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#Post#: 5124--------------------------------------------------
Re: How badly did I mess up?
By: Hanna Date: June 11, 2018, 3:42 pm
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I think you did the right thing. And that is exactly why he was
asking you the question; he wanted to know if you had any
reservations. You did him a favor by being honest.
#Post#: 5137--------------------------------------------------
Re: How badly did I mess up?
By: TootsNYC Date: June 11, 2018, 4:30 pm
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[quote author=GardenGal link=topic=359.msg5120#msg5120
date=1528748955]
From the updates, it sounds like you did the right thing. I
wonder why Sue resigned rather than bring a complaint to HR?
[/quote]
Because it's easier?
Because it gets this asshole out of her life faster, and more
surely?
Because going to HR doesn't mean anything will actually
happen--no, not even now, but very likely not then either. And
meanwhile she has to interact with him. Maybe even fend off
another advance. Maybe even deal with him trying to pressure or
beg or threaten her to keep her from talking about it to HR, or
to anybody else.
Because going to HR means you have to talk about it ad nauseum,
and people will ask you shitty questions like "did you do
something to make him think you were interested?" and "are you
sure you didn't misinterpret things?"
This is the next lesson to be taught by the #MeToo movement:
People will cope with that sexual harassment in the way that
seems SAFEST to them at the time--that protects the things they
want or need most.
And they are entitled to do so.
#Post#: 5142--------------------------------------------------
Re: How badly did I mess up?
By: Kiwipinball Date: June 11, 2018, 5:28 pm
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[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=359.msg5137#msg5137
date=1528752640]
[quote author=GardenGal link=topic=359.msg5120#msg5120
date=1528748955]
From the updates, it sounds like you did the right thing. I
wonder why Sue resigned rather than bring a complaint to HR?
[/quote]
Because it's easier?
Because it gets this **** out of her life faster, and more
surely?
Because going to HR doesn't mean anything will actually
happen--no, not even now, but very likely not then either. And
meanwhile she has to interact with him. Maybe even fend off
another advance. Maybe even deal with him trying to pressure or
beg or threaten her to keep her from talking about it to HR, or
to anybody else.
Because going to HR means you have to talk about it ad nauseum,
and people will ask you shitty questions like "did you do
something to make him think you were interested?" and "are you
sure you didn't misinterpret things?"
This is the next lesson to be taught by the #MeToo movement:
People will cope with that sexual harassment in the way that
seems SAFEST to them at the time--that protects the things they
want or need most.
And they are entitled to do so.
[/quote]
So true. I have not been remotely surprised at the number of
allegations coming out with the #MeToo movement. What has
surprised me is that harassers/abusers/whatevers are actually
facing some consequences. That's been shocking to me. I'd like
to think I'd complain to HR, but I don't know that I would. And
if Sue was already on the fence about the job or something, it
was just easiest to resign.
#Post#: 5151--------------------------------------------------
Re: How badly did I mess up?
By: TootsNYC Date: June 11, 2018, 6:35 pm
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a person might also hope that an immediate resignation,
especially if you resign without notice, might make it clear
that any allegation you have to make, you're serious about.
AND...there isn't always an HR to go to.
In the case of the OP's future job situation--who do you go to
about the chief of staff to an elected politician? That
politician? Do you count on him to do the right thing? And what
would that be?
Sometimes employers think "the right thing" is to scold the guy
and tell him to never do it again. But you're still working with
him, and you STILL don't think he's safe. (because he isn't)
#Post#: 5163--------------------------------------------------
Re: How badly did I mess up?
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: June 11, 2018, 8:07 pm
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Did you screw up and potentially hurt your own job? Absolutely
not.
At the very least, Phil learned that there was gossip out there
that could hurt him. So Phil does some research and talks to
the people who have direct knowledge of the allegations. Let's
say that the allegations are unfounded. Since you warned Phil
about the gossip, Phil cannot be blindsided by it. No nasty
surprises in a press conference or a bombshell news article. "I
fully researched the accusations by A,B,C, and I found D,E,F."
#Post#: 5169--------------------------------------------------
Re: How badly did I mess up?
By: Writer of Wrongs Date: June 11, 2018, 9:22 pm
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I tried posting a bit ago and had trouble, so hopefully it
doesn’t post twice. (I’m on my phone now.)
I’m relieved that y’all think I did the right thing. If nothing
else, as a couple of people mentioned, Phil has a heads-up that
Henry has a reputation.
As for why Sue didn’t go to HR: the HR director answers to
Henry, in Henry’s current job. The only person higher than Henry
is an elected official who is completely unavailable to staff.
(And I don’t know if that official would intervene if he DID
know something.) I believe Phil would intervene, but I
personally think it would be better to just avoid the potential
problem entirely.
Thanks, everyone! I’ll let you know if/how this progresses!
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