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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 8564--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this TY card a new "thing" or a bad way to do
the old "thing"?
DIR By: frog24
Date: July 13, 2018, 12:36 pm
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My friend threw me a baby shower and she had the stack of
envelopes and cards waiting for people. She read somewhere that
asking guests to pre-address their own TY notes was "the way to
do it" so it wouldn't put undue stress on the mom-to-be.
Luckily I saw them sitting there and whisked them away. When
she asked me why I did that, I simply said that I knew
everyone's address and would be fine addressing the notes.
Yikes!
#Post#: 8577--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this TY card a new "thing" or a bad way to do
the old "thing"?
DIR By: Pattycake
Date: July 13, 2018, 1:35 pm
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--- Quote from: BeagleMommy link ---
>
> When BeagleDaddy's godson got married 3 years ago they did
this.
>
> I found it a lazy way to send TY cards without really sending
them.
>
--- End Quote ---
Yes, following the letter and not the spirit of the thing!
#Post#: 8584--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this TY card a new "thing" or a bad way to do
the old "thing"?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: July 13, 2018, 2:10 pm
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--- Quote from: frog24 link ---
>
> My friend threw me a baby shower and she had the stack of
envelopes and cards waiting for people. She read somewhere that
asking guests to pre-address their own TY notes was "the way to
do it" so it wouldn't put undue stress on the mom-to-be.
>
> Luckily I saw them sitting there and whisked them away. When
she asked me why I did that, I simply said that I knew
everyone's address and would be fine addressing the notes.
Yikes!
>
--- End Quote ---
So glad you were able to head that off! Because one thing that's
frustrating--those people who would have been offended at that,
would have been offended at YOU, not at her!
#Post#: 8604--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this TY card a new "thing" or a bad way to do
the old "thing"?
DIR By: jpcher
Date: July 13, 2018, 4:24 pm
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I recently went to a baby shower for my niece and received just
such a thank you note. It was a form letter, nothing personal,
not even signed by niece nor her SO. I was miffed.
We (DDs and I) went through a considerable process choosing the
right gifts (DDs knowing her better than I do, checking the
registry, talking to her mom, etc.) and we did a good job.
Almost nothing was duplicated and there were quite a few gifts.
No I'm not grandstanding, but it wasn't like just pick this that
and the other thing. Like vintagegal's post . . . if one puts a
lot of care and effort into a gift, then I strongly believe one
should receive likeness in kind with a personal, enthusiastic,
thoughtfully written (okay, I'll even go with a TY phone call at
this point) "Thank you so much for your gift!"
I think what bothers me the most about this baby shower and the
TYs is that the hostess (BFF) was extremely diligent about
writing down who gave what. To the point where she asked "This
is from Kathy? Kathy who?" Niece pointed out Kathy and said "Oh,
that's Kathy LastName. Hi Kathy! Thanks."
BFF went through such an effort to connect the names to the
gifts for what? A form letter? :o
I agree that this is an inappropriate and very lazy TY. I
certainly hope it doesn't become the norm. I strongly believe
that it belittles the time spent in giving a special gift.
#Post#: 8607--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this TY card a new "thing" or a bad way to do
the old "thing"?
DIR By: Thitpualso
Date: July 13, 2018, 5:17 pm
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I’m glad Tootsnyc brought up the tradition of helping the widow
or widower write TYs for funerals. I did it for my mother and
for my MIL. It was a therapeutic and ultimately, a joyous
thing.
Photographs were trotted out and stories were told about when
Dr. Susan X was little Susie and so happy when she caught that
big fish in Lake Sebago that she fell out of the rowboat at age
10. I also learned that Prof. Y was so enamored with Dad’s red
sports car and would sit in it by the hour if he could even
though he was too small to see over the steering wheel.
While MIL looked through the family snapshots, I made tea and we
both ended up laughing about the funny stories and (gasp) minor
family scandals.
These informal rituals help to bond generations and keep happy
memories of the departed alive.
Weddings are a bit different but building the connection between
family members and friends is the same.
#Post#: 8615--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this TY card a new "thing" or a bad way to do
the old "thing"?
