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#Post#: 7638--------------------------------------------------
Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Kiwipinball
Date: July 2, 2018, 10:28 pm
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This is more of a hypothetical situation, but I thought it could
make for an interesting discussion. I was listening to a recent
episode of Dear Prudence and there was a letter from someone who
is terrified of dogs (with good reason - apparently her
step-father set his dogs on her as a child and she still has
physical scars). Her fiance's sister refuses to lock her dogs up
and has surprised the letter writer with them (I had the
impression at other family's houses, but I'm not 100% sure). The
last time, LW had a panic attack and was crying in the bathroom
and the sister made some comment about her needing to go back to
therapy (therapy has helped make her fear less crippling) and be
normal or something like that.
So clearly what the sister did was heinous (good news is fiance
100% supports LW). That's not okay. But Prudie and the co-host
made some comments that the sister should have locked the dog
up. And I wouldn't necessarily be willing to do that. I would
never pretend I was going to and then not or anything like that,
but if someone was afraid of/uncomfortable around/allergic to
dogs, I'd just rather meet with them elsewhere (their place,
public place, other family - although that wouldn't help any in
my family). I'd be more willing to do so if I was insisting on
hosting for some big holiday (so it would be awkward for the
person to not come) but otherwise, I really don't like to lock
my dog up. It's her home too.
I was just curious about other people's thoughts on this. I'm a
pretty hard-core dog person (without going so far as to believe
that my dog is welcome anywhere) and my dog is 100% part of my
family. But I know others are not as into dogs (or other pets).
Is it super ungracious to just prefer to not host people who
would need animals restrained? Just curious about others'
thoughts and feelings.
#Post#: 7642--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: JeanFromBNA
Date: July 2, 2018, 11:02 pm
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I think that it depends on the length of the visit. I could
lock my cats up for an hour or so, and, minus the
meow-meow-meow-meow-meow on repeat behind the closed door, it
wouldn't bother me nor them, too much. We have to do this
occasionally with one of the office cats, who is way too bossy.
She doesn't like it, but she gets over it after throwing some
shade my way, and getting a cookie.
If the woman in the letter has that much anxiety, she probably
shouldn't visit sister-in-law until she's gotten further in her
therapy. It would be better for everyone. If they show up to
IL and dogs are there, or show up too, the no-dog couple can
excuse themselves and come over another time. If SIL pulls
another jerk move like deliberately surprising her with the dogs
at the ILs, Fiance should call SIL out on it then and there.
Caveat: She cannot be "surprised" to find the dogs at their own
home. They live there. She has to be responsible for her own
health. It kind of reminds me of all of the questions that
we've had about people allergic to foods. It's not reasonable
to expect that everyone you visit keep a peanut-free kitchen,
especially when you know that they love peanut butter cups.
#Post#: 7645--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: lakey
Date: July 2, 2018, 11:50 pm
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I'm a dog lover. I have a dog that I frankly treat like a
substitute child. If someone who is terrified of dogs comes
over, I would put my dog in my bedroom for a visit of a couple
of hours. If the length of the visit would mean the dog having
to be cooped up for an amount of time that was a problem, then I
would suggest getting together somewhere else.
#Post#: 7648--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: HenrysMom
Date: July 3, 2018, 2:06 am
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I love my dog dearly and try to take him anywhere I’m allowed,
but if I’m going somewhere and he’s not allowed or if it would
cause someone problems, then there’s a whole industry of dog
sitters/daycares I can utilize. I certainly wouldn’t force him
upon someone who I know has a problem with dogs in general or
him in particular.
I read that fiance supports the letter writer, but if he hasn’t
already, he really needs to take his sister to task about the
disrespect being shown to his fiancée. Since the sister has
shown she doesn’t respect the LW’s fears, the couple need to not
be anywhere she or her dogs happen to be.
#Post#: 7654--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: SioCat
Date: July 3, 2018, 8:04 am
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In my own home, I'm not ever, for anyone, locking my cats or dog
up. I wouldn't bring my dog somewhere that he wasn't welcome and
I don't take him in public. He does come to my parents house
with me though. If someone had a problem with that, then they
can miss out on whatever we're doing at my parents house.
#Post#: 7656--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: July 3, 2018, 8:34 am
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I have 2 cats and a dog that are very much a part of our family.
They are also spoiled terribly by our extended family and many
of our friends.
However, if I had guests coming who are allergic or afraid of
either my dog or my cats, then yes, I do have places within my
home where my animals can be contained safely and comfortably
while my guest is present. I wouldn't do it for an overnight
visit, but for 2 or 3 hours, I don't see that as being
inconsiderate to the animal. Shoot, all 3 of them often go down
for a 3 hour nap during the middle of the day.
