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#Post#: 7689--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Wanaca
Date: July 3, 2018, 12:40 pm
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I'd have no issues with segregating our cats for a visit.
Usually the cats segregate themselves anyway.
I warn people before they come in case they have any allergies.
With nine indoor cats, there will be dander. We do a good job
vacuuming cat hair but I'm sure if someone has an allergy that
they'd get sick in our home.
I draw the line by not allowing any animals other than our own
to be brought into our home. They aren't allowed past the front
door. Smelling another animal in our home could cause several
of the cats to have litter box issues. We absolutely can't have
that.
#Post#: 7691--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: July 3, 2018, 12:51 pm
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I'm a former cat owner, but I've never been fond of dogs. I
haven't had a problem (so far) with visiting people who had dogs
because all those dogs have pretty much left me along after an
initial introduction. However, if I was visiting someone with
an assertive dog who wouldn't leave me alone, and I asked the
owner to please keep the dog away from me (not necessarily in a
different room, just not pawing at me) and they
wouldn't/couldn't do that, I'd have no problem leaving. I know
it isn't the dog's problem that I don't like them, and if the
owner isn't willing/able to keep the dog separated from me I
don't see that I have any right to ask the dog be put in a
different room or otherwise locked up. My problem, not theirs,
though I wouldn't be visiting them ever again in order to avoid
future problems.
#Post#: 7692--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: July 3, 2018, 12:53 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Kiwipinball link ---
>
> [quote author=Hmmm link=topic=445.msg7656#msg7656
date=1530624872]
>
> I don't see it as cruel to the animal or "banishing" him from
his home. If we were having an adult dinner party, I wasn't
allowing my kids to be sitting at the table or running around
the family room. They were eating their dinner earlier and
spending most of their evening upstairs playing or doing other
things for 2 or 3 hours. If I have a "girls afternoon" by the
pool, my husband isn't out there hanging around with us. If my
son was having a bunch of friends over when the kids were
little, I wasn't allowing my daughter to plob down in the middle
of their activities and turn on Little Mermaid.
>
> To accomodate the needs of the family, I do not believe all
family members (including pets) need to have full access to all
areas of the home at all times.
>
> OP, let's say you had a roommate or SO. He or she had a friend
coming over who was deathly afraid of dogs and asked you to keep
your dog in your room for an hour. Would you tell your roommate
or SO that they could not have this friend over because you are
unwilling to let your dog take an hour nap in your room?
>
--- End Quote ---
If I'd be with my dog in the room, I'd have no problem with that
(e.g. roommate's friend). If I was expected to socialize with
the friend so that my dog would be alone? I wouldn't be happy
about that. Because my dog would not take an hour nap. She'd be
distressed the entire time. If given the choice, she might go
sleep in my room instead of socializing, but if she was closed
in my room she'd be distressed for a while at least. I see your
point about other sorts of activities where not 100% of the
family is welcome and it is a good analogy. I do think there's a
difference when the family member who's being separated (or
however we need to phrase that) can understand why they're
separated.
[/quote]
Well, I was thinking more of the situation where you were at
work or otherwise away and your roommate or spouse wanted to
invite this friend over. Would you refuse to allow the visit
until you were home or were able to take the dog with you
somewhere else?
Honestly, I see the issue of dogs or other animals being
comfortable with being separated for short periods of time a
training or conditioning issue. If as puppies, they are not
trained or conditioned to be comfortable being isolated for
periods of time, then they will never develop that ability. Just
like children who are never taught to entertain themselves. They
are constantly looking for external stimuli and always seeking
others to give them attention.
I had this conversation recently with a friend of mine. She
lives alone and has her own company. She's had her dog for about
8 years now. She takes her everywhere with her including to work
daily. She is now stuck with a situation where she can't leave
the dog alone for more than an hour or 2, so it really impacts
her lifestyle now. When the dog was a puppy, she didn't think of
the ramifications of not conditioning the dog to be separated
for periods of time. I love her dog and she is very well trained
and adorable. But I have a dog and 2 cats so, no she can't bring
her to my house. So if she is here, she's having to go home
after about an hour visit. She does have a couple of pet sitters
that she uses to come live at her house when she does travel.
She can't even go to a movie with us as it's too long of a
period to be away from the dog.
#Post#: 7717--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: frog24
Date: July 3, 2018, 4:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
My little one is afraid of dogs when they're ripping around.
Once the dogs are calm, she's fine with them. For us, as adults,
the dogs are small, but for her, the dog is chest-height or
taller, and usually out-weigh her. I'm sure even dog loving
adults would be uncomfortable if wolf hounds, or Great Danes, or
Rottweilers were zooming at them/around them in excitement.
I am extremely grateful that our friends with dogs are willing
to kennel their dogs until the excitement of "new people" has
subsided and the dog is no longer ripping around the place.
