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#Post#: 4778--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower/Gift/Money Question - Warning: Possibly Sensitiv
e Post
By: Bada Date: June 7, 2018, 9:47 pm
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Can you just give her a card with cash and skip the party?
That's probably what you did for the co-worker with the fire,
right?
#Post#: 4809--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower/Gift/Money Question - Warning: Possibly Sensitiv
e Post
By: bopper Date: June 8, 2018, 9:23 am
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I would assume in my head that you are going to have the usual
party...but ask her first.
Otherwise it could be "Is my child with a health problem not
good enough for a party?"
But naturally you don't want to upset her if a party is not what
would be helpful for her at this time.
"Sheila, as you know we have baby showers for employees and of
course we have one planned for you. However, I know that you
have been given health news about your baby...and we are
planning for the baby shower unless that would not be something
you wish. We want to support you in the way that would be most
helpful to you."
#Post#: 4814--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower/Gift/Money Question - Warning: Possibly Sensitiv
e Post
By: camlan Date: June 8, 2018, 10:49 am
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[quote author=Girlie link=topic=342.msg4733#msg4733
date=1528391004]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=342.msg4717#msg4717
date=1528387122]
I would host a baby shower for her. Pass around a card and do a
collection just like with everyone else. I'm not sure what the
concern is with doing a shower for her. Yes, it is sad news that
the child has spina bifada but I would think they would still
want to celebrate the child in the same manner.
[/quote]
This isn't about us not wanting to throw her a shower. We would
be thrilled to.
However, based on her behavior, we have seen evidence to believe
that she may not want one. We do plan on having someone close to
her ask her to be sure, but we just don't think she's going to
say "yes."
I agree that every baby deserves to be celebrated, but I also
have to recognize that not every mother feels like celebrating,
for whatever reason. That doesn't mean that we don't wish to
support her and let her know that we are here for her family as
much as we can be.
[/quote]
The bolded wasn't mentioned in the OP, so it seemed as if
everyone was circling around the issue with their own ideas, and
no input from the mother-to-be.
How I would handle this situation, given the new info, is to
have someone who is friends with Shiela ask about the shower,
but not if she wants one or not. I'd go on the assumption that
since all babies get showers, this one will, too.
The friend should ask a neutral question, along the lines of,
"When would be a good time for your shower?" or "Have you
registered anywhere for the baby? We are planning your shower
and want to let everyone know."
This will give Sheila the chance to say that she does or doesn't
want the shower, without having to deal with assumptions about
the health of the baby.
If Sheila seems reluctant or hesitant about the shower when
questioned, the friend can also offer a way out. "You don't seem
happy about the shower. We don't have to have one if you'd
rather not." But don't go stating reasons why she might not, no
"because of the baby's issues" type thing. Some people just
don't like being the center of attention and don't like showers
because of that.
But since every baby gets a shower at your office, the best
route is too operate on that assumption, unless and until Sheila
tells you otherwise.
Warning: sad stuff ahead.
Part of what I'm basing all this on is that I have attended a
shower of just a few very close friends, for the mother of a
baby who was almost certainly going to die within 24 hours after
birth. The baby was died a few hours after birth. She was buried
in a handmade outfit from the shower, and the rest of the gifts
were carefully tucked away in a special memory box. The mother
chose to have the shower, but in a reduced form from the
original plans, after the baby's health issues were discovered.
She wanted the experience both for her and to celebrate the
baby's life, however short it was going to be.
You don't know what Sheila is feeling or what might ease her
anxiety about this baby-to-be. It could be that having a
"normal" celebration, just like for every other baby, could
bring her joy.
#Post#: 4826--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower/Gift/Money Question - Warning: Possibly Sensitiv
e Post
By: TootsNYC Date: June 8, 2018, 12:08 pm
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I so like Camlan's post!
