gopher.createaforum.com/1/forums/badmanners/p/562/1

DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 10387--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Really, I am Sorry. SO
sorry. (Fixed now, I hope)
DIR By: myfamily
Date: August 2, 2018, 1:28 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
You brought gifts and took them out to dinner to thank them for
their hospitality.
You thanked them directly as you left.
You called them when you got home and thanked them again.
And you were expected to email a thank you as well? I am all
about saying thank you, but seriously, I wouldn't even consider
sending an email thanking someone after all those other thanks
were given. It seems like overkill to me.
#Post#: 10388--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Really, I am Sorry. SO
sorry. (Fixed now, I hope)
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: August 2, 2018, 1:47 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
This is reminding me of the quilter who was so offended that she
didn't get her thanks in writing.
I told that story here:
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com/new-board/is-this-ty-card-a-new-'thing'-or-a-bad-way-to-do-the-old-'thing'/?message=9112
#Post#: 10394--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Really, I am Sorry. SO
sorry. (Fixed now, I hope)
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: August 2, 2018, 2:20 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
This reminds me of a great aunt of mine. She would get SOOO bent
out of shape if you did not immediately reply to the birthday
card that she sent. Where most of the other family was pleased
with a thank you the next time we talked (which may be as long
as several months), she anticipated a phone call the minute you
received the card. Oh... and if someone more interesting
"beeped" into the call (call waiting), she would immediately
have to go. She made it quite obvious that she wanted you to
fawn over her, but that you were not the most important person
in her life. It is tiresome!
When my SIL came into the family and had a birthday, she was
unaware of the need for an immediate call. This aunt went up one
side of her and down the other. Ten years later, Aunt can't
figure out why my brother and SIL never call or mail... nor why
has she never really met their three kids. My brother (led by
his wonderful wife) doesn't want that drama in his life.
My parents have finally had enough of her shenanigans and are no
longer taking her calls. When they do pick up a call, it would
be riddled with guilt-trippy stuff of what they have failed to
do. Five months later, my aunt has been bugging my sister to get
her to get our parents to call aunt back... guess who's call my
sister is no longer accepting? Just yesterday, Aunt sent a
message through her granddaughter (my cousin). Aunt has my
contact details, so this was a rather unnecessary step. I think
her granddaughter was pushed into the contact, so I replied in a
way that I think was reassuring, but did not pull her into the
issue. It's really not my circus... let alone granddaughter's...
let alone my sister's. If aunt contacts me directly, I will take
her call... but the moment she pulls anything, then I am out. I
have no time for these silly games. But I digress. I guess I am
just trying to say that I understand how exhausting these kind
of people can be.
What I think I am learning is that good friends forgive and
overlook our mistakes. Sure, a prompt thank you is required, but
it sounds like you already did that. You treated your host while
you were there and I am assuming gave a verbal thanks on your
way out the door. This is probably a situation where a written
thank you is nice, but I think a good friend would already
understand how appreciative you are. I am never a fan of when we
tell posters that a friend is flawed, so you should dump them,
but I do think you we all need to weigh how important different
relationships are to us and how much effort we are willing to
put in. If she can be exhausting in these ways, but has other
redeeming qualities... do what you feel is appropriate and roll
your eyes at other comments. If you can't keep up with all the
life details, do what you can and not worry about what you
forget. I don't think being a good friend requires to remember
every single detail of someone's life... just making meaningful
connections when possible.
#Post#: 10444--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Really, I am Sorry. SO
sorry. (Fixed now, I hope)
DIR By: Aleko
Date: August 3, 2018, 2:07 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote ---
> When my SIL came into the family and had a birthday, she was
unaware of the need for an immediate call.
--- End Quote ---
DDP, didn't you mean to say 'Aunt's totally idiosyncratic and
unreasonable insistence on an immediate call'? I have never in
my life heard of any expectation, let alone requirement, that a
person receiving a birthday card should call the sender to thank
them. Prompt thanks for birthday presents, yes of course;
birthday cards, no.
Seriously: is this even a thing? Is there anyone here who would
expect a thank-you call for a birthday card, or knows anyone who
does?
