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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 5139--------------------------------------------------
Re: Paying for a friend who doesn't have enough cash on them
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: June 11, 2018, 4:35 pm
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I stand by my "have a talk" suggestion upstream. But if you do
want in-the-moment tactics, try this:
--- Quote ---
> why can't you let Mary order enough to get to the $10 mark so
she can use her card?
--- End Quote ---
if it's truly that the bill is too small to pay with a debit
card (most places I go to will now take a debit card for ANY
amount, though), maybe say as you do in, "Do you have enough
cash? Why don't you buy both of our sandwiches on your card, and
I'll pay you back for mine."
But really, you should say, "Oh, this one's your treat,
remember? I think I've covered you for quite a few times now, so
you're up."
#Post#: 5159--------------------------------------------------
Re: Paying for a friend who doesn't have enough cash on them
DIR By: pierrotlunaire0
Date: June 11, 2018, 8:01 pm
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Another thing to consider that even if she is truly innocent and
honestly forgets, then you have rewarded this behavior on a
subconscious level. There are no negative consequences to her
behavior, so she never has to learn and remember. When he was a
kitten, I would play with my cat and he would get so excited he
would scratch and bite (all while purring madly because he was
having so much fun). If I had never swatted him (not hard), how
could he learn that it was not acceptable?
#Post#: 5204--------------------------------------------------
Re: Paying for a friend who doesn't have enough cash on them
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: June 12, 2018, 8:46 am
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Just a comment about below note:
--- Quote from: MinMom3 link ---
>
> I think when I'm annoyed to the point that I'm posting about
it here, it's gone far enough to tell the annoyance why I'm
upset. For me, it's a personal fish or cut bait time.
--- End Quote ---
I think many of us may post about something here that is not
something we are really upset about. It just might be an
occurrence where we'd like other's opinions or want some input
on ideas about how to handle something. I know I was often
irritated on the other board when someone would post a topic and
someone else would say "If your upset about it then....". When
we post here about specific situations with about another
person, we are only hearing about one aspect of a relationship.
We are not seeing the relationship as a whole. So classifying
someone's friend as a user or saying if you are posting about
the issue it's time to break off the relationship does not seem
fair to me. There is a reason the OP has chosen to keep this
person in her life.
On topic
I like the idea of ordering, paying and then immediately moving
away from the counter.
Or on your next outing as you are approaching the counter say "I
don't have any cash on me. Let's order together and I'll treat
so I can use my card." Then on the next outing ask your friend
"Hey, is today your treat? If so we can place our order together
so you can use your card."
Then maybe on the 3rd outing as you approach the counter say "I
only have enough cash to cover my order. Do you have enough on
you to cover yours?"
#Post#: 5218--------------------------------------------------
Re: Paying for a friend who doesn't have enough cash on them
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: June 12, 2018, 10:29 am
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I agree with you so much, Hmmm, that people sometimes post
things here that they're just interested in, or are only mildly
bothered by.
MinMom3 knows herself, so that's a great insight from her (since
she was talking about herself).
But I'll also say for me, sometimes I might not be -greatly-
bothered by it, but if I'm going to talk about it at all,
anywhere, it does mean that I am at least getting to the point
that I might do something about it. Especially if it's
re-occurring.
#Post#: 5249--------------------------------------------------
Re: Paying for a friend who doesn't have enough cash on them
DIR By: AfleetAlex
Date: June 12, 2018, 12:35 pm
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And sometimes you just want a reality check. "Am I totally
losing my mind or do you see it this way too?" ;)
OP, be sure to update us!
#Post#: 5334--------------------------------------------------
Re: Paying for a friend who doesn't have enough cash on them
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: June 13, 2018, 6:05 am
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Thanks everyone! I am definitely more "mildly bothered" than
"extremely upset". Mary is actually a really good friend, and
this definitely doesn't happen every time. It's just happened
enough in the last few months to be noticeable.
I really like a PP's idea of simply letting Mary step up to the
cashier and pay first. I'm going to try that next time. If that
doesn't work, I'll try a more direct approach - eg having a
frank conversation with her along the lines of what Toots and
others have suggested.
#Post#: 5387--------------------------------------------------
Re: Paying for a friend who doesn't have enough cash on them
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: June 13, 2018, 12:24 pm
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--- Quote from: LifeOnPluto link ---
>
> It's just happened enough in the last few months to be
noticeable.
>
>
--- End Quote ---
Given this, I agree with you that a small "course correction"
might be enough to taper this off.
Let her go first, and also just stand there waiting if she
doesn't have enough cash. Let her figure out how to solve her
own problem. Don't volunteer.
Then if she asks you for the extra money to make up for it,
suggest using her card. Or if there's a minimum she has to meet
to use the card, then suggest she buy yours in order to get the
bill up high enough:
"Why don't you roll mine in with yours, to get to the
minimum?" And then you can say, "I'll just give you the cash
instead of them," or "Since I've topped you off the last few
times, it's your turn anyway."
Very mild, very friendly.
I think often we have trouble w/ confidence on this issue
because we think there might be something reprehensible behind
if, and we don't want to scold people (and we may worry about
our ability to keep the right tone).
But if we start with the assumption that of COURSE this
person wouldn't want to be a taker, they'd of COURSE want a
suggested solution that doesn't put you out--then it's easier to
get the tone right and easier to feel confident in bringing it
up.
I sometimes compare it to them having a tag up, or zipper
down, or TP stuck to their shoe. Or, of them having dropped
their umbrella. Of course they'd want us to alert them.
#Post#: 5409--------------------------------------------------
Re: Paying for a friend who doesn't have enough cash on them
DIR By: bopper
Date: June 13, 2018, 2:03 pm
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Or just say "Oh gosh, I only have $5 on me."
#Post#: 5502--------------------------------------------------
Re: Paying for a friend who doesn't have enough cash on them
DIR By: NewHomeowner
Date: June 14, 2018, 8:15 am
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Did I miss something? Why can't Mary just use her card to pay
for her part of the food?
I've used a debit card for something as small as $3.50 before.
It's done all the time.
#Post#: 5503--------------------------------------------------
Re: Paying for a friend who doesn't have enough cash on them
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: June 14, 2018, 8:24 am
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--- Quote from: NewHomeowner link ---
>
> Did I miss something? Why can't Mary just use her card to pay
for her part of the food?
> I've used a debit card for something as small as $3.50 before.
It's done all the time.
>
--- End Quote ---
I know credit cards charge the businesses fees so local places
have a $5-$10 minimum, but are fees charged for debit cards too?
Either way, she can sure as heck pay for the OP's food using her
card since she keeps saying she'll get it "next time." How many
times is the OP owed by now? :(
It's so strange to me how people don't feel any embarrassment.
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