#Post#: 5769--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower/Gift/Money Question - Warning: Possibly Sensitiv
e Post
By: guest426 Date: June 16, 2018, 2:30 pm
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[quote author=Dazi link=topic=342.msg4708#msg4708
date=1528383577]
I would not start a go fund me without the parent's expressed
permission. They may not want or need it.
[/quote]
This. As with most questions that happen around sensitive
topics, I think the best course of action here would be to ask
for her preference. You don't need to ask for any personal
details, just ask her if she would like you to throw the usual
shower or not.
#Post#: 5793--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower/Gift/Money Question - Warning: Possibly Sensitiv
e Post
By: MrsG Date: June 17, 2018, 2:41 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Girlie link=topic=342.msg4733#msg4733
date=1528391004]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=342.msg4717#msg4717
date=1528387122]
I would host a baby shower for her. Pass around a card and do a
collection just like with everyone else. I'm not sure what the
concern is with doing a shower for her. Yes, it is sad news that
the child has spina bifada but I would think they would still
want to celebrate the child in the same manner.
[/quote]
This isn't about us not wanting to throw her a shower. We would
be thrilled to.
However, based on her behavior, we have seen evidence to believe
that she may not want one. We do plan on having someone close to
her ask her to be sure, but we just don't think she's going to
say "yes."
I agree that every baby deserves to be celebrated, but I also
have to recognize that not every mother feels like celebrating,
for whatever reason. That doesn't mean that we don't wish to
support her and let her know that we are here for her family as
much as we can be.
[/quote]
As her due date gets closer she will have had more of a time
span between the diagnosis discovery and the actual birth, she
might feel like celebrating then. Spina bifida is not a death
sentence - it's a birth defect but the great majority of those
babies who are born with it grow to be adults with careers and
lives of their own. (Jean Driscoll grew up to be a multiple
winner of the Boston Marathon in the Disabled Athletes Division
and an Olympian. Jockey Buddy Winnet, Journalist Daniel Vance,
Artist Frida Kahlo, Singer Lucinda Williams, Comedian Debbie
Wooten are just some of the career oriented people out there who
were born with spina bifida and make their lives work no matter
what.)
But, it's still a startling diagnosis. She still might be
processing the reality and once she's closer to delivery she
might be happy to have a shower. Either way, it wouldn't hurt to
have somebody in the office who is close to her ask if she'd
like a shower. I'm sure by this point she's seen it done for
others and it would seem rather 'off' for it to not be offered
to her. I know ya'll are trying to be sensitive to her situation
but it could inadvertently backfire if nothing is done at all or
nothing is said.
#Post#: 5794--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower/Gift/Money Question - Warning: Possibly Sensitiv
e Post
By: Dazi Date: June 17, 2018, 5:38 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=MrsG link=topic=342.msg5793#msg5793
date=1529221290]
[quote author=Girlie link=topic=342.msg4733#msg4733
date=1528391004]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=342.msg4717#msg4717
date=1528387122]
I would host a baby shower for her. Pass around a card and do a
collection just like with everyone else. I'm not sure what the
concern is with doing a shower for her. Yes, it is sad news that
the child has spina bifada but I would think they would still
want to celebrate the child in the same manner.
[/quote]
This isn't about us not wanting to throw her a shower. We would
be thrilled to.
However, based on her behavior, we have seen evidence to believe
that she may not want one. We do plan on having someone close to
her ask her to be sure, but we just don't think she's going to
say "yes."
I agree that every baby deserves to be celebrated, but I also
have to recognize that not every mother feels like celebrating,
for whatever reason. That doesn't mean that we don't wish to
support her and let her know that we are here for her family as
much as we can be.
[/quote]
As her due date gets closer she will have had more of a time
span between the diagnosis discovery and the actual birth, she
might feel like celebrating then. Spina bifida is not a death
sentence - it's a birth defect but the great majority of those
babies who are born with it grow to be adults with careers and
lives of their own. (Jean Driscoll grew up to be a multiple
winner of the Boston Marathon in the Disabled Athletes Division
and an Olympian. Jockey Buddy Winnet, Journalist Daniel Vance,
Artist Frida Kahlo, Singer Lucinda Williams, Comedian Debbie
Wooten are just some of the career oriented people out there who
were born with spina bifida and make their lives work no matter
what.)
