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#Post#: 6930--------------------------------------------------
Appropriate Hosting Gift?
DIR By: daen
Date: June 27, 2018, 7:21 am
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In a few weeks, I'm going to be doing a two-week training thing
at a city that's just far enough away that commuting during the
week doesn't make sense. I'm making arrangements with a college
friend to stay with her and her husband during those two weeks.
I'm running into a dilemma, in that I don't know how much of a
hosting gift is appropriate. On the one hand, I'm going to be
there for two weeks, and they're saving me a good bit in
commuting costs and time, not to mention accommodation costs. On
the other hand, I expect to be keeping to myself a good chunk of
the time, providing most of my own food (their preferred diet
and mine don't have a whole lot of overlap), and generally being
a considerate and low-impact guest.
If it were just my friend to consider, I'd get her some crafting
supplies; since her husband is also my host, it seems ungracious
not to include him, but I don't know him well enough to have an
idea of what to get.
At this point, I'm thinking a gift basket of tea or coffee,
possibly chocolate or cheese, based on what I observe while I'm
there. Any other thoughts or suggestions? Also, if you'd give a
gift card, for what, and how much?
#Post#: 6938--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate Hosting Gift?
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: June 27, 2018, 8:16 am
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I would take a box of chocolates or flowers for when you arrive.
I'd take them to dinner at least once. And then I'd send another
gift after I left. Maybe for the after gift I would do the
crafting for her and then something for him you think he'd
enjoy.
#Post#: 6996--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate Hosting Gift?
DIR By: GardenGal
Date: June 27, 2018, 12:23 pm
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I think you're right on with the gift basket idea - maybe you
could bring a basket with you and while you're there fill it
with stuff similar to what they seem to enjoy, plus maybe a gift
certificate to a local restaurant or specialty store. I'd give
it to them on the last day and then send a lovely card when I
got home. ITA with Hmmm:
--- Quote ---
> would take a box of chocolates or flowers for when you arrive.
I'd take them to dinner at least once.
--- End Quote ---
#Post#: 7031--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate Hosting Gift?
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: June 27, 2018, 4:35 pm
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Flowers when you arrive is nice. If you give a gift card, how
about for the movie theater if they enjoy going out for that
activity.
#Post#: 7035--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate Hosting Gift?
DIR By: jpcher
Date: June 27, 2018, 4:53 pm
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I wouldn't do a gift card. That seems impersonal and sort of
like payment for your stay (but that's just me).
I like Hmmm's suggestion of bringing something right off the
bat, but then I'd go with the flow. I know you said low-impact
guest, but it may be that they would feel obligated to entertain
you because they are the hosts and that's their job. If they
suggest a movie or some such entertainment then offer to treat
them to either the movie tickets or the popcorn and whatnot or
both. If they want to go out to dinner with you either pay for
the entire meal or insist on paying for your portion. Maybe ask
them if they would like to go to a local site-seeing place and
pay for that.
You get the picture. Get the feel from them and treat them
whenever you can without going overboard. ;) I kinda think this
would be gift enough.
After the visit I think a very heartfelt thank you note would be
called for.
#Post#: 7050--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate Hosting Gift?
DIR By: daen
Date: June 27, 2018, 8:24 pm
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Good food for thought, here. I had some of the same hesitation
as jpcher regarding gift cards - it just seems so much more
transactional when an obvious amount of money is attached.
You're all suggesting more than I considered, but that's good.
In my circle, hosting gifts often seem so low-key as to be
mostly invisible - bringing along the main components for a meal
or few, especially if the ingredients or the meal itself are
your (local) specialty. But as I mentioned, there's not a lot of
overlap between our preferred diets, so a shared meal is a
bit... complicated. And to add to the complication, I married my
college friend's cousin, so that throws some "oh, but family
just does this for each other" dynamic into the mix.
Oooh. Just thought of some local specialties that would actually
work quite well in this situation. ;D
#Post#: 7059--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate Hosting Gift?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: June 27, 2018, 10:52 pm
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The "food specialty from my home locale" is a host gift for my
circles as well.
