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#Post#: 7123--------------------------------------------------
Question about how to address extreme religion (also regarding c
hildren)
By: IceBear Date: June 28, 2018, 11:39 am
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I never would have dreamed of asking this on the previous board
because I'm sure it would have gotten locked almost immediately.
Here goes nothing!
I have a family member who is very religious, and has basically
created their own church because they disagreed with the other
churches out there. Which is fine. I have no issues with faith
and I respect those who have it. We even ask her to say grace at
family meals.
The issue is this: She believes that God actually talks to her
and when she prays on something, the decision she makes at the
end of that process is literally the word of God. God told her
to do whatever she decided to do. For example, I am allergic to
the scent of all essential oils. She insists they are integral
to her health, and knows I'm allergic. For Christmas, she gave
me a gift of essential oils because "I prayed and God said it
would be ok and that you wouldn't be allergic to these ones.".
Keeping in mind that I had an allergic reaction to the oils she
wore to another gathering just weeks prior. (Coughing, nose
plugging, headache)
First issue: Is there any way to indicate to her that I don't
believe God actually talks to her without being incredibly rude?
Second issue: This person is sometimes at family gatherings
where some of our friends with young children are present. I
really don't want them getting the idea that deifying your own
thoughts is something everyone believes in, which is what I
think happens if nobody says anything. Is there anything I can
say at the time, or should I talk to the child before or after?
#Post#: 7136--------------------------------------------------
Re: Question about how to address extreme religion (also regardi
ng children)
By: Hanna Date: June 28, 2018, 12:35 pm
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That sounds like mental illness. (Are we allowed to say that
here?)
#Post#: 7142--------------------------------------------------
Re: Question about how to address extreme religion (also regardi
ng children)
By: baritone108 Date: June 28, 2018, 1:01 pm
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You should let the parents of the young children address it with
the child. Maybe you could privately say something to the
friend before they encounter your relative indicating you don't
share this belief.
#Post#: 7144--------------------------------------------------
Re: Question about how to address extreme religion (also regardi
ng children)
By: IceBear Date: June 28, 2018, 1:15 pm
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[quote author=Hanna link=topic=431.msg7136#msg7136
date=1530207331]
That sounds like mental illness. (Are we allowed to say that
here?)
[/quote]
Problem is, her husband also believes God talks to him that way
too, and they can find enough like minded people...
#Post#: 7145--------------------------------------------------
Re: Question about how to address extreme religion (also regardi
ng children)
By: GardenGal Date: June 28, 2018, 1:21 pm
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I'd ignore her as much as possible, and I'd let the parents of
any children she talks to handle the situation in their own way.
Don't put yourself in the middle of a potential mess. It
doesn't sound like there is any point in you talking to her, so
I wouldn't bother.
#Post#: 7174--------------------------------------------------
Re: Question about how to address extreme religion (also regardi
ng children)
By: bridalviolet Date: June 28, 2018, 4:13 pm
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I agree on the mental illness. My mother has schizophrenia and
the belief that God is talking directly to her is one of her
symptoms when she's at her worst. Has this relative any previous
history of mental illness?
#Post#: 7180--------------------------------------------------
Re: Question about how to address extreme religion (also regardi
ng children)
By: TootsNYC Date: June 28, 2018, 4:49 pm
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I don't think there's anything you can do in either instance
that will be effective.
She doesn't care what you think about her beliefs.
And those kids will figure it out more clearly than you think.
Once they get home, I'm sure their parents are having
conversations in the kitchen about this lady, and that will
shape their views far more than anything you can say.
#Post#: 7191--------------------------------------------------
Re: Question about how to address extreme religion (also regardi
ng children)
By: lakey Date: June 28, 2018, 5:48 pm
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I think this is one of those " you can't change the other
person, you can only change your reaction to them" situations.
If I were having a cookout, or whatever, at my home and she were
a guest, I might think a bit about the other guests. If some
might have a problem with her beliefs, or might have children
who would be confused by her beliefs, I would warn them ahead of
time, so they aren't caught off guard. People take their
religious views very seriously. If I thought there were guests
who might get into arguments with her, I would make a decision
about whether to invite her or the other guest. If you know
people who are sarcastic, it might not be a good idea to invite
both her and the sarcastic person to the same event.
I once knew a woman who had it all figured out that the end of
the world was going to be on a specific date. When she started
up, most people just kept quiet and ignored her. Most people can
handle it when others hold views that are far off from their
own.
#Post#: 7192--------------------------------------------------
Re: Question about how to address extreme religion (also regardi
ng children)
By: nuku Date: June 28, 2018, 5:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I've had relatives (sadly, passed now) who had some non-standard
ideas about things. Trust me, the kids will figure out pretty
quickly that she has a unique view of the world.
My mother worked for a religious publishing house, and I would
not necessarily say that she's manifesting mental illness, but
that her personality type and her religious
upbringing/tendencies are affecting her behavior and worldview.
(I was raised Roman Catholic - transubstantiation sounds pretty
wacky to people when they first learn about it, but that doesn't
mean all RCs are mentally ill.)
To be honest, though, if she started telling me that God told
her things that I knew were untrue (like that my allergies
didn't exist), I'd be tempted to counter that God told me the
opposite.
#Post#: 7199--------------------------------------------------
Re: Question about how to address extreme religion (also regardi
ng children)
By: Tea Drinker Date: June 28, 2018, 7:14 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=IceBear link=topic=431.msg7123#msg7123
date=1530203964]
I never would have dreamed of asking this on the previous board
because I'm sure it would have gotten locked almost immediately.
Here goes nothing!
I have a family member who is very religious, and has basically
created their own church because they disagreed with the other
churches out there. Which is fine. I have no issues with faith
and I respect those who have it. We even ask her to say grace at
family meals.
The issue is this: She believes that God actually talks to her
and when she prays on something, the decision she makes at the
end of that process is literally the word of God. God told her
to do whatever she decided to do. For example, I am allergic to
the scent of all essential oils. She insists they are integral
to her health, and knows I'm allergic. For Christmas, she gave
me a gift of essential oils because "I prayed and God said it
would be ok and that you wouldn't be allergic to these ones.".
Keeping in mind that I had an allergic reaction to the oils she
wore to another gathering just weeks prior. (Coughing, nose
plugging, headache)
First issue: Is there any way to indicate to her that I don't
believe God actually talks to her without being incredibly rude?
Second issue: This person is sometimes at family gatherings
where some of our friends with young children are present. I
really don't want them getting the idea that deifying your own
thoughts is something everyone believes in, which is what I
think happens if nobody says anything. Is there anything I can
say at the time, or should I talk to the child before or after?
[/quote]
I don't think it's rude to say something like "I am still
allergic to those things. It seems more likely that you
misunderstood the message, than that God deliberately told you
to do something that would hurt someone you care about."
Or, from another angle--it's not "retaliatory rudeness" to
disagree when someone denies what you say about your own life,
even if they try to hang that statement on an authority.
For what it's worth: I'm not at all religious. However, (1) it
seems pretty clear to me that religions disagree enough that
their leaders can't all be getting the correct word of God, and
(2) any entity that would deliberately lie to someone to make
her hurt people would not be worthy of worship.
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