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#Post#: 6620--------------------------------------------------
"Getting Involved"
By: MrsG Date: June 24, 2018, 7:00 pm
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Just got back from vacation. While touring a museum at a state
park the Boyfriend (BF) and I had a non-meeting of the minds
moment and I'm curious to see what others might have done. This
location has two parking lots. The lot by the building was
already full so we parked over in the reserve lot which requires
walking about a block to the actual museum. As we are walking
across the parking lot this guy parked a bit down from us starts
yelling in French. Now, as I mentioned in another post, I speak
fairly rudimentary French but I know enough to know when
somebody is dressing down their kid with some not so nice words.
When I hear this guy say "odieux petit bâtard" I turn around and
see him try to hit the kid, who looked about 13 or 14, but he
missed and the kid took off running with the guy chasing him.
The mother and the daughter just stood there watching the guy
race after the kid bellowing in French. The BF is like, good,
somebody is disciplining their kid. We continue onward to the
Museum and I'm like, ah, discipline is one thing, calling the
kid an obnoxious little b*****d and trying to belt him one in
public is entirely something else. By this point we were almost
to the museum and the guy was still chasing the kid around the
parking lot. When we reached the Museum I told the security
person they needed to head out to the parking lot to make sure
the guy was not beating the kid in the parking lot. The BF was
then totally ticked that I reported the guy to somebody in
charge. (We were out in the middle of nowhere, it's not like DHS
reps were readily available.)
I am a mandated reporter. I feel I did what I was supposed to
do. I never saw the guy actually hit the kid but we all heard
him swear at him and saw him try to smack the kid. There were
others in the parking lot who looked shocked but you could tell
they couldn't understand what the guy was saying. I could up to
a point and it wasn't very nice. The kid had evidently broken
something in the rental car and the dad was furious. The kid had
mouthed off and we arrived to the end result. I sent somebody to
check on the kid and the father. The security guard thanked me
and went right outside as if he'd had to do it before, which I'm
sure he has. The BF, on the other hand, was ultimately furious
with me because I'd "gotten involved" on some level by turning
the guy in to security. I am all for appropriately disciplining
a child. I'm one of those barbarians who actually spanked my
children and they all grew up just fine - but I'm not an idiot.
I believe in setting boundaries, disciplining when needed and
choosing battles wisely. And yes, I believe over half the issues
we have with youth today are caused by the realities that
parents in the past thirty years stopped setting boundaries,
stopped disciplining their children and stopped parenting
entirely to be their child's friend BUT I'm certainly not going
to let somebody abuse a child just because I believe that
parents need to parent.
In the end, as we were leaving the museum, we saw the family
again and the security guard was talking to the father about "In
America it's not appropriate to try to hit your child in
public". Granted, it's not how I would have worded it but he was
getting the point across. Will it stop the guy in the future?
Probably not. But it was at least pointed out to him that his
behavior was not appropriate. What would you have done?
#Post#: 6626--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Getting Involved"
By: HenrysMom Date: June 24, 2018, 8:48 pm
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I would’ve reported it as well. You are a mandated reporter,
and, even if not on the job, that implies that you must do the
right thing to keep your integrity. Actually, mandated reporter
or not, it is the job of every person to report potential abuse,
and to let the authorities determine whether it is or isn’t.
Not only that, but I would imagine the facility doesn’t want
this kind of thing happening on their premises in full view of
the public. So, you informing the security guard was correct.
Once it was in his hands, it’s up to him to take it further
(calling CPS or the police).
Your BF is, I’m sorry to say, wrong. I have to question his
judgement and values if he gets angry for you acting in a manner
appropriate to your role as a mandated reporter. In fact, I
would go so far as to say that perhaps this is a make or break
situation.
#Post#: 6634--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Getting Involved"
By: Bada Date: June 24, 2018, 10:34 pm
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I think it was probably a good thing you mentioned it to the
guard. It is, however, a completely separate issue from your
work status as a "mandated reporter." I've actually researched
this issue in several states and it's just not true (in every
state I've looked at, and I'm willing to bet darn near all of
them) that your job turns you into a mandated reporter at all
times and in all places for eternity. Your status as a MR comes
from insider knowledge that you acquire as a teacher/mental
health worker/etc. You are required to report because you have
secret info that others in the general public might not have.
Here you had no private knowledge and, had you chosen to do
nothing, you would not have gotten in trouble with your job or
the law for failing your duties as a MR (again, I have
researched several states though not all. But I'd bet money on
it.)
