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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 7666--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: lowspark
Date: July 3, 2018, 9:38 am
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I think it's very much a personal choice whether or not to
confine your animals when you have guests, but if you choose not
to, then you have to own that and make it clear to your guests
that the animals will not be confined. It's then up to them to
visit or not.
For me, as long as the animals are controlled, I wouldn't have
an issue. If they are jumping on me or grabbing food from the
table, or that sort of thing, then it's not comfortable and I
won't stay. But again, I recognize that it's their home and the
host has the ultimate right to allow that behavior or curtail it
or remove the animals, and I, as the guest, have the right to
decide to stay or leave.
#Post#: 7667--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Twik
Date: July 3, 2018, 9:53 am
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I have no trouble being around animals. But phobias are things
you can't reason yourself out of. (And I imagine having dogs
deliberately set on you would give you a whopping one.) I've
seen strong, rational people reduced to jelly by them. It's
cruelty to expose people to something that activates the
sensation "I'm going to die now," and that's what a phobia does,
no matter how trivial the cause may seem to other people.
If the sister won't at least keep her dogs out of the room where
she's entertaining the letter writer, she cannot expect her to
visit.
#Post#: 7668--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: July 3, 2018, 9:59 am
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--- Quote from: lowspark link ---
>
> I think it's very much a personal choice whether or not to
confine your animals when you have guests, but if you choose not
to, then you have to own that and make it clear to your guests
that the animals will not be confined. It's then up to them to
visit or not.
>
> For me, as long as the animals are controlled, I wouldn't have
an issue. If they are jumping on me or grabbing food from the
table, or that sort of thing, then it's not comfortable and I
won't stay. But again, I recognize that it's their home and the
host has the ultimate right to allow that behavior or curtail it
or remove the animals, and I, as the guest, have the right to
decide to stay or leave.
>
--- End Quote ---
This.
I am fearful of dogs. I do not have a diagnosed phobia like the
LW, but I do prefer to be separated from doggos. Most people are
unaware of my issue, because I do not verbalize it often. To
make matters worse, I have always believed that if someone means
anything to me that I should take an interest in the things that
are important to them. Since I have commented on a few friends'
dog pictures, they seem to think that I am a pet lover. (Nope. I
love the people. I am glad that they get so much love from their
pets, but I am just not an animal person.)
With all that on the table, I understand how for many their dog
is a member of the family. That is a beautiful thing. However, I
do appreciate when people separate me from the dog. (Even if I
am the one in the bedroom and the pet can roam the house.) I can
not expect it and understand why some won't do it, but it does
make me feel more at ease in their home. If the pet is well
behaved, I have no issues with the dog not being locked up and
the pet being the same room. There have been a number of dogs
who get me. They chill on their side of the room and I do the
same... that works great. But I understand that some dogs are
more friendly, so I have learned to allow them to do their hello
and hopefully let me be. It is the dog that is insistent on my
attention that really starts to bother me.
I would never tell a dog owner in their own home that they
needed to lock up their pet. It is my thing to deal with. There
are a few homes that the dog really bothers me, so I try to
avoid visiting.
#Post#: 7669--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: July 3, 2018, 10:10 am
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I think it's fair to ask the people in your household to avoid
the main living areas (like, Mom hosts book club, and the kids
and Dad are asked to not come into the living room).
So I also think it's fair to "ask" one's pet to not come into
the main living area when a particular person is visiting. I
think it's incumbent on every pet owner to be prepared for a way
to segregate their pet. There are practical benefits to this as
well (want to paint something on a tarp in the living room? need
to open a hole in the bathroom for the plumber to work?).
if you don't want to do that, and you still want to be polite,
then you should always be the one to travel elsewhere, and you
need to be alert to ways you can reciprocate outside your own
home (in order to fulfill the obligation to not always be a
taker of hospitality, but to be a giver as well).
#Post#: 7671--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: ilikeblue
Date: July 3, 2018, 10:29 am
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With a dog and two cats in our house, we always warn any
potential guests in advance in case of allergies or other
problems. Our last dog was large and hyper excitable. He was
very good-natured, but he came on rather strong to anybody new
coming into the house (or really, anybody who rang the
doorbell). Luckily, he was crate trained and very good about
it, so when we did have families with smaller children who were
iffy about the big dog, we just crated him for the length of the
visit. Our current dog is medium-sized and much better behaved,
but less crate trained (kind of, but not so good about it), and
it's harder to close anything up in our current house. We'd
still try if we needed to for a short-term guest. But honestly,
if we have a friend who has more major allergies (or phobias),
we'd probably just not suggest meeting in our house at all.
