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#Post#: 15010--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Celestia
Date: October 1, 2018, 4:13 pm
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In full fairness, though, it's much easier for these things to
slide off and not bother a person who doesn't have any existing
issues with them. A friend of mine who's reasonably thin laughs
at diet commercials that try to guilt people out of eating
treats, while they tend to upset me because I'm fat and I've
dealt with that guilt. It makes perfect sense that being
misgendered would be more upsetting to someone who has struggled
to identify their gender than someone who has always been secure
about it.
#Post#: 15075--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: October 2, 2018, 3:45 am
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--- Quote from: Celestia link ---
>
> In full fairness, though, it's much easier for these things to
slide off and not bother a person who doesn't have any existing
issues with them. A friend of mine who's reasonably thin laughs
at diet commercials that try to guilt people out of eating
treats, while they tend to upset me because I'm fat and I've
dealt with that guilt. It makes perfect sense that being
misgendered would be more upsetting to someone who has struggled
to identify their gender than someone who has always been secure
about it.
>
--- End Quote ---
You are absolutely right. It is easier for me to feel
unaffected (even though I did want to be a boy when I was a
girl). [emoji15]
I'm still convinced that Thitpualso's GN is also looking to take
offence - which seems a shame, as the kind of behaviour
described in the OP is not helpful towards furthering acceptance
of gender fluidity...
#Post#: 15079--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Aleko
Date: October 2, 2018, 4:36 am
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--- Quote ---
> In full fairness, though, it's much easier for these things to
slide off and not bother a person who doesn't have any existing
issues with them.
--- End Quote ---
Absolutely. Nevertheless, the world at large will not bend
around anyone's issues: and if your gender is confusing even to
you, you have to accept that it is going to be even more
confusing to other people, and not blame them for it. Refusing
to accept that fact is purely self-destructive; and people who
cushion their loved ones from it are not really helping them.
#Post#: 15093--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Bada
Date: October 2, 2018, 8:53 am
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--- Quote from: Celestia link ---
>
> In full fairness, though, it's much easier for these things to
slide off and not bother a person who doesn't have any existing
issues with them. A friend of mine who's reasonably thin laughs
at diet commercials that try to guilt people out of eating
treats, while they tend to upset me because I'm fat and I've
dealt with that guilt. It makes perfect sense that being
misgendered would be more upsetting to someone who has struggled
to identify their gender than someone who has always been secure
about it.
>
--- End Quote ---
Oh my gosh: have you ever called a twin by the wrong name? I had
one FLIP OUT on me. Nevermind the fact that I regularly mix up
names as they come out of my mouth--I know the right name in my
head. If you do it to a twin it's not an accident, it's a huge
moral offense. (Maybe it was just this one set of twins. But I'm
still scarred for life either way.) (My friend likes to say how
his mom used to name all of his sisters, then the dog, then him
when she was yelling at him!)
#Post#: 15094--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Jem
Date: October 2, 2018, 9:07 am
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--- Quote from: Bada link ---
>
> [quote author=Celestia link=topic=511.msg15010#msg15010
date=1538428382]
> In full fairness, though, it's much easier for these things to
slide off and not bother a person who doesn't have any existing
issues with them. A friend of mine who's reasonably thin laughs
at diet commercials that try to guilt people out of eating
treats, while they tend to upset me because I'm fat and I've
dealt with that guilt. It makes perfect sense that being
misgendered would be more upsetting to someone who has struggled
to identify their gender than someone who has always been secure
about it.
>
--- End Quote ---
Oh my gosh: have you ever called a twin by the wrong name? I had
one FLIP OUT on me. Nevermind the fact that I regularly mix up
names as they come out of my mouth--I know the right name in my
head. If you do it to a twin it's not an accident, it's a huge
moral offense. (Maybe it was just this one set of twins. But I'm
still scarred for life either way.) (My friend likes to say how
his mom used to name all of his sisters, then the dog, then him
when she was yelling at him!)
[/quote]
I think a person needs to make a choice: do you want to 1)
assume the best in other people, or 2) look for offense in
everything. Each and every person has their own personal
"triggers." But to expect the entire rest of the world to know
what your personal triggers are, to remember your personal
triggers (which might be the exact opposite of another friend's
personal triggers), and to carefully tiptoe so as to not ever
offend you (all yous general) is, in my opinion, ridiculous. I
think we should try to be sensitive and caring toward other
people, but I would distance myself from anyone who attacked me
for inadvertently calling them by the wrong name, for whatever
reason. Life is too short to be stressed out that my friends and
loved ones are looking for reasons to be upset with me.
