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#Post#: 8213--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
By: TootsNYC Date: July 9, 2018, 2:27 pm
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[quote author=Celestia link=topic=511.msg8085#msg8085
date=1531017349]
I would think the best way to treat it regardless of the truth
of her case is as an insignificant detail. Anytime s/he corrects
you, "auntie, I'm Jack," you just smile, acknowledge it, "sorry,
Jack, now let me tell you about my...".
If it's genuine, you respect the expression (even if it's out of
the norm to swap pronouns on THAT much of a whim) and show
you're supportive.
If it's attention-seeking, you aren't giving undue attention.
It'd be a much bigger deal and much more drama to refuse and
call hir identity into question.
I suspect if it's genuine, Jack/Jill will eventually get tired
of having to correct people 17 times a day, and will find a way
to compromise with a gender-neutral nickname or by just ignoring
some misgendering. It's possible that right now it feels like
the most important thing in the world to be gendered correctly
at every moment, but it must get exhausting if it does change
that often. Without knowing the individual, I wouldn't think
attention-grabbing until a year or so had gone by and they were
still doing it.
[/quote]
I'm w/ Celestia.
And I'd also say, keep apologies and conversation about the
grammar or word choice to a minimum. Just correct yourself and
move right on.
I often feel that the TRUE way you support other people is by
simply treating them as themselves. So if you've goofed on their
name, or their pronoun, or their job, you say, "Oh, sorry," and
immediately correct yourself.
My brother the army non-com says, "I don't want you to
apologize. I want you to set it right." So, don't apologize so
much; just switch to the right word.
#Post#: 8225--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
By: OnyxBird Date: July 9, 2018, 3:24 pm
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[quote author=Thitpualso link=topic=511.msg8212#msg8212
date=1531164395]
Yes!
Psychiatric diagnoses are not what we should be doing here and,
a few posts back, I thanked those who provided helpful hints on
how to deal with a teen drama queen. I hoped that would be the
end of the discussion. I still hope the discussion will end.
[/quote]
Trying to diagnose someone based on a post definitely isn't
appropriate, and should stop. However, I don't think it's
reasonable to expect a message board discussion to stop just
because you've gotten what you wanted out of it. Once you put a
question out on a board like this, it's pretty much fair game
for people to (politely) discuss and use as a springboard to
discuss the surrounding etiquette. And that's really why the
board is useful! If people were only "allowed" (either by formal
rules or convention) to discuss what the OP intended/wanted/was
interested in, the board would be a lot less interesting and
thus have few people weighing in with advice.
I don't think you have any obligation to keep reading if you've
gotten what you needed, but I think others are entitled to
continue the discussion with or without you.
#Post#: 8227--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
By: Rose Red Date: July 9, 2018, 4:14 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Since you don't see GN often and suspect this is just a grab for
attention, how about just calling him/her Honey, Dear, Sweetie,
Hey You, etc.
If Jill becomes Jack in the middle of dinner, they need to
calmly say "I'm Jack now" and move on. I don't have time for
guessing games and dramatics.
#Post#: 8229--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
By: NFPwife Date: July 9, 2018, 4:28 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
The first season of the podcast "Invisibilia" had an episode
about gender fluidity. The person they featured shifted from day
to day and sometimes during the day and, IIRC, in the end fully
transitioned to a gender that didn't match their sex at birth.
The shifting in and out seemed to be, for this individual, a
step on the continuum to full transition. I'm not suggesting GN
will be the same, but, perhaps if you don't see hir for a bit,
there will be a more stability in gender day to day and gender
can be established once for a visit.
Or not. Which is why I like "honey" or "lovey" or "sugar" or
another endearment. I call my nephews all those things.
If GN is attention seeking and this is the new arena in which to
seek attention, then the ideas around "Oh, sorry Jack. About the
cats...." with little to no fuss are spot on.
#Post#: 8238--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
By: MrsG Date: July 9, 2018, 5:40 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Mary Sunshine Rain link=topic=511.msg8190#msg8190
date=1531154680]
While it may be within bounds to suggest that someone's behavior
seems to point to some kind of mental illness, actually
diagnosing that person is unethical. Even more so if you are a
mental health practitioner.
Perhaps we should stick to the etiquette of the situation.
[/quote]
There is nothing unethical in stating an opinion. There is a
huge difference between stating an opinion based on the
information given and actually doing an assessment for diagnosis
which was not the case here. You cannot diagnose without the pt
actually being present. but you can certainly render an opinion
based upon information given which is exactly what I did. Now
let's move on.
