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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 180--------------------------------------------------
I couldn't say a word...
By: peony Date: May 11, 2018, 7:04 pm
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A couple years ago, within a short span of time (months), I lost
two close family members and one more distant one, and I was
feeling quite sad and a little lost. I went to work and I
thought I was putting up a good front, but someone came up to me
and said "Cheer up! You look like you're dying!" The thought had
actually had crossed my mind earlier that day, because I have a
very small set of relatives, "who's next to go, will it be me?"
And the only way I could reply to his comment was stunned
silence. I hope the look of horror on my face showed him that
saying things like that to random people might not be a good
idea.
#Post#: 272--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
By: Magenta Date: May 12, 2018, 4:44 pm
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I hate the "cheer up" people. It's like they just assume that
you don't have any problems that would take away your "cheer" or
you should just get over your problems and be happy anyway
because...?
#Post#: 285--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
By: RevMaxx Date: May 12, 2018, 5:42 pm
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"Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are."
~My Mom
#Post#: 317--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
By: AliciaLynette Date: May 13, 2018, 2:13 am
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[quote author=Magenta link=topic=49.msg272#msg272
date=1526161487]
I hate the "cheer up" people. It's like they just assume that
you don't have any problems that would take away your "cheer" or
you should just get over your problems and be happy anyway
because...?
[/quote]
Along the same vein is "Smile, it could be worse!", to which my
default reply is "I did, and it got worse!"
#Post#: 1002--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
By: vintagegal Date: May 16, 2018, 7:45 am
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yes, the people who tell you to "Smile!" so that their path may
be strewn with rose petals and smiling faces. ???
#Post#: 2690--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
By: Lil Nana Date: May 20, 2018, 9:31 pm
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We had a little plaque that hung in the kitchen when I was a
kid.
As I sat thinking
Alone and melancholy
And without a friend
There came a voice
Out of the gloom
Saying, cheer up
Things could be worse
So I cheered up
And sure enough
Things got worse
#Post#: 3700--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
By: lakey Date: May 27, 2018, 11:55 am
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The problem with the "Cheer up" and "Smile" comments is that
they have no idea why you might be gloomy. Life can be tough and
it is perfectly normal to not be cheery all the time.
#Post#: 3713--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
By: MinMom3 Date: May 27, 2018, 3:50 pm
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With the best will in the world, I am a lot less cheery than I
used to be. For multiple reasons, many of which I've posted
about on the old board, so not rehashing now. I tend to have
RBF at the best of times, and I'm sure it's only stronger now
that life has happened and I have grey hair - so I'm pretty
sure I now look like a Cranky Older Woman. Anybody saying such
a fatuous thing to me would get a good strong glare. I still
get teary at times, too.
Nobody owes the world a smile.
#Post#: 3714--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
By: LadyX Date: May 27, 2018, 4:53 pm
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In general, I think it's a very bad idea to tell someone they
"look like _________" if it's something negative, unless they
are truly concerned for your health.
I had someone once say "I don't mean to come across as insulting
but you look like you're dying." The context was that I was
running to store for an antacid before having to so a workshop
and I felt really terrible. Thought I could fix it with some
TUMS.
What I didn't know was that I was experiencing what would
become, over the following several hours, an even worse case of
peritonitis. So, in a way, that person was right--I was
seriously ill and it showed on my face--I guess i was white as a
sheet. And I was striving to get through the evening--I didn't
want to bail, had a smile on my face.
I'm still not sure about how I feel about what that person said.
It didn't feel like it came from a place of compassion.
I think there should have been something more along the lines
of: "So, you don't feel well? I'm worried about you, because
there is no color in your face. You look like you may be really
ill."
That would have felt more compassionate.
And that's what gets me about the guy in the OP. Like, if you
are concerned enough that you would say anything, why would not
come from a place of compassion. Say "you look really sad
today, anything I can do to help?" A little compassion goes a
long way.
#Post#: 3816--------------------------------------------------
Re: I couldn't say a word...
By: Octavia Date: May 28, 2018, 9:41 pm
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"I might smile if you give me something to smile about...several
one hundred dollar bills and a few bars of chocolate would be a
good start." ;D
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