#Post#: 6639--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Getting Involved"
By: MrsG Date: June 25, 2018, 1:55 am
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[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=413.msg6626#msg6626
date=1529891318]
I would’ve reported it as well. You are a mandated reporter,
and, even if not on the job, that implies that you must do the
right thing to keep your integrity. Actually, mandated reporter
or not, it is the job of every person to report potential abuse,
and to let the authorities determine whether it is or isn’t.
Not only that, but I would imagine the facility doesn’t want
this kind of thing happening on their premises in full view of
the public. So, you informing the security guard was correct.
Once it was in his hands, it’s up to him to take it further
(calling CPS or the police).
Your BF is, I’m sorry to say, wrong. I have to question his
judgement and values if he gets angry for you acting in a manner
appropriate to your role as a mandated reporter. In fact, I
would go so far as to say that perhaps this is a make or break
situation.
[/quote]
We're both well beyond ever having more children at this point
so to me it's not really a make or break type of situation. I
agree that he was wrong and believe me, we've been discussing it
off and on ever since. I took him all the way into the Kitty
Genovese (sp) case to make my point that the bystander effect is
never a good thing. May or may not change his mind but I'd do it
again whether he likes it or not. ;)
#Post#: 6640--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Getting Involved"
By: MrsG Date: June 25, 2018, 1:55 am
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[quote author=Bada link=topic=413.msg6634#msg6634
date=1529897647]
I think it was probably a good thing you mentioned it to the
guard. It is, however, a completely separate issue from your
work status as a "mandated reporter." I've actually researched
this issue in several states and it's just not true (in every
state I've looked at, and I'm willing to bet darn near all of
them) that your job turns you into a mandated reporter at all
times and in all places for eternity. Your status as a MR comes
from insider knowledge that you acquire as a teacher/mental
health worker/etc. You are required to report because you have
secret info that others in the general public might not have.
Here you had no private knowledge and, had you chosen to do
nothing, you would not have gotten in trouble with your job or
the law for failing your duties as a MR (again, I have
researched several states though not all. But I'd bet money on
it.)
[/quote]
Honestly? To me it's ethical more than legal technicality.
#Post#: 6644--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Getting Involved"
By: Kiwipinball Date: June 25, 2018, 7:22 am
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I would have been relieved to have a security guard to report it
to. I would have felt bad doing nothing, but wouldn't really
feel comfortable getting directly involved (trying to intervene
myself). So much better to have someone in some authority role
to say something. I absolutely would have done the same thing.
#Post#: 6650--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Getting Involved"
By: dani321 Date: June 25, 2018, 8:26 am
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I'm all for staying out of other people's business, but I
disagree with your BF and think you were in the right to report
the family to the security guard. Whether you were legally
obligated as a mandated reporter or not, I understand feeling
like you needed to do something. You were right not to engage
the angry man directly, and I could see your BF getting upset if
you had said something directly to him or his family, but
reporting him was fairly passive, and sounds like it was the
best solution available to you.
#Post#: 6653--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Getting Involved"
By: Hmmm Date: June 25, 2018, 8:51 am
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You didn't try to intervene personally. You didn't make wild
accusations to the security officer. You didn't get out your
phone and begin to live stream the encounter with accusations of
child abuse.
You saw something of concern and reported it to someone who
could check out the situation and determine if any other action
was needed. Would your BF had walked on by if he'd seen what
looked like someone breaking into a car just because they
"might" be the owner?
Personally, the fact that your BF got furious with you about
this would cause me to do some serious reflections on other
areas of his behavior to see if there was a pattern of him
dismissing your opinions or trying to control your behaviors and
actions.
#Post#: 6656--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Getting Involved"
By: DaDancingPsych Date: June 25, 2018, 9:10 am
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I think your reaction was appropriate. You saw something that
looked out of place and provided that information to the
security guard. Worst case scenario, the father was actually
playing with the son (which was so obviously not the case) and
the police were called. They would have quickly determined this
and that's where it would have ended. I am not a parent, but I
would rather someone be overly cautious when it comes to my
(non-existent) children and I have to deal with a security guard
or police officer rather than my children be harmed by an adult.
#Post#: 6661--------------------------------------------------
Re: "Getting Involved"
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: June 25, 2018, 9:41 am
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Another way to look at the situation is, what if the child in an
effort to get away ran out right in front of a car? This is not
just a case of potential physical abuse, but potential hazard to
other people in the parking lot.
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