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#Post#: 9913--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pot Luck planning etiquette
DIR By: TeamBhakta
Date: July 29, 2018, 8:55 am
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I have to wonder why the husband who doesn't eat pork couldn't
speak up for himself. It makes his wife look like a mommy
planning a playdate for a picky child ::)
#Post#: 9920--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pot Luck planning etiquette
DIR By: BunnyAndBandit
Date: July 29, 2018, 9:41 am
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--- Quote from: TeamBhakta link ---
>
> I have to wonder why the husband who doesn't eat pork couldn't
speak up for himself. It makes his wife look like a mommy
planning a playdate for a picky child ::)
>
--- End Quote ---
Even the adult picky eaters I know are polite enough to not make
demands like that! They'll eat what they can and make up the
difference later.
#Post#: 9922--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pot Luck planning etiquette
DIR By: Bada
Date: July 29, 2018, 10:07 am
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--- Quote from: TeamBhakta link ---
>
> I have to wonder why the husband who doesn't eat pork couldn't
speak up for himself. It makes his wife look like a mommy
planning a playdate for a picky child ::)
>
--- End Quote ---
I don't think he was on the group text, so I guess his wife felt
she had to speak for him. I don't understand, though, why she
felt he had to be able to eat every dish available. I've never
been to a potluck where I could eat everything. And usually
there's too much food to be able to. Caveat: If the menu was
getting very "pork heavy" or filled with lots of items he
couldn't eat, then I'd understand raising it.
Someone mentioned using a Cut Direct here. Cutting off siblings
is a big deal. It's going to make family gatherings for the rest
of your life tricky. I agree both sisters were hurtful, but I
think CD is too extreme. This merits maybe having a
conversation, and for sure changing how you react going forward
(they're jerks and are rude, expecting it might help you not
take the insult as deeply), but not a CD IMHO.
#Post#: 9965--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pot Luck planning etiquette
DIR By: SioCat
Date: July 29, 2018, 7:50 pm
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For family and my really close friends, when they say things
like this where they offer their unwanted opinions, I always say
... I’m so glad you said that, because I was just thinking “I
wonder what Sis 2 thinks of my baked beans”. It’s super
sarcastic, but it gets the point across. Usually, whoever I’m
talking to will call me an ass and the conversation keeps
moving. At this point, they usually just cut me off. They still
haven’t stopped sharing their opinions though.
I probably would have cared about the Sisters husband that
doesn’t eat pork though. My family regularly has barbecues and
if a dish can easily accommodate more people, we do that. My
mother doesn’t make her pinto beans with bacon since I became a
vegetarian. She didn’t have to, there’s plenty of other things
for me to eat, but I appreciate it.
#Post#: 9989--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pot Luck planning etiquette
DIR By: Aleko
Date: July 30, 2018, 3:27 am
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--- Quote ---
> Someone mentioned using a Cut Direct here. Cutting off
siblings is a big deal. It's going to make family gatherings for
the rest of your life tricky. I agree both sisters were hurtful,
but I think CD is too extreme.
--- End Quote ---
I agree. Cutting a friend only impacts the two of you; cutting a
sibling makes life complicated and unhappy for the whole family,
and should only be done when you truly feel that no room is big
enough for the two of you. That's why I favour OP simply
dismissing this with 'Oh, don't be so silly, Jane dear! He
doesn't have to eat it!' and cheerfully bringing what she
planned to bring. Then their only choice is either to accept
that silently or throw a tantrum, which will put them blatantly
and publicly in the wrong.
#Post#: 10056--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pot Luck planning etiquette
DIR By: Despedina
Date: July 30, 2018, 2:59 pm
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Update: We did go and we took the beans, My niece (who is the
daughter of the sister who's husband does not eat pork) was the
first to get a big helping. No one made comments about the
beans and 2/3 was eaten. I'm glad no more drama happened
because my mom turns 60 this year and we are taking her on a
long weekend trip so we will all be stuck together for 4 days in
September.
