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#Post#: 8253--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: AnnNottingham
Date: July 9, 2018, 8:39 pm
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Getting away from "stuff" for a minute-I remember thinking that
when you get married, it's usually a big party and everyone
wishes you well. When you're divorced, as I was, you sign some
papers and go back to your apartment, alone. And it's a weird
feeling. So while I agree that no one's entitled to anything,
divorce really is a different transition than a wedding.
#Post#: 8262--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: TeamBhakta
Date: July 10, 2018, 12:47 am
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I don't have much sympathy for her, especially the rotting
pineapple story. ::) There is a saying in my family about
"She'll probably leave her husband one day & go looking for an
officer with a good salary", and I bet this lady too will
quickly remarry for greener pastures once the ink dries on the
divorce papers.
#Post#: 8263--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: crella
Date: July 10, 2018, 5:20 am
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When I just came on the site, right below this thread was
'Beggars, Moochers and Scammers (Oh my!)' :D
#Post#: 8316--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: BunnyAndBandit
Date: July 10, 2018, 6:57 pm
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--- Quote from: jazzgirl205 link ---
>
> [quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=515.msg8235#msg8235
date=1531174272]
> I also don't have a lot of sympathy for her in terms of
stuff--she has an entire house she could cannibalize from, and
she's on her own timeframe for furnishing the newer place, so
there isn't a huge rush. Especially since the two of them will
share that apartment as well.
>
> Also: There's apparently an extended family. And it's
perfectly reasonable to put out a call to extended family to
say, "Hey, we're setting up a spare place; does anyone have any
of these 12 items that they'd be willing to 'hand-me-down' to
us?"
>
--- End Quote ---
This is what I got out of the article as well. This basement
apartment wasn't hers. It was shared. While I applaud the
joint custody and sharing the house for the children, it kind of
seems like the parents go into storage when it's not their turn.
I thought every house had it's share of extras and doubles. The
main house doesn't have an extra mixing bowl? Knives? A couple
of dishes or glassware? Since it's no one's real residence, I
don't see why craigslist can't supply the furniture. Also, the
article sounds like she is responsible for paying for all these
things. Isn't the husband responsible for some of it?
[/quote]
Craiglist for the furniture, IKEA for the other odds and ends.
There's no way the main house only has the bare essentials with
nothing to spare.
#Post#: 8340--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: HenrysMom
Date: July 11, 2018, 8:37 am
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When my not-soon-enough-to-be-EXH and I split, I literally
walked out of the house with my dog, most of my clothes, my
stand mixer, and my car. I had to access some of my retirement
money to furnish my apartment. But it was worth it, because I
bought and paid for exactly what I needed and/or wanted.
Thinking back on it, I don’t think I’d want to have people gift
me things, even off a registry, because it would be too much
like how it was during my marriage, when my Ex bought me what he
thought I should have, instead of what I wanted.
#Post#: 8345--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: July 11, 2018, 9:36 am
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The more I think about that opinion piece the more it irritates
me. At first, I had a little bit of sympathy, but now I really
don't.
After college, I moved into my first apartment. Other than the
clothes I had acquired, there wasn't a gift registry or group of
people helping me furnish my apartment. It was my roommate and I
buying every stick of furniture, kitchenware and decor. Other
than, our mattresses, every bit of the furniture was bought
second hand. The place setting for four of the Corelle
dinnerware bought at Kmart 30 years ago went to collage with my
daughter.
When I bought my first home, no one was furnishing it but me.
When DH and I married, all of our wedding gifts were china,
crystal and a few odds and ends like vases, water pitchers, and
picture frames. There wasn't $300 stand mixers on my registry or
$700 worth of bedding or $1000 worth of power tools.
When we had our first child, my inlaws bought the crib set and
my sister's bought the stroller. Other than that, baby gifts
were onesies, toys, books, and a few blankets.
When we moved into our first home, no one was buying the dining
room, guest room or living room furniture we needed.
Maybe the author of this piece did use her wedding or baby
showers as a way to finance her life transitions. And now that
she can't rely on gifts she is feeling overwhelmed.
#Post#: 8383--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: BeagleMommy
Date: July 11, 2018, 3:06 pm
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The notion of showers furnishing a new couple's home (or new
baby) usually comes from tradition where women lived at home
until they married so the relatives and/or close friends got
together to give the bride/new mom the essentials to begin her
new married/mommy life.
When BeagleDaddy and I first married we moved into our apartment
with a small table and 4 chairs and a sofabed that had been his
parents. It was six months before we could afford a bedroom
suite. My bridal shower provided things like towels, linens,
small appliances (no $300 mixers), and a few bits of lingerie.
When BeagleBoy was born I received a used crib, stroller, high
chair, and dressing table (completely safe) from a friend. Baby
shower was newborn clothes, toys, books, and lotions/bath soaps.
My mother bought a swing. BeagleDaddy's mom knitted the most
amazing sweaters and baby afghan I ever saw and still treasure.
The notion of a divorce registry leaves me feeling a bit
nonplussed. Most of the time a divorce isn't a thing to be
celebrated with gifts or have times changed and I am an old,
old, married lady?
#Post#: 8393--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: July 11, 2018, 4:02 pm
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Actually, I don't think showers were originally intended to
furnish the home. those were wedding presents.
Showers were personal, with only the closest female relatives.
So, not a lot of people. And I think the gifts were more likely
to be a negligee or a fancy brush set--something FOR HER, not
for the household. (Though, household things were considered to
be hers more than theirs or his.)
But they were certainly small.
And I agree w/ Hmmm. People who set up households but don't get
married never get that kind of help froma shower!
My best friend never married, and yet she's had to set up a
household. Finally for her 40th, there was a big family party,
and people gave the kinds of gifts they might if she were
getting married--though by then it was sort of too late, because
she had everything, or had decided (as in the case of china)
that she didn't want it.
Also, the party was a surprise, so though I hinted a couple of
times that she should consider picking a fancy china and putting
it on her Christmas list for several years, she didn't. So there
was no registry available.
#Post#: 8639--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: July 14, 2018, 3:29 am
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--- Quote from: BeagleMommy link ---
>
>
> The notion of a divorce registry leaves me feeling a bit
nonplussed. Most of the time a divorce isn't a thing to be
celebrated with gifts or have times changed and I am an old,
old, married lady?
>
--- End Quote ---
This. Don't get me wrong, my heart goes out to people going
through a divorce (or any tough time, really), especially if
they're experiencing financial hardship as a result. But I
thought gift registries were associated with celebrations and
happy occasions, like marriage or having a baby. Usually,
divorce isn't something to celebrate!
#Post#: 8651--------------------------------------------------
Re: There's no gift registry when you need stuff after a divorce
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: July 14, 2018, 8:25 am
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I'm sure some people celebrate their divorce but if there's a
party, I'm sure gifts are jokes or booze. A real registry will
get the side eye and a smirk.
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