at the foot and 3 settings on one
side and 2 on the other and she took the foot and moved it to
one of the sides.
I can understand in either scenario why a guest might feel more
comfortable with one arrangement over another (afraid of not
being able to hear if at the foot of the table, or wanting more
room to spread out if sitting with 3 on one side). But being
presumptuous to modify your arrangements without asking is rude
to you as the host. She has no idea why you set the table the
way you did.
I probably would have asked her why she moved "Sally, is there
something wrong with that chair? I noticed you re-arrange the
table settings."
#Post#: 10007--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: TootsNYC Date: July 30, 2018, 9:42 am
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[quote author=Celestia link=topic=569.msg9969#msg9969
date=1532913930]
Huh....if there were some problem with my seat, I would never
even think to ask before moving to one that was better. The
first thing that comes to mind is the chairs at my parents'
dinner table...the one I'm "assigned" to (the one I sat in when
I was a child) has arms that are too narrow for me now that I'm
grown. So I started sitting in an empty spot with a chair that
had no arms - easier than moving the chairs around!
I wouldn't have thought this would be rude...who is it rude to,
and why?
[/quote]
It's rude to the hostess/host. It's usurpring a right and
authority that is hers, as the hospitality offerer and master of
the house.
It also says, nonverbally, "I know better than you how things
should be arranged here in your house, at your dinner table."
Hospitality is a gift, and a guest's comfort is important, but
one doesn't announce that a gift is not good enough.
One might ask--"I would like a little more elbow room/to get
away from the sun; could I sit there instead?"
But it's really rude to do that when the hostess has assigned
seats; she may have done so for specific reasons, and she gets
to set up the format for the party.
You get the party your guests give you; if you want lots of
mingling and people just sit, well, that's the party--but the
hostess gets to set things up the way she wants.
Years ago, I hosted an open house to celebrate my DD's
religious confirmation. I set up little clusters of chairs w/
tray tables in the middle of them, so people would have a place
to set their plates. And I also hoped to have more movement, of
people getting up and moving around and talking to different
people.
My ILs' family used to take all the chairs (at other
gatherings) and push them up against the wall, and then they'd
pick a chair and sit there the whole night. I hated it! And this
wasn't an ILs-only party.
I mentioned to my husband that I hoped they wouldn't do that.
But when we got back from church (the event was "immediately
following"), several of them had followed us home, and they
promptly pushed all the chairs back against the wall, and they
plonked themselves in a single spot and never moved.
It taught me: You get the party your guests give you.
But they were also rude.
#Post#: 10017--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: GardenGal Date: July 30, 2018, 10:20 am
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I agree that your guest was rude to change the place setting
without asking your first. One more reason she might have
wanted to move -- she may be a little hard of hearing, and some
seating arrangements are better than others. My husband is deaf
in one ear (and it is nothing a hearing aid could help,
unfortunately), and always needs to sit in a certain position
relative to other people so that his one good ear is facing as
much of the crowd as possible. Also, some left-handed people
greatly prefer certain seating locations. But asking first
should always be the rule in someone else's home.
#Post#: 10030--------------------------------------------------
Re: a guest who rearranged the table setting
By: Celestia Date: July 30, 2018, 11:22 am
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Thanks for the reply. I'll know now!
I have trouble sometimes because things that don't bother me are
hard to realize might bother other people. I'm glad I ran across
this, or I would be the one just moving. I don't think it'd
bother me as a host...but then, I only host close friends, and
never in large groups.
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