#Post#: 8243--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
By: guest725 Date: July 9, 2018, 6:37 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
You stated the person has sociopathic tendencies, you were
called out on it, and now you want to move on? May I remind you
that you HAVE NEVER MET THE PERSON IN QUESTION? Seriously, who
the hell are you to make declarations of someone else's mental
state based on one incident? FFS.
#Post#: 8247--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
By: LadyX Date: July 9, 2018, 7:52 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Whoa whoa whoa! Chill!!!
puppylove---do not personally attack fellow posters like that.
MrsG--do not try and diagnose the family and friends of your
fellow posters.
#Post#: 8249--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
By: MrsG Date: July 9, 2018, 7:54 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=puppylove link=topic=511.msg8243#msg8243
date=1531179472]
You stated the person has sociopathic tendencies, you were
called out on it, and now you want to move on? May I remind you
that you HAVE NEVER MET THE PERSON IN QUESTION? Seriously, who
the hell are you to make declarations of someone else's mental
state based on one incident? FFS.
[/quote]
I stated let's move because several people asked to get back to
the etiquette point of things so I was doing just that. And,
effectively, that's NOT what I stated. I suggest you go back and
read it again. I rendered an OPINION, not a diagnosis. Big
difference. ::)Seriously, this is one of the reasons I always
skipped posting over the original board. You're getting awfully
testy about somebody you don't know either. And don't worry
Lady B, no diagnosing. Just opinions and after this I'm not even
going to share those. Yeesh.
#Post#: 8250--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
By: LadyX Date: July 9, 2018, 8:27 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=MrsG link=topic=511.msg8249#msg8249
date=1531184054]
[quote author=puppylove link=topic=511.msg8243#msg8243
date=1531179472]
You stated the person has sociopathic tendencies, you were
called out on it, and now you want to move on? May I remind you
that you HAVE NEVER MET THE PERSON IN QUESTION? Seriously, who
the hell are you to make declarations of someone else's mental
state based on one incident? FFS.
[/quote]
I stated let's move because several people asked to get back to
the etiquette point of things so I was doing just that. And,
effectively, that's NOT what I stated. I suggest you go back and
read it again. I rendered an OPINION, not a diagnosis. Big
difference. ::) Seriously, this is one of the reasons I always
skipped posting over the original board. You're getting awfully
testy about somebody you don't know either. And don't worry
Lady B, no diagnosing. Just opinions and after this I'm not even
going to share those. Yeesh.
[/quote]
Stop attacking puppylove. While I don't condone her tone at
all, I understand her frustration.
You may not think you are offering a diagnosis, but from a
layperson's POV that is very much how it comes across,
especially when you use a word like "sociopathic."
The focus of this forum is etiquette. Please stay on topic.
#Post#: 8385--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gender Blending?
By: Amethyst Anne Date: July 11, 2018, 3:36 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=511.msg8213#msg8213
date=1531164438]
[quote author=Celestia link=topic=511.msg8085#msg8085
date=1531017349]
I would think the best way to treat it regardless of the truth
of her case is as an insignificant detail. Anytime s/he corrects
you, "auntie, I'm Jack," you just smile, acknowledge it, "sorry,
Jack, now let me tell you about my...".
If it's genuine, you respect the expression (even if it's out of
the norm to swap pronouns on THAT much of a whim) and show
you're supportive.
If it's attention-seeking, you aren't giving undue attention.
It'd be a much bigger deal and much more drama to refuse and
call hir identity into question.
I suspect if it's genuine, Jack/Jill will eventually get tired
of having to correct people 17 times a day, and will find a way
to compromise with a gender-neutral nickname or by just ignoring
some misgendering. It's possible that right now it feels like
the most important thing in the world to be gendered correctly
at every moment, but it must get exhausting if it does change
that often. Without knowing the individual, I wouldn't think
attention-grabbing until a year or so had gone by and they were
still doing it.
[/quote]
I'm w/ Celestia.
And I'd also say, keep apologies and conversation about the
grammar or word choice to a minimum. Just correct yourself and
move right on.
I often feel that the TRUE way you support other people is by
simply treating them as themselves. So if you've goofed on their
name, or their pronoun, or their job, you say, "Oh, sorry," and
immediately correct yourself.
My brother the army non-com says, "I don't want you to
apologize. I want you to set it right." So, don't apologize so
much; just switch to the right word.
[/quote]
I like what Celestia and TootsNYC said. I would also use Honey,
Sweetie, Dear, etc, when addressing GN directly as Rose Red
suggested.
Golly, Thitluaso, between your GN and my Brother’sDD, dealing
with family members can get complicated. Being our AdultSelves
can get tiring. I’m sending good thoughts your way during this
upcoming visit with your GN.
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