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#Post#: 8660--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: BunnyAndBandit
Date: July 14, 2018, 9:46 am
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--- Quote from: Rose Red link ---
>
> I'm sure some people celebrate their divorce but if there's a
party, I'm sure gifts are jokes or booze. A real registry will
get the side eye and a smirk.
>
--- End Quote ---
Several yaers ago, I need hear of divorce parties. But it was
doing things like 'rewinding your walk up the aisle', or popping
balloons and talking about all the bad things you were leaving
behind by leaving that relationship. It sure wasn't 'Fill my
house because I ended a marriage.'
#Post#: 8668--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: VorFemme
Date: July 14, 2018, 10:16 am
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Craigslist, Salvation Army, Goodwill, and either TrashNothing or
FreeCycle (or whatever the local equivalents are for the local
online "garage sale, brick & mortar thrift stores, and a
keep-things-out-of-the-landfill" mailing list might be called).
If there's a little money or things that used just won't work
for (mattresses come to mind) - then WalMart, Ikea, or the local
discount stores that sell that kind of thing.
It looks odd to have someone post online about going through a
divorce, a fire, or a flood and needing "everything" - but I
have heard of stories where someone was clearing out a deceased
person's apartment or rented house and having one family who
would pick up just about *everything* turned out to be very
helpful to the family who needed to get rid of just about
*everything* but the family photos!
At 90 something, my maternal grandmother offered up all of her
"stuff" - to children who had grandchildren of their own and a
couple who were looking at downsizing, too...there were a few
getting married, so the extra china or some of the silverware
came in handy, but her house was too far out in the country for
the dining room table, etc. to be easily picked up & relocated.
#Post#: 8674--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: Aleko
Date: July 14, 2018, 10:55 am
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--- Quote ---
> Don't get me wrong, my heart goes out to people going through
a divorce (or any tough time, really), especially if they're
experiencing financial hardship as a result. But I thought gift
registries were associated with celebrations and happy
occasions, like marriage or having a baby. Usually, divorce
isn't something to celebrate!
>
--- End Quote ---
But isn't it odd that while the notion of celebrating people's
happiness (marriage, new house, new baby, etc.) seems to be
totally hitched to the idea of giving them stuff, whether they
need it or not (in a thread on the old Ehell board, when I
remarked that I couldn't see any legit grounds for having a
shower for a second child, someone rebuked me saying 'did I not
think the birth of a second child deserved to be celebrated?' as
though there was literally no way of celebrating anyone other
than by giving them material goods), we have no convention that
sympathy with disasters and difficulties should be translated
into gifts?
#Post#: 8676--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: July 14, 2018, 11:14 am
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Well, during bad times people do give food, money, and stuff.
They're just not called gifts and they sure shouldn't be on a
registry. That's just tacky.
#Post#: 8679--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: Celestia
Date: July 14, 2018, 11:57 am
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--- Quote from: Rose Red link ---
>
> Well, during bad times people do give food, money, and stuff.
They're just not called gifts and they sure shouldn't be on a
registry. That's just tacky.
>
--- End Quote ---
Genuine question...why? A registry is a way to help the givers
avoid giving 12 of the same item when different things are
needed. If a family were recovering from (say) a fire and needed
to restock their kitchen items, I'd think that'd be a perfect
situation to use a registry to make sure they don't end up with
8 toasters and a whisk. Assuming it's a situation where giving
gifts is acceptable, why would a registry be tacky?
#Post#: 8681--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: July 14, 2018, 1:42 pm
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--- Quote from: Celestia link ---
>
> [quote author=Rose Red link=topic=515.msg8676#msg8676
date=1531584881]
> Well, during bad times people do give food, money, and stuff.
They're just not called gifts and they sure shouldn't be on a
registry. That's just tacky.
>
--- End Quote ---
Genuine question...why? A registry is a way to help the givers
avoid giving 12 of the same item when different things are
needed. If a family were recovering from (say) a fire and needed
to restock their kitchen items, I'd think that'd be a perfect
situation to use a registry to make sure they don't end up with
8 toasters and a whisk. Assuming it's a situation where giving
gifts is acceptable, why would a registry be tacky?