But, it's still a startling diagnosis. She still might be
processing the reality and once she's closer to delivery she
might be happy to have a shower. Either way, it wouldn't hurt to
have somebody in the office who is close to her ask if she'd
like a shower. I'm sure by this point she's seen it done for
others and it would seem rather 'off' for it to not be offered
to her. I know ya'll are trying to be sensitive to her situation
but it could inadvertently backfire if nothing is done at all or
nothing is said.
[/quote]
Honestly, it depends on which of the three types of spina bifida
the baby has Mrs. G. Myelomeningocele most certainly can be
fatal and can cause serious neurological defects if it is not.
The other two types are not as nearly as serious by comparison
though.
#Post#: 5806--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower/Gift/Money Question - Warning: Possibly Sensitiv
e Post
By: MrsG Date: June 17, 2018, 1:23 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Dazi link=topic=342.msg5794#msg5794
date=1529231926]
[quote author=MrsG link=topic=342.msg5793#msg5793
date=1529221290]
[quote author=Girlie link=topic=342.msg4733#msg4733
date=1528391004]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=342.msg4717#msg4717
date=1528387122]
I would host a baby shower for her. Pass around a card and do a
collection just like with everyone else. I'm not sure what the
concern is with doing a shower for her. Yes, it is sad news that
the child has spina bifada but I would think they would still
want to celebrate the child in the same manner.
[/quote]
This isn't about us not wanting to throw her a shower. We would
be thrilled to.
However, based on her behavior, we have seen evidence to believe
that she may not want one. We do plan on having someone close to
her ask her to be sure, but we just don't think she's going to
say "yes."
I agree that every baby deserves to be celebrated, but I also
have to recognize that not every mother feels like celebrating,
for whatever reason. That doesn't mean that we don't wish to
support her and let her know that we are here for her family as
much as we can be.
[/quote]
As her due date gets closer she will have had more of a time
span between the diagnosis discovery and the actual birth, she
might feel like celebrating then. Spina bifida is not a death
sentence - it's a birth defect but the great majority of those
babies who are born with it grow to be adults with careers and
lives of their own. (Jean Driscoll grew up to be a multiple
winner of the Boston Marathon in the Disabled Athletes Division
and an Olympian. Jockey Buddy Winnet, Journalist Daniel Vance,
Artist Frida Kahlo, Singer Lucinda Williams, Comedian Debbie
Wooten are just some of the career oriented people out there who
were born with spina bifida and make their lives work no matter
what.)
But, it's still a startling diagnosis. She still might be
processing the reality and once she's closer to delivery she
might be happy to have a shower. Either way, it wouldn't hurt to
have somebody in the office who is close to her ask if she'd
like a shower. I'm sure by this point she's seen it done for
others and it would seem rather 'off' for it to not be offered
to her. I know ya'll are trying to be sensitive to her situation
but it could inadvertently backfire if nothing is done at all or
nothing is said.
[/quote]
Honestly, it depends on which of the three types of spina bifida
the baby has Mrs. G. Myelomeningocele most certainly can be
fatal and can cause serious neurological defects if it is not.
The other two types are not as nearly as serious by comparison
though.
[/quote]
True - but since there's no information re: type, in my opinion,
it's best to go with the positive and hope the negative isn't a
possibility at this point.
#Post#: 9596--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower/Gift/Money Question - Warning: Possibly Sensitiv
e Post
By: Girlie Date: July 25, 2018, 8:53 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Hi, everyone!
I just wanted to give an update in case anyone was curious. The
employee DID decide that she wants a shower, and, as per our
usual custom, we will be throwing her one next month.
#Post#: 10157--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower/Gift/Money Question - Warning: Possibly Sensitiv
e Post
By: TootsNYC Date: July 31, 2018, 11:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for the update!
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