DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: The Work Day
*****************************************************
#Post#: 9167--------------------------------------------------
Feeling left out
By: Wetkittennoses Date: July 20, 2018, 1:57 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Sorry this is long! :-\
I have been at my current work place for almost 20 months. It is
in a department store in the 'food hall', basically a
supermarket/grocery store.
'Lynne' got married in June. Sometimes she is very friendly and
other times she doesn't seem that chatty when I speak to her,
but she is always asking about my own wedding plans
(non-existent but engaged for almost 3 years!) Anyway, around
two months before her wedding she invited me to her
hen/bachelorette party which was to be held a month before the
wedding. The party arrived with no invite to the wedding. We
went to a pottery painting place during the day, the plates,
cups etc that we painted had to be collected another time. One
of the other guests (former colleague) said that she would
collect them and bring them to the wedding, I stayed quiet. That
evening while we were having drinks Lynne suddenly said 'I feel
so bad everyone, Wetkittennoses is the only one here not invited
to the wedding, you must come!' I told her she didn't need to do
that but she said I must. Someone else changed the subject.
The following week at work she asked me when I was going to get
the plate that I painted. That's when I realised I definitely
was not invited. I didn't show that I was hurt and said that I
would check with the guest who collected them. It felt like
everyone at work was invited to the wedding and talking about it
afterwards. I don't understand why you would invite someone to
the hen/bachelorette and not to the wedding.
It turned out that 'Colleen' the former colleague forgot to
bring them to the wedding and I had been on holiday so hadn't
met her yet. So, five of us went for lunch today (I was invited
last weekend) and received them. It was going well and I was
enjoying it. Then suddenly 'Marie' another colleague said 'now
Wetkittennoses the next thing I'm going to talk about doesn't
include you.' Lynne said 'that's so harsh!' While I said it was
ok. She then started talking about their plans to go on holiday
together next year with another former colleague and where they
would stay, what they would do etc. I looked down at my plate
and ate, feeling rather awkward until the topic was changed. I
was dwelling on it afterwards and spoke about it to my fiance
who said it is a disadvantage of being part of a friendship
group later than the others, but that I should make the effort
to be friends. Lynne brought thank you cards to lunch, mine had
'thank you' printed on the front and she'd written inside that
she was glad I came to her party. The others had photos of them
from the wedding on the front of theirs.
I don't feel there's a particular solution to my feeling left
out as I think it would be even more uncomfortable to bring it
up to them, but I wondered if anyone else had experienced
anything similar and how they handled it? My fiance said I need
a thicker skin and that I still could have joined in the holiday
conversation and suggested ideas, but I didn't want to seem like
I was angling for an invite! ???
#Post#: 9168--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feeling left out
By: Despedina Date: July 20, 2018, 2:02 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
When she mentioned that she wanted you at her wedding you should
have told her you'd love to come, if that's what you wanted and
she brought it up. Since you said she didn't need to invite you
it almost seems like she took you at your word. It is however
rude to invite someone to a bachelorette without them being
invited to the wedding IMO.
As far as the luncheon, I don't know how I would have reacted.
The fact that this person announced ahead of time that it didn't
involve you seemed very harsh. I may have excused myself, full
plate or no at that point.
#Post#: 9170--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feeling left out
By: Wetkittennoses Date: July 20, 2018, 2:27 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Despedina link=topic=541.msg9168#msg9168
date=1532113374]
When she mentioned that she wanted you at her wedding you should
have told her you'd love to come, if that's what you wanted and
she brought it up. Since you said she didn't need to invite you
it almost seems like she took you at your word. It is however
rude to invite someone to a bachelorette without them being
invited to the wedding IMO.
[/quote]
I didn't want her to feel pressured into inviting me when she
had already sent out the invites and budgeted for the guests she
had invited. It's a good point though, perhaps I should have
sounded more keen. :)
#Post#: 9174--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feeling left out
By: IceBear Date: July 20, 2018, 2:58 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I agree that you should have accepted the invitation. It's
possible that she forgot you, or realized how rude she had been.