[/quote]
If a friend had a fire, I would ask what they need replacing or
give them money. I just think it's strange if they told me
"we're registered at Macy's." I can't articulate why I feel this
way. YMMV
#Post#: 8684--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: Celestia
Date: July 14, 2018, 2:31 pm
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Fair enough! :) In my mind, there's a negligible difference
between "Here's a list of the things I need" and "Macy's has a
list of the things I need". Except that Macy's can ALSO tell
you what's already been purchased, which I can't do until I
receive the gifts.
I don't want to argue, I'm just interested in this thought I
didn't realize I had, and this thread seems like a decent
jumping-off point for the purpose of registries in general.
#Post#: 8685--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: NyaChan
Date: July 14, 2018, 2:47 pm
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--- Quote from: Celestia link ---
>
> Fair enough! :) In my mind, there's a negligible difference
between "Here's a list of the things I need" and "Macy's has a
list of the things I need". Except that Macy's can ALSO tell
you what's already been purchased, which I can't do until I
receive the gifts.
>
> I don't want to argue, I'm just interested in this thought I
didn't realize I had, and this thread seems like a decent
jumping-off point for the purpose of registries in general.
>
--- End Quote ---
For me, having the registry implies that there is an expectation
of a gift and that’s what bugs me about it in a situation like
this. I also agree with what others have said - I am single and
childless which means my life events - promotions, new home,
adoption or death of a pet - are rarely acknowledged let alone
considered gifting occasions. I am thrilled for my friend’s
events whether it is work or personal, but How many more gifts
am I going to have to add on to the usuals? I put my house
together on my own with no expectation of help. I think people
like that author have gotten too used to being feted and taken
care of. Welcome to the world the rest of us have occupied all
of our lives.
#Post#: 8712--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: kglory
Date: July 14, 2018, 9:12 pm
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But she HAS the stuff! In fact, she wants twice as much stuff -
between her and her husband, they need 3 times as much stuff!
That's why I have no sympathy.
At first I thought, well this is a rough transition period, but
after she and husband sell the house, they'll split the
furniture and decor.
Then I realize no, she wants the house AND the apartment, and
her husband presumably too - "In addition to maintaining our
family home, which my husband and I will be swapping in and out
of, I’m trying to furnish a small, one-bedroom basement
apartment." .
So a family that once occupied one residence will now occupy 3
residences. Of course 3 times as much furniture will be needed.
But that is their CHOICE.
If they couldn't afford it, financially, they would sell the
house. The fact that they are trying this arrangement means
they think they have enough money to afford 3 residences instead
of 1 - and hey, if this is how they choose to spend their money,
let them do it. But the financial cost to this choice is theirs
to bear.
As a single person who has ALWAYS paid 100% of my rent and
bought 100% of my furniture - and sometimes quietly felt a
little - jealous isn't the word, but more like, wouldn't it be
nice? - at married friends who only have to earn 50% of their
rent and bills - forgive me if I don't feel the need to
subsidize this couple and their 3 residences.
#Post#: 8735--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: Sara Crewe
Date: July 15, 2018, 10:02 am
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--- Quote from: kglory link ---
>
>
> Then I realize no, she wants the house AND the apartment, and
her husband presumably too - "In addition to maintaining our
family home, which my husband and I will be swapping in and out
of, I’m trying to furnish a small, one-bedroom basement
apartment." .
>
> So a family that once occupied one residence will now occupy 3
residences. Of course 3 times as much furniture will be needed.
But that is their CHOICE.
>
> If they couldn't afford it, financially, they would sell the
house. The fact that they are trying this arrangement means
they think they have enough money to afford 3 residences instead
of 1 - and hey, if this is how they choose to spend their money,
let them do it. But the financial cost to this choice is theirs
to bear.
>
--- End Quote ---
I read it as them also sharing the same apartment in rotation so
that would only be two residences.
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