#Post#: 7673--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Victoria
Date: July 3, 2018, 10:42 am
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If you've invited someone into your home, my mindset is that you
as the host have the responsibility to handle situations that
arise because of your pets. Emotions aside, it's not about the
pet, it's that you've created an issue for your guests. I
wouldn't host a party or gathering and when people arrived say
"By the way, I'm out of toilet paper" or "By the way, the A/C is
broken and it's 95 degrees inside." I also wouldn't expect
guests to feel the need to run through a checklist beforehand
and ask if I have toilet paper or if the A/C works. In the same
vein, I don't feel that the onus should be on the guest to
preemptively ask "Do you have pets? Do they obey commands not to
jump up or lick? Are they going to drool on me? Are you okay
with kenneling them or moving them to another room if they do,
or if they bark/snarl at me?" and then forcing the guest to back
out and state that they're afraid of dogs or can't handle being
drooled on, etc.
If I had a problem locking my dog up and I knew that she was
going to bark excessively or wouldn't stop drooling/licking
everyone, the gracious thing would be to at least state
beforehand that the dog was part of the family and would be in
the same room. But I'm also of the mindset that if I've asked
people to meet me in my home, I should be prepared to separate
the dog if she was causing problems.
#Post#: 7677--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Copper Horsewoman
Date: July 3, 2018, 11:42 am
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I have a dog and three cats. I have hosted people who have
issues with animals (allergic, afraid, too frail if my 70 pound
mutt brushes past them) and he goes either in my bedroom or out
in the yard. The cats also would be removed to a closed room if
they caused any problem. I love animals, but people come first.
The hair and dander that may trigger allergic reactions, I can
minimize but not completely remove, so severely allergic people
I meet somewhere else.
I had a very skilled craftsman renovate my kitchen when I had a
(very friendly) pit bull. He would only come in if I had locked
Otto in my bedroom, in a crate (yes, he was that scared) and
asked me to play Eric Clapton CDs while he worked. I got a great
kitchen done with loving care, a new appreciation for Slow
Hand's music, but even when I offered to bring Otto out on a
stout leash, he would not budge. Well, the kitchen is still a
joy.
#Post#: 7678--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: sandisadie
Date: July 3, 2018, 11:44 am
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We have four cats now and for several years we had a dog who has
since passed away. Our cats are used to being confined in a
bedroom for several hours at a time when we are doing DIY
things. Sometimes that can be as long as a day. Someone will
go in and pet and cuddle them several times a day, if it is for
the day. When we have someone over we always put them in a
bedroom beforehand because we don't want to have to pay
attention when people are going in and out, that the cats may
escape. My experience with cats is (extensive) that they
usually don't want to be around people who are not in our house
on a regular basis. We have had people over who love cats and
ask to go in and see ours. That's ok too, but almost always
nobody mentions the cats at all. I'm ok visiting in a house
with dogs roaming around as long as they don't jump on me or
growl at me.
I don't agree that animals need to always be everywhere in the
house. In my home the guests comfort comes before the pets
comfort.
Years ago I was an overnight guest at the home of a relative of
my husband, They had a dog that they used as a guard and kept
tied outside during the day and put inside at night. That dog
stood outside our room all night and barked, growled and
scratched on the door. I got no sleep that night and didn't
dare open the door to use the bathroom either. My husband
couldn't figure out why I didn't want to visit there anymore!
He said he slept through it all. The owners of the dog were mad
at me because the dog caused all that racket, but they didn't
put him outside during the night either.
#Post#: 7681--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: stonecoldnegan
Date: July 3, 2018, 11:59 am
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My dog is part of my home. My home is her home. I think it would
be reasonable to put the dog in the other room if it was for 2
hours maximum, if I'm hosting an event however its usually for
more than 2 hours. I'm not going to subject my dog to more than
2 hours of stress (hearing whats going on in the house and being
locked away). If the guest asked me ahead to put my dog in a
kennel overnight because they're uncomfortable around dogs, I'd
say I'm very sorry, I can't do that, and I hope to see them at
the next event. ;)
#Post#: 7688--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Girlie
Date: July 3, 2018, 12:28 pm
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I have two Maine Coon cats.
I refuse to clean up for guests who have allergies - not because
I don't care, but because there is NO WAY I can comfortably
guarantee that my home will be fur and dander-free for whoever
might be visiting.
That being said, if I had a guest who was fearful of cats come
over for a few hours, I'd have no issue locking the kitties away
for that period of time. The truth is, they'd get to be in the
master bedroom, with access to their litter box and any creature
comforts they could want - they'd probably love having the bed
to themselves.
I think that if OP's (or the person OP is writing about, rather)
SIL is taking her dogs to other people's houses and expecting OP
to just suck it up and "go back to therapy," the SIL is waaaaay
out of line. If Fiancé is the only member of the family on OP's
side, then the whole whopping clan has major issues. If all of
this is occurring in SIL's house, then I still think it's way
out of line to promise someone that you'll lock your dogs away
for a visit and then spring them on that terrified person
for....what? Your own sick amusement? I still am not sure what
SIL's ultimate goal is, but I think Fiance and OP need to play a
good game of Avoidance from now on.
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