#Post#: 10463--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Really, I am Sorry. SO
sorry. (Fixed now, I hope)
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: August 3, 2018, 8:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Aleko link ---
>
> [quote]When my SIL came into the family and had a birthday,
she was unaware of the need for an immediate call.
--- End Quote ---
DDP, didn't you mean to say 'Aunt's totally idiosyncratic and
unreasonable insistence on an immediate call'? I have never in
my life heard of any expectation, let alone requirement, that a
person receiving a birthday card should call the sender to thank
them. Prompt thanks for birthday presents, yes of course;
birthday cards, no.
Seriously: is this even a thing? Is there anyone here who would
expect a thank-you call for a birthday card, or knows anyone who
does?
[/quote]
Oh... please do not take my crazy aunt's behavior as anything
close to normal! Personally, I think that it is nice to mention
that you received the card and to thank the person for the
birthday wishes, but I would not expect an immediate call.
(Heck, even a present does not require one to drop everything.
You have a bit of a window to make contact.) My aunt just wants
everyone to think that she is the greatest. The cards are not
sent because she wanted to do something nice; they are sent
because she wants everyone to fawn over her. So please continue
as you were doing and do not let this woman convince you
otherwise!!!
#Post#: 10569--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Really, I am Sorry. SO
sorry. (Fixed now, I hope)
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: August 3, 2018, 9:57 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Aleko link ---
>
> [quote]When my SIL came into the family and had a birthday,
she was unaware of the need for an immediate call.
--- End Quote ---
DDP, didn't you mean to say 'Aunt's totally idiosyncratic and
unreasonable insistence on an immediate call'? I have never in
my life heard of any expectation, let alone requirement, that a
person receiving a birthday card should call the sender to thank
them. Prompt thanks for birthday presents, yes of course;
birthday cards, no.
Seriously: is this even a thing? Is there anyone here who would
expect a thank-you call for a birthday card, or knows anyone who
does?
[/quote]
Well, there are people who think that a greeting card is
actually a gift.
There's an etiquette thing where you're supposed to answer
letters.
But them together, and you've got Auntie!
#Post#: 10697--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Really, I am Sorry. SO
sorry. (Fixed now, I hope)
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: August 5, 2018, 5:50 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
> [quote author=Aleko link=topic=562.msg10444#msg10444
date=1533280042]
> [quote]When my SIL came into the family and had a birthday,
she was unaware of the need for an immediate call.
--- End Quote ---
DDP, didn't you mean to say 'Aunt's totally idiosyncratic and
unreasonable insistence on an immediate call'? I have never in
my life heard of any expectation, let alone requirement, that a
person receiving a birthday card should call the sender to thank
them. Prompt thanks for birthday presents, yes of course;
birthday cards, no.
Seriously: is this even a thing? Is there anyone here who would
expect a thank-you call for a birthday card, or knows anyone who
does?
[/quote]
Well, there are people who think that a greeting card is
actually a gift.
There's an etiquette thing where you're supposed to answer
letters.
But them together, and you've got Auntie!
[/quote]
Agreed. I know it's a bit corny sounding, but it is the thought.
Under normal circumstances, I would want to thank anyone for
sending a card and reciprocate on his/her birthday. But like I
mentioned, Aunt isn't doing this to be thoughtful.
#Post#: 10706--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Really, I am Sorry. SO
sorry. (Fixed now, I hope)
DIR By: Star Wars Fan
Date: August 5, 2018, 11:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
> You missed something--I hope you don't mind if I add it:
>
> [quote author=blueyzca link=topic=562.msg10307#msg10307
date=1533159331]
> If I visited with a "friend" and brought wine and chips and a
lemon cake and strawberry jam and homemade goodies and told her
how sorry I was to be leaving as she had made her home so cozy
for us and how much fun I had had, and I called her when I got
home and said thank you again, and then she had a conniption
because I didn't send a thank you note immediately, I'd find a
new friend.
>
>
--- End Quote ---
I wouldn't find a new friend, but I'd be really, really direct
about how this was Not Okay.
[/quote]
Well I'd be finding a new friend too. Because with "friends"
like that who needs enemies? Wow. Totally not OK and I wouldn't
put up with it and I'd just end the friendship and be done with
her. This woman's behavior is completely self-centered and
ridiculous.
Ed.
*****************************************************
Page 2 of 2
DIR Previous Page