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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 7519--------------------------------------------------
Re: Romantic blast from the past - what to do?
DIR By: RubyCat
Date: July 2, 2018, 9:52 am
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I see calling somebody at 1:30 in the morning as a red flag.
It's incredibly thoughtless and does not make me think highly of
him. I think I'd ignore the call if he does follow through. If
he left message that included a groveling apology for disturbing
you at that hour, I might call back. Nah, the more I think of
it, I'd just let the phone ring and not answer. Life is too
short to get caught up in all that.
#Post#: 7522--------------------------------------------------
Re: Romantic blast from the past - what to do?
DIR By: Wanaca
Date: July 2, 2018, 10:12 am
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Definitely C. Especially since he called at 1:30 am. Ghosting
shows a lack of maturity and respect. Calling at 1:30 am for a
non-emergency shows a lack of maturity and respect. Nothing has
changed enough for me to waste my time.
#Post#: 7523--------------------------------------------------
Re: Romantic blast from the past - what to do?
DIR By: Thitpualso
Date: July 2, 2018, 10:22 am
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If someone calls you up out of the blue after 15 years, he wants
something and reconciliation probably isn’t it. Unless he lives
on the other side of the globe the time of the call alone would
be a red flag.
It wouldn’t matter how curious I was, I wouldn’t answer.
Already, he’s brought back unhappy memories and you don’t need
more mishegoss.
#Post#: 7525--------------------------------------------------
Re: Romantic blast from the past - what to do?
DIR By: HenrysMom
Date: July 2, 2018, 10:31 am
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Well, it has been 15 years - maybe he’s matured and now wants to
apologize for ghosting you. Yeah, right.
I have to admit I’d be curious as to what he wants after all
this time, so I’d take the call without any expectations or
intent. But if the thought of talking/listening to him is
uncomfortable, don’t.
#Post#: 7533--------------------------------------------------
Re: Romantic blast from the past - what to do?
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: July 2, 2018, 11:00 am
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My first question to you would be, how ya doing after those 15
years? I have zero feelings (and little thoughts) of the man who
broke my heart 15 years ago. If I spoke with him (and I actually
have since then), it would have no effect. I do not even have an
interest in rekindling a friendship with him. I likely wouldn't
take his call (there are other things that I would rather do),
but if I did, there's nothing that he could say that would hurt
me. Any insults would be met with laughter and an end to the
conversation and any apologies would be met with an apathetic
thanks (at least internally, I mean, good to anyone trying to
fix their ways) and a well wish for him. I guess what I am
saying is it would be a "no harm, no foul" situation to me...
which is the only way that I would even suggest that you take
the call.
Now, my more previous ex-boyfriend who broke my heart (we are
going on more like four years now); I am almost to the same
point with him, but he still angers me. He did attempt to
contact me two years back (and I was not ready then.) I choose
to ignore the texts, the emails, the Facebook messages, the
Facebook friend request from his mom (I wish I was joking), the
Facebook message from who I believe is his now wife (and I am
still not joking.) The messages all just said that he needed to
get in touch with me, I could not think of a reason that I
needed to get in touch with him and if it was important, he
should have left more information. The FB messages, I did not
initially read, because they get marked as read and I was not
interested him knowing that I did so. But I accidentally hit
"Mark All As Read" one day and figured that I might as well read
the messages. They were insults, so it just confirmed that I
made the right decision. I cannot open the message from the
wife/girlfriend/??? without accepting the message, but I did
manage to see a preview of the beginning and it didn't sound
good... I am not even sure it was her who sent it. Either way,
ignoring has been the right decision for me.
If I was in your shoes, what would I have to gain from accepting
his call? What do I risk harming? I would weigh the options and
do what's best for YOU!
#Post#: 7535--------------------------------------------------
Re: Romantic blast from the past - what to do?
DIR By: Jem
Date: July 2, 2018, 11:18 am
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OP, are you in a relationship? If yes, I would ignore this. Not
because people cannot be friends with exes, but because THIS ex
is not your friend. At least he hasn’t been for the past 15
years.
I also am not sure where the OP is emotionally here. If there is
still heartbreak and hope for reconciliation, I would tread very
carefully. If the OP is merely curious about how the ex has
been, still tread carefully because the ex may not be stable
himself. Why borrow drama?
I don’t think it bodes well that an adult called you in the
middle of the night to say he would call you the next day. If
you want to welcome him back into your life, go ahead! But don’t
expect that the ex will provide you with the emotional support
or closure or future or ____ you might want.
#Post#: 7536--------------------------------------------------
Re: Romantic blast from the past - what to do?
DIR By: wonderfullyanonymous
Date: July 2, 2018, 11:23 am
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My curiosity would get the better of me, and I'd go with B.
However, keep in mind that you don't need him in your life.
Him: Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry for what
happened between us. Blah blah blah, so how have you been?
You: Well, it did take a while, but I over came my feelings for
you (even if you didn't), and I'm doing good. So why did you
call me at 1:30 in the morning?
Him:Well, I was just thinking about you, (more blah blah blah).
Would you like to go out and catch up?
You: Ha ha ha ha...NO!
That may not be what he wants, there may be a more in depth
reason, but just be prepared.
#Post#: 7539--------------------------------------------------
Re: Romantic blast from the past - what to do?
DIR By: lakey
Date: July 2, 2018, 11:34 am
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1. A reasonably decent person DOES NOT call you at 1:30 in the
morning.
2. Was he drunk?
3. Is he thinking about cheating on someone?
He sounds to me like the kind of person you want nothing to do
with. If he was seriously thinking about reconnecting with you,
why didn't he wait until the next day, like a normal person.
#Post#: 7540--------------------------------------------------
Re: Romantic blast from the past - what to do?
DIR By: lakey
Date: July 2, 2018, 11:37 am
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in fairness, I have to admit. When I was younger I dated a guy
who would call in the middle of the night. He turned out to be a
serious drunk and a cheat. So my above response is biased.
#Post#: 7542--------------------------------------------------
Re: Romantic blast from the past - what to do?
DIR By: Jem
Date: July 2, 2018, 11:44 am
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--- Quote from: lakey link ---
>
> in fairness, I have to admit. When I was younger I dated a guy
who would call in the middle of the night. He turned out to be a
serious drunk and a cheat. So my above response is biased.
>
--- End Quote ---
Either way, after 15 years there is no “time is of the essence”
factor that would excuse a 1:30 am phone call. It comes across
as though the ex was: 1) drunk, 2) felt that night at that time
was his only opportunity to cheat, or 3) worried that he would
lose his nerve during the day. Do you really want to be a part
of that, OP? I would ignore unless curiosity wins over reason
(which I am not judging if it does - just warning to be careful
if your heart is involved even a little).
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