DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 6267--------------------------------------------------
How to handle my crazy landlord who currently lives with me:
update pg 4
DIR By: kittyfan43
Date: June 20, 2018, 11:48 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Dear Readers
I am pretty fed up with my landlord. If I have to fight with him
I certainly have enough legal ammunition. I've checked and he
screws up in provable ways and has been sued many times by other
former tenants. I have also spoken to housing specialists in my
area and will continue to consult them so that is not what I am
interested in here right now. I've got it covered.
What I need help with is how do I manage to live with this
person for 2 or more months with him without things getting ugly
while I still live here?
Here is some of the behavior that has been irritating me and the
other roommates: Going on racist rants, trying to convert me to
his religion, trying to play technical word play arguments with
the other tenants that being homosexual is a choice.
I work with inner city kids who are primarily children of color
and one of the roommates has a close relative who is gay and
suffered a lot while growing up because of it.
Today he offered to pick me up from work and was an hour late
doing it and then took me on an impromptu trip around the area
for another hour. The ride home should have taken 20 minutes
max. He has offered to call a few people he once knew as kids to
help me find a waitressing job. (I need something for the summer
while I search for work as a newly licensed school teacher.)
I want to move out but my car has a very expensive repair bill
and I am currently looking for work. Getting out of here isn't
going to happen quickly even though this boor is driving people
crazy. (Whenever he moves back into his rental house all of his
tenants move out and he still can't make a connection as to why
that is.)
He is a very oblivious know it all type person and I am certain
that he has been fired from jobs for the way he talks. He
genuinely likes me and probably thinks that he is friends with
all of his current tenants. -He has said so in the past even
about tenants who actually hated him and are currently suing
him. He also admits that some people just don't like him and he
doesn't know why. He also admitted that his neighbors have
called the cops on him and had him arrested (he didn't like the
way the sidewalk was being laid in so he just dug up huge
portions of the land where the sidewalk was supposed to go and
tried to dig under the newly laid sidewalk as well) and he
doesn't know why they don't like him either.
How do I handle him without killing him? I would also like extra
ideas as to what to say to him in the future to shut him down
when he is saying stuff like this. I need to end it quickly
before I want to strangle him. The relationship has to remain
civil and at least somewhat positive for the next few months.
On a potentially brighter note, he is living with us while he
sells his other home in a distant area of the country. He may or
may not move out after it sells and may move far far away where
I will rarely hear from him.
#Post#: 6275--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle my crazy landlord who currently lives with me
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: June 21, 2018, 7:45 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Your only recourse is to keep your distance and have minimal
contact until you move out. Don't except overs of rides and
don't discuss your job hunt. Stay busy and engaged in other
activities and in your room as much as possible when you do have
to be at home.
This man is not going to change so trying to shut him down and
keeping a civil relationship will be next to impossible.
#Post#: 6278--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle my crazy landlord who currently lives with me
DIR By: hjaye
Date: June 21, 2018, 8:23 am
---------------------------------------------------------
As far as the issue with Gay being a choice, this is how I've
handled it with some of the people I know who have the same
viewpoint.
I tell them I find their thinking is interesting, and since it's
a choice, I ask them at what point in their life to they choose
to not follow their homosexual tendencies, and decide they would
be heterosexual. I say it without malice or rancor. The
reaction is usually some kind of sputtering and then a firm
declaration that they have never had any homosexual desires in
their life. The conversation usually ends within a few minutes
and I don't hear much more out of them after that.
#Post#: 6291--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle my crazy landlord who currently lives with me
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: June 21, 2018, 9:58 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Hmmm link ---
>
> Your only recourse is to keep your distance and have minimal
contact until you move out. Don't except overs of rides and
don't discuss your job hunt. Stay busy and engaged in other
activities and in your room as much as possible when you do have
to be at home.
>
> This man is not going to change so trying to shut him down and
keeping a civil relationship will be next to impossible.
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree. I would do my best to limit my contact and not count on
him to do anything for me.
When uncomfortable / unwanted conversations begin, I would
refuse to engage. I would suddenly need to do something else or
suddenly need to talk about something else. Are there pleasant
topics that you can stand having with him? For example, if he
loves his dog, truck, golf, whatever, I would use these as my
Get Out Of Jail Free cards. If I cannot escape him, then I would
switch the topic to something that I know that he enjoys (even
if it's a bore to you.)
And I think the key is for you to keep your cool. He may say
offensive things, but you don't need to respond and/or blow up.
