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DIR Return to: Etiquette Phrases and Tactics
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#Post#: 4288--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
DIR By: MrsG
Date: June 3, 2018, 3:28 pm
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People often times don't know how to respond when somebody is
dealing with grief and if they don't know what's happening in
one's life they definitely don't know they're giving a wrong
response. I use moments like this as an education moment. I
would have said something to the extent of "I'm sorry but I
recently lost a loved one and I'm not exactly in the frame of
mind to smile." It's direct and to the point without being rude.
Usually this results in the 'offender' apologizing and then
trying to back-peddle with phrases like "I'm so sorry, I had no
idea...". When that happens I just say "it's okay, you didn't
know, but, for the future, you never know what somebody is going
through. It might be better to say something like "you're
looking down today, is everything all right?". In that moment
you've made your surprise at the insensitivity known while
educating the person on the appropriate behavior. I'm sorry you
lost so many people at once, I hope you're doing better now.
#Post#: 4304--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
DIR By: peony
Date: June 3, 2018, 6:37 pm
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MrsG, thank you, and I am doing better now. At the time I didn't
have the presence of mind to respond sensibly to his comment.
The look of horror on my face was pure gut reaction, and I could
only respond by silence. I agree that there wasn't any way he
could have known what I was going through, but then again I
don't think he should have said to a random person (me), "smile,
you look like you died." That's just...tactless. Not overtly
rude, but not a good idea.
#Post#: 6213--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
DIR By: guest426
Date: June 20, 2018, 3:20 pm
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I've had people comment that when I'm lost in thought, I tend to
have the male equivalent of "Resting B*tch Face." I don't know
how I'd respond to a random stranger telling me to smile. I'd
probably be so weirded out that my expression would be a
raised-eyebrow sort of thing.
#Post#: 7708--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
DIR By: Copper Horsewoman
Date: July 3, 2018, 3:09 pm
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--- Quote from: MrTango link ---
>
> I've had people comment that when I'm lost in thought, I tend
to have the male equivalent of "Resting B*tch Face." I don't
know how I'd respond to a random stranger telling me to smile.
I'd probably be so weirded out that my expression would be a
raised-eyebrow sort of thing.
>
--- End Quote ---
I will note that I have both had the "Smile!" demand applied to
me, and heard of it being applied to other women, but have never
heard of it being said to a man. The times that someone has told
me, "you look very pale, are you OK?" I had to inform them that
I was always this pale, I'm fine, thanks. The ones who continue
to spout that NO ONE should look this pale, there MUST be
something wrong, etc. etc. got blank, silent stare until they
desisted.
#Post#: 7724--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: July 3, 2018, 6:41 pm
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I wonder how MrTango gets told about his face.
I wonder if men are asked, "Is something wrong?" or "you look
upset," instead of "smile!"
#Post#: 8075--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
DIR By: gmatoy
Date: July 7, 2018, 7:05 pm
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--- Quote from: Lil Nana link ---
>
> We had a little plaque that hung in the kitchen when I was a
kid.
> As I sat thinking
> Alone and melancholy
> And without a friend
> There came a voice
> Out of the gloom
> Saying, cheer up
> Things could be worse
>
> So I cheered up
> And sure enough
> Things got worse
>
--- End Quote ---
We had the same thing in our kitchen!! Sister!
#Post#: 8281--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
DIR By: guest426
Date: July 10, 2018, 11:52 am
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--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
> I wonder how MrTango gets told about his face.
>
> I wonder if men are asked, "Is something wrong?" or "you look
upset," instead of "smile!"
>
--- End Quote ---
It's never been a stranger, usually LadyTango or another friend
will say something, usually something like "what's up?" or
"Something wrong?"
#Post#: 8282--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: July 10, 2018, 12:41 pm
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--- Quote from: MrTango link ---
>
> [quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=49.msg7724#msg7724
date=1530661300]
> I wonder how MrTango gets told about his face.
>
> I wonder if men are asked, "Is something wrong?" or "you look
upset," instead of "smile!"
>
--- End Quote ---
It's never been a stranger, usually LadyTango or another friend
will say something, usually something like "what's up?" or
"Something wrong?"
[/quote]
interesting--so people seem to assume that you're entitled to
your negative emotions, whereas when people are told to just
"smile!", it's as if there's an assumption that whatever they
might be feeling doesn't matter.
Or, if we are willing to be generous, we might think the
"Smile!" people want to "fix" the woman's negative emotion for
her--but they don't care enough to find out about it first.
I wonder if men are ever told to "Smile!"
#Post#: 57075--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
DIR By: holly firestorm
Date: September 8, 2020, 5:42 pm
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--- Quote from: vintagegal link ---
>
> yes, the people who tell you to "Smile!" so that their path
may be strewn with rose petals and smiling faces. ???
>
--- End Quote ---
I think it's also considered a very sexist thing since men are
very rarely told to "Smile!" I think there's that old assumption
that women have to be pretty and accommodating and worry about
how they are making everyone else feel rather than how they feel
themselves.
How DARE you order me to smile?! Is how I feel whenever someone
says that to me. But, and I know this may not be ettiquette
approved, I have replied on occasion, "Why? are you leaving?"
#Post#: 57077--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
DIR By: Dazi
Date: September 8, 2020, 5:46 pm
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--- Quote from: holly firestorm link ---
>
> [quote author=vintagegal link=topic=49.msg1002#msg1002
date=1526474725]
> yes, the people who tell you to "Smile!" so that their path
may be strewn with rose petals and smiling faces. ???
>
--- End Quote ---
I think it's also considered a very sexist thing since men are
very rarely told to "Smile!" I think there's that old assumption
that women have to be pretty and accommodating and worry about
how they are making everyone else feel rather than how they feel
themselves.
How DARE you order me to smile?! Is how I feel whenever someone
says that to me. But, and I know this may not be ettiquette
approved, I have replied on occasion, "Why? are you leaving?"
[/quote]
It's the only plus side to these damn masks. No one can see if
you have RBF or not, so no "SMILE" comments.
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