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#Post#: 6834--------------------------------------------------
Re: Invited to the shower but not the wedding.
By: TootsNYC Date: June 26, 2018, 10:54 am
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[quote] Ideally, don't use the word "wedding" anywhere in the
invitation either. [/quote]
Actually, the formal etiquette says you can, and I think you
should.
You just need wording that indicates the ceremony is in the
past.
Traditional wording direct from the 19th edition of Emily Post's
Etiquette, for a private ceremony and larger reception:
Mr. and Mrs. X
request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding reception
for their daughter
Her FirstName
and
Mr. Groom Fullname
Friday, the twelfth of Never
two thousand eighteen
at seven o'clock
Venue Name
Venue Address
Town
Now, if the reception is much later, that's sort of weird
wording, perhaps.
Maybe "pleasure of your company at a reception to celebrate the
May 24 wedding of Bride and Groom"
You have to tell people what the purpose of the party is!
Guests are supposed to know whether they're obligated to give a
gift, etc., etc.
#Post#: 6866--------------------------------------------------
Re: Invited to the shower but not the wedding.
By: Despedina Date: June 26, 2018, 2:50 pm
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So some back and forth happened on the facebook posting and from
what I'm gathering the wedding is August 25 and this "shower" is
Aug 26th. My youngest sister texted me to confirm that we are
not invited to the wedding. She also said she didn't understand
why we're not since its at a public park with a huge parking
lot, but whatever. Right now I'm planning on declining.
#Post#: 6870--------------------------------------------------
Re: Invited to the shower but not the wedding.
By: Hmmm Date: June 26, 2018, 3:16 pm
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[quote author=Despedina link=topic=419.msg6866#msg6866
date=1530042610]
So some back and forth happened on the facebook posting and from
what I'm gathering the wedding is August 25 and this "shower" is
Aug 26th. My youngest sister texted me to confirm that we are
not invited to the wedding. She also said she didn't understand
why we're not since its at a public park with a huge parking
lot, but whatever. Right now I'm planning on declining.
[/quote]
Do they have the concept of a shower and a reception mixed up?
Maybe they don't know that it is perfectly acceptable to hold a
private ceremony and then invite people to a reception later
that day or another date.
#Post#: 6926--------------------------------------------------
Re: Invited to the shower but not the wedding.
By: LifeOnPluto Date: June 27, 2018, 6:05 am
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I don't know why they just don't call it a reception. Or a
"post-wedding party" or whatever.
But the word "shower" is loaded. It implies that gifts are
expected. And the cynic in me suggests that perhaps that is
Cousin's intention.
In my experience, the level of hospitality at a shower generally
isn't as high as a reception. In my experience, a shower may
involve cups of tea, finger food, perhaps a glass of wine, but
receptions normally have more food and drink, and often music,
DJs, etc. Again, the cynic in me thinks the HC don't want to go
to the effort of hosting a reception.
Also, who is actually hosting this shower? If it's the HC or any
member of their close family, that makes it even ruder.
#Post#: 6964--------------------------------------------------
Re: Invited to the shower but not the wedding.
By: Despedina Date: June 27, 2018, 10:16 am
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[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=419.msg6926#msg6926
date=1530097536]
Also, who is actually hosting this shower? If it's the HC or any
member of their close family, that makes it even ruder.
[/quote]
May aunt, the brides mother, is hosting the shower.
#Post#: 6978--------------------------------------------------
Re: Invited to the shower but not the wedding.
By: Hmmm Date: June 27, 2018, 11:18 am
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[quote author=Despedina link=topic=419.msg6964#msg6964
date=1530112567]
[quote author=LifeOnPluto link=topic=419.msg6926#msg6926
date=1530097536]
Also, who is actually hosting this shower? If it's the HC or any
member of their close family, that makes it even ruder.
[/quote]
May aunt, the brides mother, is hosting the shower.
[/quote]
Are they inviting all of the family members, or doing a "Ladies
Shower".
#Post#: 7018--------------------------------------------------
Re: Invited to the shower but not the wedding.
By: bopper Date: June 27, 2018, 2:55 pm
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I look at it like this: Showers are like social insurance. We
are thrown a shower to help the happy couple get started in
their new home. Over time, we go to other showers and help other
couples. But who throws those showers? Families and Friends of
the HC. But who should go to weddings? Families and Friends of
the HC. So I agree...if you are not part of the community that
would celebrate the marriage you shouldn't be put in the
community that helps the HC get started in life.
If you don't have the $$/desire for a big wedding, then it is
crass to have a big shower which is saying "I don't want to
spend money on you, but you can spend money on me". (Big doesn't
have to mean expensive).
#Post#: 7027--------------------------------------------------
Re: Invited to the shower but not the wedding.
By: Despedina Date: June 27, 2018, 3:52 pm
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I just looked at who is tagged in her address-getting post and
there are several men on there. Most are my brothers in law and
male cousins.
#Post#: 7410--------------------------------------------------
Re: Invited to the shower but not the wedding.
By: lakey Date: June 30, 2018, 6:08 pm
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[quote]If you don't have the $$/desire for a big wedding, then
it is crass to have a big shower which is saying "I don't want
to spend money on you, but you can spend money on me". (Big
doesn't have to mean expensive).
[/quote]
That is a good way to put it. However, sometimes they have a
small intimate wedding for reasons other than money.
Most of the people I've known who have very small weddings, do
so because they don't like being the center of attention, and
don't want to be in the middle of a big production. There's no
shower, for the same reason.
I had two nephews and a niece who got married in this way. I
gave all of them gifts because I am close to them, and wanted
to, not out of the sense of obligation that comes with a shower
invitation.
I do the same thing when someone has a baby. Most people in my
circle don't have baby showers, but I give a gift after the
birth because I want to.
#Post#: 7581--------------------------------------------------
Re: Invited to the shower but not the wedding.
By: Despedina Date: July 2, 2018, 2:37 pm
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So here's an unusual update - yesterday I was at my sister's and
we were discussing the "shower" and sis spoke up and was like
"oh I didn't tell you? I just found out this is her BABY
shower". Since cousin lives 2 states away we had no idea she was
expecting. So she's coming in town with her SO to get married,
then have a baby shower the next day. I don't know why my aunt
didn't share ANY of this at all in her post or mention the
pregnancy. Aunt posts a lot about things and is baby crazy so
its a little unusual for her. Just posts about cousins wedding
them asking for addresses for "the shower".
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