I did want to say: the gift does not need to be something YOU
would eat. In fact, I would say it's best if it's not. (Now, if
you're a vegan, you probably won't want to purchase meat
products; but if you can't eat gluten, you can totally bring
them fancy bread; it's not for you.)
#Post#: 7097--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate Hosting Gift?
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: June 28, 2018, 8:30 am
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--- Quote from: daen link ---
>
> Good food for thought, here. I had some of the same hesitation
as jpcher regarding gift cards - it just seems so much more
transactional when an obvious amount of money is attached.
>
> You're all suggesting more than I considered, but that's good.
In my circle, hosting gifts often seem so low-key as to be
mostly invisible - bringing along the main components for a meal
or few, especially if the ingredients or the meal itself are
your (local) specialty. But as I mentioned, there's not a lot of
overlap between our preferred diets, so a shared meal is a
bit... complicated. And to add to the complication, I married my
college friend's cousin, so that throws some "oh, but family
just does this for each other" dynamic into the mix.
>
> Oooh. Just thought of some local specialties that would
actually work quite well in this situation. ;D
>
--- End Quote ---
A box of chocolates or flowers in my world would be sufficient
for an overnight stay. But for 2 weeks I would feel the need to
do more. Even I ate no meals at their house, left before sunrise
and didn't return until late evening, I'd still be a guest in
their home for 2 weeks. As the host of that guest I would still
feel obligated to "touch base" with you (how was your day, do
you think you'll still be home around 9 tonight, is the fan
enough in your room, does your bath need anything, I'm going to
the store can I pick anything up for you, by the way we'll be
out till after 10 tonight) so though you may not ask them to do
a single thing other than give you a key to come and go, I'm
still having to do mental energy to accommodate a 2 week
houseguest.
So I do think some type of follow up thank you is appropriate.
#Post#: 7100--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate Hosting Gift?
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: June 28, 2018, 9:26 am
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--- Quote from: Hmmm link ---
>
> [quote author=daen link=topic=427.msg7050#msg7050
date=1530149093]
> Good food for thought, here. I had some of the same hesitation
as jpcher regarding gift cards - it just seems so much more
transactional when an obvious amount of money is attached.
>
> You're all suggesting more than I considered, but that's good.
In my circle, hosting gifts often seem so low-key as to be
mostly invisible - bringing along the main components for a meal
or few, especially if the ingredients or the meal itself are
your (local) specialty. But as I mentioned, there's not a lot of
overlap between our preferred diets, so a shared meal is a
bit... complicated. And to add to the complication, I married my
college friend's cousin, so that throws some "oh, but family
just does this for each other" dynamic into the mix.
>
> Oooh. Just thought of some local specialties that would
actually work quite well in this situation. ;D
>
--- End Quote ---
A box of chocolates or flowers in my world would be sufficient
for an overnight stay. But for 2 weeks I would feel the need to
do more. Even I ate no meals at their house, left before sunrise
and didn't return until late evening, I'd still be a guest in
their home for 2 weeks. As the host of that guest I would still
feel obligated to "touch base" with you (how was your day, do
you think you'll still be home around 9 tonight, is the fan
enough in your room, does your bath need anything, I'm going to
the store can I pick anything up for you, by the way we'll be
out till after 10 tonight) so though you may not ask them to do
a single thing other than give you a key to come and go, I'm
still having to do mental energy to accommodate a 2 week
houseguest.
So I do think some type of follow up thank you is appropriate.
[/quote]
I totally agree that this stay would be considered significant
in my book; for the very reasons mentioned here. This is why I
am a fan of the bring a "usual" host gift, offer to pay for a
meal or activity, and then follow-up with a thank you and gift
afterwards plan. I don't think the follow-up (or really any of
those elements) need to be out of budget, but I would focus on
being thoughtful. It is not about paying them back, but rather
to make sure that they know that you appreciate the favor.
#Post#: 7125--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate Hosting Gift?
DIR By: Belle
Date: June 28, 2018, 11:47 am
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Good suggestions above. If this is for work, check to see if
your employer will reimburse hosting gifts. I was shocked to
find that mine does (as we very cautious in travel spending).
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