I understand it's the pet's home too, but isn't it the job of a
host to make one's guests comfortable, even sometimes at the
expense of their own comfort? Didn't kids have to give up their
individual rooms and bunk up for a few nights so visiting
relatives had a place to sleep? That was hosting and
hospitality. I agree with other posters; if you can't
accommodate guests at your home, make alternative arrangements.
#Post#: 7720--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Kiwipinball
Date: July 3, 2018, 5:47 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Hmmm link ---
>
> [quote author=Kiwipinball link=topic=445.msg7664#msg7664
date=1530628131]
> [quote author=Hmmm link=topic=445.msg7656#msg7656
date=1530624872]
>
> I don't see it as cruel to the animal or "banishing" him from
his home. If we were having an adult dinner party, I wasn't
allowing my kids to be sitting at the table or running around
the family room. They were eating their dinner earlier and
spending most of their evening upstairs playing or doing other
things for 2 or 3 hours. If I have a "girls afternoon" by the
pool, my husband isn't out there hanging around with us. If my
son was having a bunch of friends over when the kids were
little, I wasn't allowing my daughter to plob down in the middle
of their activities and turn on Little Mermaid.
>
> To accomodate the needs of the family, I do not believe all
family members (including pets) need to have full access to all
areas of the home at all times.
>
> OP, let's say you had a roommate or SO. He or she had a friend
coming over who was deathly afraid of dogs and asked you to keep
your dog in your room for an hour. Would you tell your roommate
or SO that they could not have this friend over because you are
unwilling to let your dog take an hour nap in your room?
>
--- End Quote ---
If I'd be with my dog in the room, I'd have no problem with that
(e.g. roommate's friend). If I was expected to socialize with
the friend so that my dog would be alone? I wouldn't be happy
about that. Because my dog would not take an hour nap. She'd be
distressed the entire time. If given the choice, she might go
sleep in my room instead of socializing, but if she was closed
in my room she'd be distressed for a while at least. I see your
point about other sorts of activities where not 100% of the
family is welcome and it is a good analogy. I do think there's a
difference when the family member who's being separated (or
however we need to phrase that) can understand why they're
separated.
[/quote]
Well, I was thinking more of the situation where you were at
work or otherwise away and your roommate or spouse wanted to
invite this friend over. Would you refuse to allow the visit
until you were home or were able to take the dog with you
somewhere else?
Honestly, I see the issue of dogs or other animals being
comfortable with being separated for short periods of time a
training or conditioning issue. If as puppies, they are not
trained or conditioned to be comfortable being isolated for
periods of time, then they will never develop that ability. Just
like children who are never taught to entertain themselves. They
are constantly looking for external stimuli and always seeking
others to give them attention.
I had this conversation recently with a friend of mine. She
lives alone and has her own company. She's had her dog for about
8 years now. She takes her everywhere with her including to work
daily. She is now stuck with a situation where she can't leave
the dog alone for more than an hour or 2, so it really impacts
her lifestyle now. When the dog was a puppy, she didn't think of
the ramifications of not conditioning the dog to be separated
for periods of time. I love her dog and she is very well trained
and adorable. But I have a dog and 2 cats so, no she can't bring
her to my house. So if she is here, she's having to go home
after about an hour visit. She does have a couple of pet sitters
that she uses to come live at her house when she does travel.
She can't even go to a movie with us as it's too long of a
period to be away from the dog.
[/quote]
An interesting question. My dog actually enjoys it when I leave
for a little while (I'm rarely gone for too long since I work
from home a lot and just leave for meetings, hearings, etc. My
dog has never cared enough about any of my roommates to feel she
was being kept away from them (and that's her issue - being kept
away; she seldom bothers me in the bathroom but gets mad if I
have the audacity to close the door and keep her out).
Presumably she'd be closer to a SO. I don't know how I'd feel
about that. Yes, for an hour she'd survive. If it was important
to my SO, I'd figure my dog could deal with it. If this was
going to be a weekly visit, I'd probably have a conversation
about whether they could meet somewhere else or if it could
coincide with me taking her for a walk in the park or something.
I'd like to think I wouldn't flat out refuse my SO something in
his house but would rather have a conversation.
I completely agree about dogs with separation issues. I had a
relative with a dog with severe separation anxiety (due to
trauma in the dog's past before my relative adopted her). It was
very difficult for my relative. We all had a lot of sympathy for
the dog (previous owners moved away and left her locked in the
house - she survived by catching and eating mice until found
>:( ) but it was not easy. With a dog without that trauma, much
easier to just start training early on.
#Post#: 7721--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Kiwipinball
Date: July 3, 2018, 5:49 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Wanaca link ---
>
> I'd have no issues with segregating our cats for a visit.
Usually the cats segregate themselves anyway.
>
> I warn people before they come in case they have any
allergies. With nine indoor cats, there will be dander. We do
a good job vacuuming cat hair but I'm sure if someone has an
allergy that they'd get sick in our home.
