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#Post#: 8587--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hugging when it doesn't seem right
By: Chez Miriam Date: July 13, 2018, 2:34 pm
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Do you hug other people?
If you don't hug anyone, it's less noticeable if you don't hug
Kay...
If you do hug others, I would be tempted to take a big step
backwards and state "we're not close enough to hug each other,
are we?", and just keep backing away.
Only the truly stalkerish don't get the hint after a couple of
steps backwards.
Good luck, and I hope you and your mum find a way to handle this
that you are happy with. [Kay being happy is not high on the
priority list!]
#Post#: 9438--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hugging when it doesn't seem right
By: SnappyLT Date: July 23, 2018, 10:01 pm
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My very first reaction when I read the OP was to think "Yuck!
Given the history, I wouldn't want to hug Kay, either." There
are some good suggestions - and a video - on ways to do that in
previous replies.
Then I started to second-guess myself. What does Despedina want
as an outcome? It is entirely possible that Kay might use a
hug-refusal as an excuse to escalate the exclusion of Despedina.
If Despedina wants to be more included at all costs, she might
accept the hug even though she doesn't want to.
Then again, it might not be worth it. Would accepting the hug
lead to better treatment from Despedina's father? Given his
history of excluding Despidina, I wonder about that.
#Post#: 9474--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hugging when it doesn't seem right
By: Despedina Date: July 24, 2018, 9:12 am
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[quote author=SnappyLT link=topic=508.msg9438#msg9438
date=1532401272]
My very first reaction when I read the OP was to think "Yuck!
Given the history, I wouldn't want to hug Kay, either." There
are some good suggestions - and a video - on ways to do that in
previous replies.
Then I started to second-guess myself. What does Despedina want
as an outcome? It is entirely possible that Kay might use a
hug-refusal as an excuse to escalate the exclusion of Despedina.
If Despedina wants to be more included at all costs, she might
accept the hug even though she doesn't want to.
Then again, it might not be worth it. Would accepting the hug
lead to better treatment from Despedina's father? Given his
history of excluding Despidina, I wonder about that.
[/quote]
The hugging will not change anything about our relationship. I
don't know why she wants to hug me. I've allowed her a few times
to hug me anyway and nothing has changed.
What I want is not to be touched by someone who clearly does not
care about me one bit or care about my children. It feels fake
and I feel like she's doing it for the sake of my grandparents
or others that are present. On the question earlier asking if I
hug others, I really don't. We are not a very "huggy" family. I
do hug my young nieces and nephews.
#Post#: 9482--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hugging when it doesn't seem right
By: Luci Date: July 24, 2018, 10:07 am
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Something finally worked! I just realized that a certain member
of our DIL' s family doesn’t try to hug me anymore! She is a
hugger and a gift giver; I prefer quality time and always being
there when you need me. For a few years this woman tried to hug
me and I always had my hands full or needed to tend to
something.
I would certainly never hug someone like Kay, even to the point
of saying, "Oh, look! There's Barb! I must go see her. Please
excuse me." as I walk away. Semi-rude, but I value my personal
space that much.
#Post#: 9511--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hugging when it doesn't seem right
By: BeagleMommy Date: July 24, 2018, 2:07 pm
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Can you try to position your purse between you and Kay?
Sometimes a physical barrier works well.
#Post#: 9677--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hugging when it doesn't seem right
By: MOM21SON Date: July 25, 2018, 11:30 pm
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WOW! I could be you! My father and step mother have been
married for longer than my parents were. I hate hugging her. I
do it for the sake of harmony. I only see her about once every
2-5 years though.
A visit is coming up and my stomach already hurts. lol.
I have no advice, sorry
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