DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 9476--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friends in an argument when an event is planned
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: July 24, 2018, 9:48 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Pandorica link ---
>
> [quote author=Hmmm link=topic=546.msg9460#msg9460
date=1532436515]
> I don't understand all of the emphasis on the cell phone
access either. The only way a cell phone could have helped would
be so that the OP's DD could have contacted her when Don showed
up. But really, it was just luck that the DD was home at all and
shouldn't be seen as a solution on how the OP could have handled
the situation.
>
> Going back and re-reading, it sounds like the OP and George
met Marie and then was introduced to George. Event was discussed
and George showed the most enthusiasm.
>
> Marie showed up "sans" George and instead of acting like an
adult, chose to bring her relationship drama into the outing.
The OP's only options were to either decide to view George as an
independently invited guest and request his phone number so that
she could call before they left or view George as an extension
to Marie and go along with Marie indicating George had flaked
out on the event. (For some reason I see George as the
habitually late, Marie as always being frustrated by that and
using this event as a "teaching moment. George was running late
and Marie refused to wait for him.)
>
> Honestly, I probably wouldn't be spending too much more time
with Marie.
>
--- End Quote ---
Do you mean Don for most of these Georges?
[/quote]
Yep, sorry. Got them confused. Will edit my original post.
Thanks!
#Post#: 9496--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friends in an argument when an event is planned
DIR By: Tea Drinker
Date: July 24, 2018, 12:24 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I hope that I would have insisted on waiting for Don,
emphasizing that we were doing this largely because he was
interested--that's something you could have done even if Marie
refused to call him. It's not "getting between them" to say
"we're doing this mostly because Don wants to, so I'm going to
wait a bit longer."
For the future, yes, it makes sense to make sure you have
people's contact information, and they have yours. Also for the
future, if you make further plans with Don, emphasize to him
that if he is running late, gets lost, or has to cancel at the
last moment, he should call you directly.
#Post#: 9510--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friends in an argument when an event is planned
DIR By: Bada
Date: July 24, 2018, 2:06 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Tea Drinker link ---
>
> I hope that I would have insisted on waiting for Don,
emphasizing that we were doing this largely because he was
interested--that's something you could have done even if Marie
refused to call him. It's not "getting between them" to say
"we're doing this mostly because Don wants to, so I'm going to
wait a bit longer."
>
> For the future, yes, it makes sense to make sure you have
people's contact information, and they have yours. Also for the
future, if you make further plans with Don, emphasize to him
that if he is running late, gets lost, or has to cancel at the
last moment, he should call you directly.
>
--- End Quote ---
How long would you wait? He was already 30 minutes late (since
they were supposed to meet beforehand for snacks at OP's house).
In my mind, that's plenty of time to wait.
If the plan was to meet and go right away, I'd probably give 15
minutes (a little more if I lived in an area with a ton of
traffic).
#Post#: 9519--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friends in an argument when an event is planned
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: July 24, 2018, 3:01 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
The thing was, Don did try to contact someone. 10 times.
If it were me, I would have asked Marie for Don's phone number
and called him before leaving the house. If she refused, then I
know something fishy is up with her.
Marie never said Don wasn't coming. Just that "He knows the
schedule" and "He'd be here if he wanted to." Actually, those
remarks is making me wonder why Marie insisted they leave at
9:30. Did she know Don will show up 10 minutes later?
Lesson learned, OP. Next time that you arrange an outing (making
you the "host"), get everybody's phone number.
#Post#: 9520--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friends in an argument when an event is planned
DIR By: wolfie
Date: July 24, 2018, 3:06 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Rose Red link ---
>
>
> Marie never said Don wasn't coming. Just that "He knows the
schedule" and "He'd be here if he wanted to." Actually, those
remarks is making me wonder why Marie insisted they leave at
9:30. Did she know Don will show up 10 minutes later?
>
>
--- End Quote ---
I would guess that she knew he was on the way, knew that he was
going to be late, and was tired of covering for him and wanted
him to feel the consequences of being late. I am also guessing
they had a big argument about this pretty recently.
#Post#: 9526--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friends in an argument when an event is planned
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: July 24, 2018, 3:39 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: wolfie link ---
>
> [quote author=Rose Red link=topic=546.msg9519#msg9519
date=1532462503]
>
> Marie never said Don wasn't coming. Just that "He knows the
schedule" and "He'd be here if he wanted to." Actually, those
remarks is making me wonder why Marie insisted they leave at
9:30. Did she know Don will show up 10 minutes later?
>
>
--- End Quote ---
I would guess that she knew he was on the way, knew that he was
going to be late, and was tired of covering for him and wanted
him to feel the consequences of being late. I am also guessing
they had a big argument about this pretty recently.