>
> I draw the line by not allowing any animals other than our own
to be brought into our home. They aren't allowed past the front
door. Smelling another animal in our home could cause several
of the cats to have litter box issues. We absolutely can't have
that.
>
--- End Quote ---
NINE cats? Wow. I'd better not come to your house. :) I can
usually handle being in a house with one cat for several hours
and two cats for a couple of hours. I don't think I would last
long in a house with 9 cats! I also try to warn people so that
if they're allergic or have other issues, we can figure
something else out. Especially for allergies as I think not
meeting in my house is the best solution (as you and others have
stated, there's only so much cleaning you can do especially when
the animals are still in the house).
#Post#: 7726--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: wonderfullyanonymous
Date: July 3, 2018, 7:23 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Growing up, a friend of my sisters was terrified of dogs, for no
known reason. She was never bitten, she just had a horrific fear
of dogs. When she came over to our house, the dogs were never
locked up. We always had giant dogs, too, except for Henry, he
was a beagle.
At first, she would not come over, but over the years, she over
came her fear, and yes, it took years. She became comfortable
enough with dogs, that her own parents got one.
The LW has the right to expect no dogs in her house, but she
can't expect the dogs in other people homes be locked up. In my
opinion, she should start exposing herself to dogs. Volunteer at
an animal shelter, start with the cats, until she becomes
accustomed to the sounds of the dogs barking. Move to puppies
and on to small dogs, etc. She is never really going to over
come her fear, until she starts exposing herself to dogs.
You almost can't walk down the street with out seeing dogs,
anymore.
#Post#: 7739--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: AmericanRose
Date: July 3, 2018, 10:01 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I have 2 cats. I would never 'surprise' anyone with them.
Everyone I know knows I have cats (they're my babies[emoji175]),
but if someone wants to stay on my couch, I make sure they
understand the cats will probably 'visit'. Putting them in the
bathroom would feel cruel to me (and just result in hours of
meowing), and they can't go in my bedroom because... I'm
allergic to cats. [emoji28]
And if someone declined to visit because of my cats, I would of
course be understanding and not force the issue!
#Post#: 7751--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Bada
Date: July 4, 2018, 9:15 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Girlie link ---
> (snip)
> I think that if OP's (or the person OP is writing about,
rather) SIL is taking her dogs to other people's houses and
expecting OP to just suck it up and "go back to therapy," the
SIL is waaaaay out of line. If Fiancé is the only member of the
family on OP's side, then the whole whopping clan has major
issues. If all of this is occurring in SIL's house, then I still
think it's way out of line to promise someone that you'll lock
your dogs away for a visit and then spring them on that
terrified person for....what? Your own sick amusement? I still
am not sure what SIL's ultimate goal is, but I think Fiance and
OP need to play a good game of Avoidance from now on.
>
--- End Quote ---
I see two layers of etiquette here. The first is what Girlie
pointed out: SIL seems to have just sprung the dog on LW.
That's appalling and awful in my book. I'd be avoiding SIL too
since she clearly cannot be trusted.
The second is what we're willing to do to accommodate phobias,
and there seems to be some disagreement.
Personally, my FIL loves his dog. He reportedly told my nephew
when Dog knocked him over, "Well it's Dog's house too," in
explaining why he wouldn't put Dog away. But when LO was
crawling, I asked the dog be kept away from him. FIL put Dog on
a leash inside so he couldn't get in LO's space but he could
still be out with us. I appreciated the compromise. But FIL
knew I was quite serious and our visit would have been much
shorter otherwise. Now that LO is bigger, if Dog tried to knock
him over, I'd request the leash again. As a kid, my uncle's
giant dog put his paws on my shoulders; I still don't enjoy
being around big dogs (or even medium-large-ish ones). So I want
to make sure LO doesn't have any scary experiences to color his
views and I'll do what I need to do to make that happen, even if
it means pushing my host to do something by threatening to leave
or by leaving.
#Post#: 7755--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: pierrotlunaire0
Date: July 4, 2018, 10:02 am
---------------------------------------------------------
In some ways, I am fortunate (I guess). My cat, Mr. Dudley,
does not have to be segregated if people come over. He will
gladly segregate himself because he hates strangers. Last
Thanksgiving, my sister and BIL came for a few days, along with
their very active wire haired terrier, Enzo. We all discussed
this ahead of time. We knew that Enzo would interact with Mr.
Dudley if he could, and we knew that Mr. Dudley would claw his
face off if he tried (we all knew the dog had no real chance of
hurting the cat, but Mr. Dudley has razors on his paws, besides
being frighteningly fast).
We put Mr. Dudley on the second floor, with full access to all
the rooms upstairs. Then we blocked off the stairs, and Enzo
was free to roam the ground floor. It seemed to work out pretty
well, with only one incident of excited barking when we think
Enzo caught sight of a cat shaped shadow at the top of the
stairs. Enzo was immediately taken for a long walk, and after
barking at some squirrels outside, seems to have forgotten about
any cat.
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