#Post#: 15117--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Aleko
Date: October 2, 2018, 11:13 am
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O
--- Quote ---
> h my gosh: have you ever called a twin by the wrong name? I
had one FLIP OUT on me. Nevermind the fact that I regularly mix
up names as they come out of my mouth--I know the right name in
my head. If you do it to a twin it's not an accident, it's a
huge moral offense.
--- End Quote ---
Ha! I went to school with a pair of identical twins, who not
only routinely dressed identically but came to school on a
tandem bike (which was, naturally, christened 'Daisy'). They
couldn't object to being called by each other's names, since
they traded on the resemblance once they were in 6th form and
had different timetables - a teacher spotting one of them could
never be 100% sure whether she was where she was supposed to be
or not. But the result is that I'm now chronically unable to
separate the names Miriam and Melissa in my mind - I once had a
work supervisor called Melissa and frequently called her Miriam,
which understandably didn't endear me to her.
#Post#: 15119--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: VorFemme
Date: October 2, 2018, 11:21 am
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Decades ago, I had a friendly neighbor who had seven older
brothers. She was the only girl. Her mother called out names
until she got to the name of the person that she wanted to talk
to...and had been doing this for years.
She told me once that she had gotten mad about it when younger,
but figured out when she got older that her mother had spent six
years pregnant...and she never objected to her mother calling
the boys that way again. She still would have liked being
called by her name first, as the ONLY girl, but it wasn't worth
getting too upset about it. At least Mom was calling her by her
name at the end of the list!
#Post#: 15174--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Celestia
Date: October 2, 2018, 4:26 pm
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--- Quote from: Aleko link ---
>
> [quote]In full fairness, though, it's much easier for these
things to slide off and not bother a person who doesn't have any
existing issues with them.
--- End Quote ---
Absolutely. Nevertheless, the world at large will not bend
around anyone's issues: and if your gender is confusing even to
you, you have to accept that it is going to be even more
confusing to other people, and not blame them for it. Refusing
to accept that fact is purely self-destructive; and people who
cushion their loved ones from it are not really helping them.
[/quote]
Sure, but my point is it's irrelevant for cisgender people to
talk about how being misgendered never bothered them.
#Post#: 15590--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Thitpualso
Date: October 7, 2018, 3:25 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: VorFemme link ---
>
> Decades ago, I had a friendly neighbor who had seven older
brothers. She was the only girl. Her mother called out names
until she got to the name of the person that she wanted to talk
to...and had been doing this for years.
>
> She told me once that she had gotten mad about it when
younger, but figured out when she got older that her mother had
spent six years pregnant...and she never objected to her mother
calling the boys that way again. She still would have liked
being called by her name first, as the ONLY girl, but it wasn't
worth getting too upset about it. At least Mom was calling her
by her name at the end of the list!
>
--- End Quote ---
My mother did that too. When she wanted to call me she’d go
through her two sister’s names and the names of my five female
cousins before she got to my name. When she started that and I
knew my aunts weren’t around, I’d just come to her. That was
what you did when you were the youngest one in the family.
#Post#: 15598--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: guest657
Date: October 7, 2018, 7:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Thitpualso link ---
>
> [quote author=VorFemme link=topic=511.msg15119#msg15119
date=1538497276]
> Decades ago, I had a friendly neighbor who had seven older
brothers. She was the only girl. Her mother called out names
until she got to the name of the person that she wanted to talk
to...and had been doing this for years.
>
> She told me once that she had gotten mad about it when
younger, but figured out when she got older that her mother had
spent six years pregnant...and she never objected to her mother
calling the boys that way again. She still would have liked
being called by her name first, as the ONLY girl, but it wasn't
worth getting too upset about it. At least Mom was calling her
by her name at the end of the list!
>
--- End Quote ---
My mother did that too. When she wanted to call me she’d go
through her two sister’s names and the names of my five female
cousins before she got to my name. When she started that and I
knew my aunts weren’t around, I’d just come to her. That was
what you did when you were the youngest one in the family.
[/quote]
My grandma went through the whole list of her children and their
spouses, then the grandchildren, til she got the one she wanted.
Not usually the whole name - most of the time she'd just get out
the first syllable and cut herself off. The bad thing was, the
more wrong names she said, the more frustrated she'd become. So
if it really was me (the youngest) she was calling, she'd always
be in a swivet by the time she got to me.
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