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#Post#: 14691--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Kaymyth
Date: September 27, 2018, 12:48 pm
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On genuine genderfluidity vs attention-seeking:
These two things aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. Just
because you've got a bombastic personality that needs to
overdramatize everything doesn't automatically mean that they're
making things up out of whole cloth.
Treat their genderfluidity as genuine without getting sucked
into the drama. I like the suggestions of trying to find a
gender-neutral nickname. You can also use gender-neutral
pronouns when referring to them in the third person (either the
easy to remember they/their or something more esoteric like
zie/zir).
#Post#: 14694--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: HenrysMom
Date: September 27, 2018, 2:24 pm
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I agree with a gender-neutral nickname. I call my “niblings”
(is that now a word, BTW?) Kiddo, the Kid, Bratling, etc.
(Dear, Sweetie, and Honey are just too mushy for me). But at my
age, while I’m all for people being who they need to be and
folks accepting who and where people are at any point in time,
the minute-to-minute gender fluidity would be beyond me - I’d be
“for crying out loud, pick a gender and stick with it for 15
minutes already!”
(Another “new” word I just learned: “frunk,” which is the front
trunk of an electric car.)
#Post#: 14709--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: browzer11
Date: September 27, 2018, 11:50 pm
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This may not be politically correct, but anyone that changes
their gender identity over the course of a meal needs serious
psychiatric help.
#Post#: 14722--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Irked Purist
Date: September 28, 2018, 8:28 am
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It's not only 'not politically correct', whatever TF that means
(since its definition can apparently fluctuate wildly to suit
any argument), it's completely unwarranted.
Kaymyth's post encapsulates what I think of as truth,
necessity, and kindness.
#Post#: 14727--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Kimberami
Date: September 28, 2018, 8:55 am
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Would it be appropriate to have a private conversation with a
gender fluid individual ask them:
To be patient with me because I might make a mistake.
To assure them that I am trying my best to respect them.
I'm not trying to make their issue about me. I sincerely want to
make everyone feel comfortable and happy.
#Post#: 14733--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Jem
Date: September 28, 2018, 9:37 am
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--- Quote from: Kimpossible link ---
>
> Would it be appropriate to have a private conversation with a
gender fluid individual ask them:
>
> To be patient with me because I might make a mistake.
> To assure them that I am trying my best to respect them.
>
> I'm not trying to make their issue about me. I sincerely want
to make everyone feel comfortable and happy.
>
--- End Quote ---
I think this makes sense, but I also think that a person who
claims gender fluidity should not make *their* issue about
anyone else either. It is not intuitive to know how any
particular person wants to be addressed, particularly if the
person claims it changes depending on ____ or depending on
nothing at all. It is unfair, IMHO, to "call out" or be offended
if a person mistakenly uses the "wrong" pronoun, or to assign
some sort of malevolent motivation (approaching it as the
non-gender fluid person's issue).
Obviously people should not actively antagonize by knowingly
using the "wrong" pronoun or ____.
#Post#: 14737--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Aleko
Date: September 28, 2018, 10:47 am
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--- Quote ---
> It is unfair, IMHO, to "call out" or be offended if a person
mistakenly uses the "wrong" pronoun, or to assign some sort of
malevolent motivation (approaching it as the non-gender fluid
person's issue).
--- End Quote ---
And not only unfair but self-destructive. People who know and
love you may labour to comply with your difficult requirements,
but you can NOT expect the whole world to do the same, even if
they can work out what the heck those requirements are. If you
can't accept that as a fact of life and be prepared to accept
good intentions however clunkily-expressed, you have a much
bigger problem than gender-fluidity to overcome.
#Post#: 14953--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Twik
Date: October 1, 2018, 9:08 am
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I perhaps don't fully understand what transgender people are
going through, but I know it's important to them, and respect
that.
However, the person in the opening post does seem to think the
world revolves around them, and that if they're feeling more
like "Jack" at one moment, everyone should pick up on it, even
if they were "Jill" five minutes earlier. I wonder how they
expect people to tell? Do they just announce "I'm Jack now," or
do they expect people to notice things like body language? If
it's the latter, they really are putting an excessive
expectation that people are paying them contact attention.
#Post#: 14960--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Aleko
Date: October 1, 2018, 10:05 am
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--- Quote ---
> I wonder how they expect people to tell? Do they just announce
"I'm Jack now," or do they expect people to notice things like
body language? If it's the latter, they really are putting an
excessive expectation that people are paying them contact
attention.
--- End Quote ---
Absolutely. My mother, throughout her life, occasionally got
addressed as 'sir' whenever she went out wearing trousers, and
sometimes so do I. It's not that either of us has ever been or
dressed butch, and our figures go in and out at the appropriate
places (in fact rather too much in my case); I suppose it's
because we just never acted girly. We lived with it, mildly
amused. OP might point out that if many people mistake the
gender even of people who have been and have identified as one
gender all their lives, it's a totally unreasonable expectation
that they should correctly identify a gender that is changing
from minute to minute.
#Post#: 14963--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: October 1, 2018, 10:28 am
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--- Quote from: Aleko link ---
>
> [quote] I wonder how they expect people to tell? Do they just
announce "I'm Jack now," or do they expect people to notice
things like body language? If it's the latter, they really are
putting an excessive expectation that people are paying them
contact attention.
--- End Quote ---
Absolutely. My mother, throughout her life, occasionally got
addressed as 'sir' whenever she went out wearing trousers, and
sometimes so do I. It's not that either of us has ever been or
dressed butch, and our figures go in and out at the appropriate
places (in fact rather too much in my case); I suppose it's
because we just never acted girly. We lived with it, mildly
amused. OP might point out that if many people mistake the
gender even of people who have been and have identified as one
gender all their lives, it's a totally unreasonable expectation
that they should correctly identify a gender that is changing
from minute to minute.
[/quote]
I used to get addressed as 'sir' when I was wearing a skirt,
make-up and used to have hair I could sit on. I had a willowy,
but definitely female figure [now, I also have too much going in
and out in the appropriate places].
It used to make me laugh, and wonder what kind of bloke the man
[it was invariably a man who assumed I was a man] thought I was?
The most hilarious occasion had me being asked what I was going
to buy my 'girlfriend' (a friend's younger sister I was
chaperoning) - she'd not yet 'developed', was wearing boyfriend
jeans, had short hair and the sort of incipient moustache that
can trouble very dark-haired ladies. I thought she looked more
masculine than I did
I never took offence - perhaps I wasn't looking for it hard
enough?
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