The women pointing out that the next part of a conversation
doesn't involve you? Rude! Conversations should be accessible to
the entire group, if you want to have a one on one discussion
then go for coffee with the other person.
#Post#: 9189--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feeling left out
By: Luci Date: July 20, 2018, 6:09 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Hugs. I’m so sorry you are treated like that. Lynne sounds as if
she has a clue. I’ve always been on the periphery socially. I
just bear up like you did at the trip planning dinner. Yeah,
lots of hugs.
#Post#: 9213--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feeling left out
By: LifeOnPluto Date: July 21, 2018, 12:31 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Sorry you had to ensure those events. The other women sound very
inconsiderate, to say the least.
I think Lynne was rude for inviting you to her hen's party, but
not to the wedding itself. It was doubly rude of her to invite
you to her wedding, and then to rescind the invitation. (In
fact, she didn't really rescind it, just implied that you were
no longer invited - and for what it's worth, I probably would
have reacted exactly the same way as you at the hen's party -
demurred a bit, when she invited me to the wedding. Not because
I wouldn't want to attend, but because I'd assume she was only
inviting me out of guilt - and it sounds like that was actually
the case!).
Marie was also very rude for blatantly excluding you from the
conversation. The general rude is, you shouldn't talk about an
event in front of someone who might have expected to be invited,
or want to attend. And in any case, it's still rude to
effectively exclude one person from the conversation.
OP, if you were new to this job, I'd recommend seeing what
happens, and giving the other women time to develop friendships
with you. However you state you've been there 20 months. That
being the case, I think if they wanted you as a close friend, it
would have happened by now. Personally, I'd be professional and
polite to them at work, but I wouldn't go out of my way to
socialise with them.
#Post#: 9216--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feeling left out
By: lakey Date: July 21, 2018, 1:43 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I've never heard of someone being invited to a bachelorette
party, but not the wedding. Then you have someone announcing
that they are going to discuss an event that you weren't invited
to? Your average 10 year old would know better than to behave
like this. Sometimes you are fine working with people, but you
don't spend time with them away from work. I would view these
people as co-workers but not part of your social circle.
#Post#: 9234--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feeling left out
By: NyaChan Date: July 21, 2018, 10:20 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I would have reacted the same way to an “invitation”
that clearly wasn’t offered as a true desire to have me at
the wedding. Reminded me more of someone who knows theyve done
something wrong and is hoping by throwing out it in front of
everyone that no one will call them out. And you know what? It
works! Most people who are on the receiving end will make
soothing noises and say it’s no trouble to keep the peace
because saying, yes you are rude feels unthinkable.
They are inconsiderate people and I would just make a mental
adjustment so you walk in expecting a bit of rudeness so it
doesn’t catch you off guard.
#Post#: 9259--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feeling left out
By: holly firestorm Date: July 21, 2018, 2:31 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Being excluded for private functions held outside the office is
one thing. The only ones I've gone to are funerals. And it
really doesn't bother me.
It's even worse when you're excluded from an in-office
function. For instance, if everyone but you is invited to a
lunch. Or everyone but you is asked, "do you want to order from
Pollo Loco today?" Or when one department has a luncheon and
makes up plates for everyone in your department except you. It
can get really screwed up, like everyone being told they can
leave 2 hours early because it's a holiday weekend...except you.
Everyone is given important information about an event customers
are calling about...except you, etc. These have all happened to
me where I used to work.
#Post#: 9294--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feeling left out
By: BunnyAndBandit Date: July 21, 2018, 10:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
It sounds like she felt bad and invited you to the hen's party
not understanding that you don't usually invite someone to one
and not the other.
I can totally see why you wouldn't take her up on the invite to
the wedding, though!
I do think the lady at lunch was pretty rude, though.
I agree with your fiance. You came in to the group at a somewhat
awkward time.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page