I don't see it as cruel to the animal or "banishing" him from
his home. If we were having an adult dinner party, I wasn't
allowing my kids to be sitting at the table or running around
the family room. They were eating their dinner earlier and
spending most of their evening upstairs playing or doing other
things for 2 or 3 hours. If I have a "girls afternoon" by the
pool, my husband isn't out there hanging around with us. If my
son was having a bunch of friends over when the kids were
little, I wasn't allowing my daughter to plob down in the middle
of their activities and turn on Little Mermaid.
To accomodate the needs of the family, I do not believe all
family members (including pets) need to have full access to all
areas of the home at all times.
OP, let's say you had a roommate or SO. He or she had a friend
coming over who was deathly afraid of dogs and asked you to keep
your dog in your room for an hour. Would you tell your roommate
or SO that they could not have this friend over because you are
unwilling to let your dog take an hour nap in your room?
#Post#: 7659--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Twik
Date: July 3, 2018, 8:37 am
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This strikes me as such a no-brainer. When I was a child, my
mother had two friends who were seriously afraid of cats. So
when they came over, the cat was put in a separate room for a
couple of hours, with food, water and a litterbox. The cat
weathered it with no trauma.
Now, if she were planning on staying for days, I could see an
issue. But if it's a matter of simply keeping the dogs out of
the same room as the letter writer, it seems a minor point. If
the sister won't, I hope she doesn't complain that she sees less
of her brother.
#Post#: 7662--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: RubyCat
Date: July 3, 2018, 9:17 am
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--- Quote from: Twik link ---
>
> This strikes me as such a no-brainer. When I was a child, my
mother had two friends who were seriously afraid of cats. So
when they came over, the cat was put in a separate room for a
couple of hours, with food, water and a litterbox. The cat
weathered it with no trauma.
>
> Now, if she were planning on staying for days, I could see an
issue. But if it's a matter of simply keeping the dogs out of
the same room as the letter writer, it seems a minor point. If
the sister won't, I hope she doesn't complain that she sees less
of her brother.
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree. My sister-in-law is allergic to dogs. When she would
come to visit, we'd put the dog in a bedroom and clean like
crazy. The dog also got put in the bedroom when we held our
yearly cookout. There were too many people coming and going and
too much risk she'd get out. I'm sure she was disappointed at
the missed opportunity to gobble up any and all dropped food but
she was otherwise ok.
However, I would not have been willing to lock up the dog for
even an overnight visit. That's too much.
Letting a dog loose in the presence of somebody who is afraid of
them is simply cruel. Either lock up the dog or tell the person
that you're unable to accommodate them.
#Post#: 7664--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Kiwipinball
Date: July 3, 2018, 9:28 am
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--- Quote from: Hmmm link ---
>
>
> I don't see it as cruel to the animal or "banishing" him from
his home. If we were having an adult dinner party, I wasn't
allowing my kids to be sitting at the table or running around
the family room. They were eating their dinner earlier and
spending most of their evening upstairs playing or doing other
things for 2 or 3 hours. If I have a "girls afternoon" by the
pool, my husband isn't out there hanging around with us. If my
son was having a bunch of friends over when the kids were
little, I wasn't allowing my daughter to plob down in the middle
of their activities and turn on Little Mermaid.
>
> To accomodate the needs of the family, I do not believe all
family members (including pets) need to have full access to all
areas of the home at all times.
>
> OP, let's say you had a roommate or SO. He or she had a friend
coming over who was deathly afraid of dogs and asked you to keep
your dog in your room for an hour. Would you tell your roommate
or SO that they could not have this friend over because you are
unwilling to let your dog take an hour nap in your room?
>
--- End Quote ---
If I'd be with my dog in the room, I'd have no problem with that
(e.g. roommate's friend). If I was expected to socialize with
the friend so that my dog would be alone? I wouldn't be happy
about that. Because my dog would not take an hour nap. She'd be
distressed the entire time. If given the choice, she might go
sleep in my room instead of socializing, but if she was closed
in my room she'd be distressed for a while at least. I see your
point about other sorts of activities where not 100% of the
family is welcome and it is a good analogy. I do think there's a
difference when the family member who's being separated (or
however we need to phrase that) can understand why they're
separated.
#Post#: 7665--------------------------------------------------
Re: Dogs (or other pets) vs. guests
DIR By: Kiwipinball
Date: July 3, 2018, 9:30 am
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--- Quote from: HenrysMom link ---
>
>
>
> I read that fiance supports the letter writer, but if he
hasn’t already, he really needs to take his sister to task about
the disrespect being shown to his fiancée. Since the sister has
shown she doesn’t respect the LW’s fears, the couple need to not
be anywhere she or her dogs happen to be.
>
--- End Quote ---
Yes, he did and has stated that he won't go anywhere if that
sister is also going (that's why I interpreted it as surprising
them with the dog at someone else's house). LW was feeling badly
about causing a rift, but Prudence rightly pointed out it's not
even close to her fault.
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