[/quote]
That's my assessment, too. At any rate, Marie was rude to Don to
make the fight obvious and to the OP and her friend by inserting
the discomfort into the evening especially when her behavior at
the event wasn't much better.
#Post#: 9694--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friends in an argument when an event is planned
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: July 26, 2018, 6:49 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Awkward situation. I don't really blame the OP for doing what
she did. As Marie is Don's girlfriend, I probably would have
taken her word for it - that is, that Don did not want to
attend. Unless I knew Don very well (and Marie was a new-ish
girlfriend) I would assume that Marie knows Don better than I
do, and is more attuned to his tastes and habits.
Add that to the fact that Don - by that stage - was running at
least 30 minutes late, I probably would have left without him
too.
Now it turns out that Marie was wrong, and that Don did in fact
want to attend was just running late, I think Marie is
absolutely to blame - either for incorrectly jumping to the
assumption that Don did not want to attend or (more likely)
deliberately blocking Don from attending this event. Either way,
I'd be very wary of Marie going forward.
But I agree with posters who say that Don doesn't get off
blame-free either. He rocked up at least 40 minutes late. I'd be
curious to know what his explanation was. Accident on the
highway? Or just plain flaky?
#Post#: 9774--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friends in an argument when an event is planned
DIR By: Writer of Wrongs
Date: July 27, 2018, 9:24 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Obviously none of us know what was going on with Don, but the
story made me think of a situation with some people I know.
They were in the process of divorcing but were pretending to be
amicable. Their kids had a ballgame. The husband is a truck
driver and was leaving at midnight for a haul, so he had already
gotten the truck from the depot, parking it at his house. Thus,
he didn't have his own vehicle. The wife had offered to pick him
up so he could ride with her to the game.
He waited and waited. He called. When she finally answered, at
game time, she said, "Oh, I'm already at the game. I didn't have
time to come and get you."
He was livid - if she hadn't offered to pick him up, he would
have waited until after the game to go and get the truck. And
due to (reasons), he couldn't drive a loaded truck to the
ballpark. So he ended up missing the game.
Now, I'm not saying that's what happened in this case. But
Marie's smirking "oops, my phone was off" makes me think she
knew very well that Don wasn't going to arrive when intended but
was trying to make him either look bad or miss the event.
(The matter of OP not having a cell phone is really a non-issue,
and I was disturbed by how many posters blamed the entire fiasco
on that, when the problem was Marie being obnoxious. It's her
decision whether to have a cell or not. Would any of us tell a
vegetarian/vegan "Well, you could avoid the whole problem of
trying to find a restaurant if you would just eat meat"?)
#Post#: 9782--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friends in an argument when an event is planned
DIR By: Twik
Date: July 27, 2018, 10:18 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Nothing I can see that you could have done to deal with the main
problem, that Marie was (for some reason, possibly persistent
tardiness) furious with Don, and wanted to make him suffer by
missing the outing.
If you *had* a cell, and been able to meet up with him, the
awkwardness would probably just have been worse. The good news
is that if this is the stage their relationship is at, you may
not be double-dating with them much longer.
#Post#: 9820--------------------------------------------------
Re: Friends in an argument when an event is planned
DIR By: andi
Date: July 27, 2018, 7:33 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Writer of Wrongs link ---
>
> Obviously none of us know what was going on with Don, but the
story made me think of a situation with some people I know.
>
> They were in the process of divorcing but were pretending to
be amicable. Their kids had a ballgame. The husband is a truck
driver and was leaving at midnight for a haul, so he had already
gotten the truck from the depot, parking it at his house. Thus,
he didn't have his own vehicle. The wife had offered to pick him
up so he could ride with her to the game.
>
> He waited and waited. He called. When she finally answered, at
game time, she said, "Oh, I'm already at the game. I didn't have
time to come and get you."
>
> He was livid - if she hadn't offered to pick him up, he would
have waited until after the game to go and get the truck. And
due to (reasons), he couldn't drive a loaded truck to the
ballpark. So he ended up missing the game.
>
>
> Now, I'm not saying that's what happened in this case. But
Marie's smirking "oops, my phone was off" makes me think she
knew very well that Don wasn't going to arrive when intended but
was trying to make him either look bad or miss the event.
>
>
> (The matter of OP not having a cell phone is really a
non-issue, and I was disturbed by how many posters blamed the
entire fiasco on that, when the problem was Marie being
obnoxious. It's her decision whether to have a cell or not.
Would any of us tell a vegetarian/vegan "Well, you could avoid
the whole problem of trying to find a restaurant if you would
just eat meat"?)
>
--- End Quote ---
POD
The cell phone is a red herring. I too think MRie was being a
deliberate stinker.
I think the main take away for the OP is for next time to have
their own contact info for everyone invited. But hind-sight....
*****************************************************
Page 5 of 6
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page