Just remind yourself that this situation is temporary and focus
your anger towards your goal of getting out of there.
#Post#: 6292--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle my crazy landlord who currently lives with me
DIR By: Pattycake
Date: June 21, 2018, 10:18 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, my first reaction was the same - stay away from him
whenever possible, don't take rides from him, don't talk about
your job situation - deflect that and any other conversation you
don't want to have with him.
You said he's moved in with you? I hope you mean he's just in
another suite in the house!
#Post#: 6293--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle my crazy landlord who currently lives with me
DIR By: bopper
Date: June 21, 2018, 10:22 am
---------------------------------------------------------
1) Don't take his offers of "help". He is aware of the
phenomena that Ben Franklin noticed : a person who has already
performed a favor for another is more likely to do another favor
for the other than if they had received a favor from that
person. So he creating an obligation to him from you. He also
showed he had power over you by making you wait and not taking
you home.
2) Don't engage...be a "grey rock".
HTML https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/6158/gray-rock-method-dealing-narcissist/
Basically try to be the most boring person ever (boring as a
grey rock) and not engage.
3) "He genuinely likes me" ...i suspect he doesn't (not because
of you!) but because he can't be genuine..you may think he likes
you because he talks to you and offers help, but I will suppose
that he has some kind of personality disorder (Narcissist?) and
is using you to get attention. Narcissist are very good at
"mirroring".. "Oh you like the Beatles? I do too!"
4) Try to spend as little time at home as you can.
#Post#: 6294--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle my crazy landlord who currently lives with me
DIR By: bopper
Date: June 21, 2018, 10:23 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: bopper link ---
>
> 1) Don't take his offers of "help". He is aware of the
phenomena that Ben Franklin noticed : a person who has already
performed a favor for another is more likely to do another favor
for the other than if they had received a favor from that
person. So he creating an obligation to him from you. He also
showed he had power over you by making you wait and not taking
you home.
>
> 2) Don't engage...be a "grey rock".
HTML https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/6158/gray-rock-method-dealing-narcissist/
> Basically try to be the most boring person ever (boring as a
grey rock) and not engage. "Gay? Not really interested in
discussing that."
>
> 3) "He genuinely likes me" ...i suspect he doesn't (not
because of you!) but because he can't be genuine..you may think
he likes you because he talks to you and offers help, but I will
suppose that he has some kind of personality disorder
(Narcissist?) and is using you to get attention. Narcissist are
very good at "mirroring".. "Oh you like the Beatles? I do too!"
>
> 4) Try to spend as little time at home as you can.
>
--- End Quote ---
#Post#: 6305--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle my crazy landlord who currently lives with me
DIR By: JeanFromBNA
Date: June 21, 2018, 11:08 am
---------------------------------------------------------
You can't change other people; you can only change yourself.
With that in mind, I would:
1. Stay away as much as possible. Stay over a friend's house, or
with family, if you can.
2. If he has a key to your room, move anything important out
ASAP.
3. Don't accept anything from him - not even a glass of water.
Certainly not a job or a ride, and never accept ANY money. A
polite, but firm "No thank you," is all that's needed.
4. As others have said, don't engage. If he happens to catch you
unawares, the grey rock strategy is good, but make whatever
excuse you can to cut the conversation short and leave.
You're not going to change his perspective or his personality
with a witty comeback. But you can get through this and get away
from him by not being invested in his opinion or actions. Some
people are not worth your time and energy.
#Post#: 6308--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle my crazy landlord who currently lives with me
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: June 21, 2018, 11:25 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Remember that you don't -have- to respond to his nonsense; it
is smart to buffer yourself somehow.
Fade out, leave the room, etc.
I agree with others that you really can't make him change, and
you probably can't shut him down.
Disengage.
[img]
HTML https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/a45ff6a3-3e53-4d09-bc1c-953934e658e1/gif[/img]
HTML https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/a45ff6a3-3e53-4d09-bc1c-953934e658e1/gif
#Post#: 6323--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to handle my crazy landlord who currently lives with me
DIR By: Chez Miriam
Date: June 21, 2018, 1:40 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Echoing JeanFromBNA's advice to find somewhere else to store
your valuables. I have recently binge-watched a lot of Judge
Judy; once it's gone, it's gone.
Bopper's grey rock advice has stood me in good stead, and I have
recommended it to others since I read about it - so apologies to
you, bopper, for forgetting it was you that linked to it in the
first place.
*****************************************************
Page 1 of 7
DIR Next Page