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#Post#: 6408--------------------------------------------------
Re: Advice regarding next encounter with niece
By: bopper Date: June 21, 2018, 10:20 pm
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I would treat this is "help siblings clean out house" trip and
see what happens.
#Post#: 6460--------------------------------------------------
Re: Advice regarding next encounter with niece
By: Chez Miriam Date: June 22, 2018, 11:34 am
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[quote author=bopper link=topic=404.msg6408#msg6408
date=1529637640]
I would treat this is "help siblings clean out house" trip and
see what happens.
[/quote]
Yes; business not "pleasure". ;)
#Post#: 6493--------------------------------------------------
Re: Advice regarding next encounter with niece
By: viviennebzb Date: June 22, 2018, 3:31 pm
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I won't do the whole quote tree; however, I completely and
totally agree with the last few posts. You already have a full
plate on this trip with the house project. We really ask too
much of ourselves sometimes, spare yourself this unnecessary
complication. Take care of you.
#Post#: 6573--------------------------------------------------
Re: Advice regarding next encounter with niece
By: ncgal Date: June 23, 2018, 1:22 pm
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[quote author=GardenGal link=topic=404.msg6347#msg6347
date=1529612200]
She unfriended you, you never enjoyed visiting her in the first
place, you're going to NJ for an emotionally trying time, and it
doesn't sound like you care for her very much. Four really good
reasons for your NOT to visit her.
[/quote]
This. Don't waste your energy even thinking about her.
#Post#: 6586--------------------------------------------------
Re: Advice regarding next encounter with niece
By: VorFemme Date: June 23, 2018, 5:33 pm
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This is a "clean out the house" visit - if the house cleaning
takes less time than you're spending there, you could try
contacting niece to see if she's open to lunch or meeting for
coffee.
If you end up having no time to do anything but clean house &
get it ready to put up for sale - well, that's a full five weeks
indeed, from what I've seen happen with friends & more distant
family members.
Most of the family ended up relocating to live with family or in
a "home" of some kind (assisted living) and the amount of stuff
that was taken with them to the new location was pared down
considerably before they moved. In many cases, the old family
home was no longer owned by the family when the elderly person
passed away - so that kind of visit was not needed.
I did help Mom pack the last of Dad's stuff off to the Goodwill
when I was up to see her 11 months after he passed away
(lymphoma treatment). She found it easier to sit & sort things
a little at a time - but she was also methodical enough to
finish the job.
Now if only she'd take the time to sort out her kitchen with all
the cleaned out old margarine tubs (or whatever was in there
when the container was new & sold at the store) - because her
shelves are still a bit over stuffed in places. Maybe the next
time I'm there...?
#Post#: 6599--------------------------------------------------
Re: Advice regarding next encounter with niece
By: Runningstar Date: June 24, 2018, 8:39 am
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I actually would try reaching out to niece at some point other
than this cleaning out visit. Not to negate your upset over the
facebook stuff, but to say what I would do. Because imo she
has a point about being hurt over not being invited, being hurt
is not something you really choose to be. She should come here
and vent about it! I am that niece in my family, sadly, but I
choose to act politely and as if I haven't noticed.
On my mother's side of the family I am not invited to anything,
while my mother, brother and his family are. When visiting my
mom, I saw the cousin's wedding invitation that said something
like "we want to invite those who have been a part of our
lives". It stung a bit as they would not come to my events and
didn't invite me to theirs. So where was my chance to be a part
of their lives? Aunt does come to my events, and after the
wedding brought pictures for me so that I could see how
beautiful everything was. I was polite and adult about it and
looked through them and complimented them. It reaffirmed to me
that everyone sees this as ok, so umm.... ok.
I just leave it be, no facebook unfriending, no snarky ill hid
comments. I just accept it as it is and figure that some day
I'll get it. Maybe I do things unknowingly that have ended all
chances. Can't ask my mom about it as she is a drama stirrer
and that would be front page news.
#Post#: 6605--------------------------------------------------
Re: Advice regarding next encounter with niece
By: lakey Date: June 24, 2018, 1:28 pm
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[quote]When visiting my mom, I saw the cousin's wedding
invitation that said something like "we want to invite those who
have been a part of our lives". It stung a bit as they would
not come to my events and didn't invite me to theirs. So where
was my chance to be a part of their lives? Aunt does come to
my events, and after the wedding brought pictures for me so that
I could see how beautiful everything was. [/quote]
Showing you the photos from a wedding to which you hadn't been
invited sounds pretty clueless. It's possible that someone said
something about you to family members that have caused them to
not invite you. I've seen estrangements in families that were
based on false information or exaggeration of something that had
happened. Hugs.
#Post#: 6816--------------------------------------------------
Re: Advice regarding next encounter with niece
By: bopper Date: June 26, 2018, 9:42 am
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If somehow she says anything after this trip..."I was cleaning
out my parents house...I had no idea you wanted to help. I will
keep that in mind for next time."
#Post#: 6920--------------------------------------------------
Re: Advice regarding next encounter with niece
By: collakat Date: June 27, 2018, 4:01 am
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I don't think you need to explain yourself or let us tell you
how you must feel about your niece. If you don't want to visit
her, then don't. There has been a lot of great phrases if she
ever brings it up. Don't say maybe next time if you don't mean
it. Good luck
#Post#: 8375--------------------------------------------------
Re: Advice regarding next encounter with niece
By: Amethyst Anne Date: July 11, 2018, 2:00 pm
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Thank you, everyone! I’m sorry for the delay in responding to
all of your kind replies. My DFIL passed away after several
weeks of his health declining. During this time, my sister(the
mother of the bride) came and visited my branch of the family
for a week.
I printed out my initial query and all the wise suggestions. I
showed it to Sister, and she told me other things that
Brother’sDD said during the time of Sister’sDD’s wedding. Just
more of the same that I outlined in my initial post. I showed
the print-out to my DD’s and DDIL. They agree with you.
I’ve spent a great amount of time thinking about what all of you
lovely people had told me. And asked myself how my own aunts and
uncles would have said/done had I acted like
Brother’sDD......they would have taken a step back and left me
alone. My parents would have pointed out the temper tantrum, and
taken a step back.
I’m not going to contact Brother’sDD during this trip to New
Jersey.
On a humorous flight-of-fancy:
ImmatureMe wanted to blast Brother’sDD’s face off
verbally.......AdultMe pushed ImmatureMe into the upstairs craft
room, pointed out all the wonderful Works-In-Progress, and
closed the door. :D
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