DIR By: gmatoy
Date: July 13, 2018, 7:09 pm
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Just today DH and I were at a Hallmark store and they do a free
card on Fridays. So I choose one to send to our DGD when she
goes to college. Then I come home and read all of these sweet
posts about connecting to family and friends! I've wiped a few
tears away. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and your
memories.
#Post#: 8678--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this TY card a new "thing" or a bad way to do
the old "thing"?
DIR By: Celestia
Date: July 14, 2018, 11:54 am
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Just throwing a thought out there...I wouldn't mind something
like this, but then my generation (I'm 28) is the one letting
the thank-you notes go by the wayside. I don't really expect
notes from my friends. I try to send them when I can't thank
people in person, but I definitely value a spoken thank-you as
part of a conversation over a formal note. I wonder if they're
going to go out of fashion just because the people who don't
like sending them also don't care about receiving.
#Post#: 8683--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this TY card a new "thing" or a bad way to do
the old "thing"?
DIR By: EddiesMom15
Date: July 14, 2018, 2:24 pm
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I've received several of these impersonal cards, and do not see
them as a legitimate thank you. If someone chooses to call or
contact me through electronic media letting one know the gift
was received and saying thanks, that works for me.
#Post#: 8686--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this TY card a new "thing" or a bad way to do
the old "thing"?
DIR By: Bada
Date: July 14, 2018, 3:24 pm
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I got an impersonal, preprinted thank you note from my aunt and
cousin after my (our) grandma died, thanking me for my good
wishes or some such nonsense. They both knew me very well. I
had been a (female) pallbearer at the funeral. I wasn't exactly
a peripheral relative. I was flabbergasted. I concluded (based
on pure conjecture that made me feel better, even if it's not
based on facts/reality) that some random friend had helped them
do notes and that they didn't recognize my name or bother to ask
who I was. They just robotically mailed this note to everyone
who signed the guestbook. I would have been much, much happier
to have gotten nothing in this scenario. I often wished I'd
saved it so I could shake my head about it. But it's probably
emotionally better that I tossed the offending mail.
#Post#: 8711--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is this TY card a new "thing" or a bad way to do
the old "thing"?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: July 14, 2018, 9:11 pm
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--- Quote from: Celestia link ---
>
> I try to send them when I can't thank people in person, but I
definitely value a spoken thank-you as part of a conversation
over a formal note. I wonder if they're going to go out of
fashion just because the people who don't like sending them also
don't care about receiving.
>
--- End Quote ---
I think this is on point.
So many of the thank-you notes I've received are such
boiler-plate that they might as well be a form letter done with
mail-merge: "Dear [insert name from spreadsheet cell A1]: Thank
for the [insert gift from spreadsheet cell B1]. We will think of
you when we use it. Thank you also for coming to our wedding."
Truth be told, I don't actually value those kinds of notes. I
generally know they received the present, and often when I get
thank-you notes, I can't even remember what it should be for.
I've moved on.
When I invest time and energy in a gift (once I
machine-stitched a double-needle line around some plain napkins
in threads to match the bride's everyday dishes), I would like
to have that acknowledged. There have been times when it was,
and that was really great--and it strengthened a fading
connection (I'd been annoyed slightly at being invited to that
shower & wedding, bcs we really didn't know the couple, but they
reacted so nicely to the gift that I have a soft spot for them
now).
But in the case of those napkins, it wasn't mentioned
specifically; the thank-you just said "generous gift." It was
her writing, and it came soon, but I was still a little hurt. I
certainly haven't done anything more with that eggplant and moss
embroidery thread.
BUT...I think if people receive really GOOD thank-you notes,
they might come to value receiving them, and to value giving
them.
And it's hard to write a creative and interesting thank-you
note for something you yourself picked out (registry), or for
money (cash gifts) or when there are tons of letters to write
(big showers or big weddings).
However, good thank-you notes are mental work--I work w/ words
for a living, and I'm pretty glib and can find fancy phrases
easily. But it was still mental work writing those notes!
But even when someone isn't offended at not receiving an
acknowledgment for their gift, you really miss out on a great
opportunity when you let it slide.
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