#Post#: 10057--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pot Luck planning etiquette
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: July 30, 2018, 3:08 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: TeamBhakta link ---
>
> I have to wonder why the husband who doesn't eat pork couldn't
speak up for himself. It makes his wife look like a mommy
planning a playdate for a picky child ::)
>
--- End Quote ---
Well, he wasn't in the conversation!
I don't think it's fair to blame him.
My DH will often make a bigger fuss about gluten-free stuff than
I would like, because he's looking out for me. I can't control
that--not even by saying, "Don't make such a fuss."
And I can see him saying something like that--when people take
on an advocacy role, they sometimes go overboard.
#Post#: 10070--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pot Luck planning etiquette
DIR By: oogyda
Date: July 30, 2018, 4:11 pm
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--- Quote from: Bada link ---
>
>
> Someone mentioned using a Cut Direct here. Cutting off
siblings is a big deal. It's going to make family gatherings for
the rest of your life tricky. I agree both sisters were hurtful,
but I think CD is too extreme. This merits maybe having a
conversation, and for sure changing how you react going forward
(they're jerks and are rude, expecting it might help you not
take the insult as deeply), but not a CD IMHO.
>
--- End Quote ---
I suggested employing the Cut Direct. It's very different than
a Cut Off. Also, it can be used once to get your point across,
then go back to business as normal.
Basically one would be sending the message "I will not
acknowledge you after your latest treatment of me, but we can
start fresh."
#Post#: 10073--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pot Luck planning etiquette
DIR By: Sycorax
Date: July 30, 2018, 4:54 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: oogyda link ---
>
> [quote author=Bada link=topic=556.msg9922#msg9922
date=1532876823]
>
> Someone mentioned using a Cut Direct here. Cutting off
siblings is a big deal. It's going to make family gatherings for
the rest of your life tricky. I agree both sisters were hurtful,
but I think CD is too extreme. This merits maybe having a
conversation, and for sure changing how you react going forward
(they're jerks and are rude, expecting it might help you not
take the insult as deeply), but not a CD IMHO.
>
--- End Quote ---
I suggested employing the Cut Direct. It's very different than
a Cut Off. Also, it can be used once to get your point across,
then go back to business as normal.
Basically one would be sending the message "I will not
acknowledge you after your latest treatment of me, but we can
start fresh."
[/quote]
That's not what the Cut Direct is.
#Post#: 10082--------------------------------------------------
Re: Pot Luck planning etiquette
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: July 30, 2018, 6:56 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Pandorica link ---
>
> [quote author=oogyda link=topic=556.msg10070#msg10070
date=1532985117]
> [quote author=Bada link=topic=556.msg9922#msg9922
date=1532876823]
>
> Someone mentioned using a Cut Direct here. Cutting off
siblings is a big deal. It's going to make family gatherings for
the rest of your life tricky. I agree both sisters were hurtful,
but I think CD is too extreme. This merits maybe having a
conversation, and for sure changing how you react going forward
(they're jerks and are rude, expecting it might help you not
take the insult as deeply), but not a CD IMHO.
>
--- End Quote ---
I suggested employing the Cut Direct. It's very different than
a Cut Off. Also, it can be used once to get your point across,
then go back to business as normal.
Basically one would be sending the message "I will not
acknowledge you after your latest treatment of me, but we can
start fresh."
[/quote]
That's not what the Cut Direct is.
[/quote]
You actually can't do a "Cut Direct" via text. It is only a CD
if you are in person and you make the person and other's present
aware that you do not acknowledge the person exists. You are
basically announcing to the world that the person is dead to
you. And after a CD is issued, you do not go back to business as
normal.
A CD scenario would be Pandorica and I are at a party talking
and you walk up with say hello to both of us. Pandorica greets
you. I look past you with out acknowledgement and most likely
say to Pandorica that I need to refresh my beverage and walk
away.
I think you are suggesting to stop engaging in the conversation.
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