DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Family and Children
*****************************************************
#Post#: 4182--------------------------------------------------
We bought the "wrong souvenirs"
By: Bada Date: June 2, 2018, 9:05 am
---------------------------------------------------------
We recently returned home from a trip to Place A very popular
souvenir at Place is the pet rock. (Not really, but for purposes
of discussion!)
We were telling my mom about our trip. She was on speaker phone
so my almost 2 year old could listen too. She moaned (whined?
Complained? Seriously, it was over the top) about how terrible
it was that we didn't buy Little One (LO) a pet rock. She'd made
a comment about it by text that I'd already ignored, so this
time I sarcastically commented that I hadn't received the check
she sent to pay for the pet rock. She said she would have sent
one if she'd known the price, because LO needed the pet rock.
I told her the other souvenirs we'd bought for LO to deflect the
conversation, but she was not appeased. She thinks it's just
awful we didn't buy a pet rock (which isn't really something a
kid under 2 is interested in anyway; it's made for an older age
group...which I also tried to point out when she wouldn't drop
it).
MrBada says if and when she does this again, we just say we
bought the souvenirs LO wanted and repeat as necessary.
My concern is, when LO is older and understands the conversation
better, I don't want LO to think he picked the "wrong souvenir"
because he wasn't interested in the pet rock, even though
grandma obviously places (bizarrely)@ large emphasis on it.
How have you all tackled these situations? Does the big Sit Down
talk have to happen, where you tell her to cut it out? Would you
take MrBada's advice? Sarcasm and ignoring and changing the
subject didn't really work wonders this time around.
#Post#: 4186--------------------------------------------------
Re: We bought the "wrong souvenirs"
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: June 2, 2018, 9:31 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I like MrBada's advice. Although after saying it 2 - 3 times, I
might just ignore her if she brings it up again. Not even bean
dip. I would just pretend that she didn't say anything because
I have already answered her 3 times and the answer hasn't
changed yet.
And if Mom prods for an answer: Did you hear what I just said?
"Mom, I'm not talking about this anymore."
#Post#: 4189--------------------------------------------------
Re: We bought the "wrong souvenirs"
By: sandisadie Date: June 2, 2018, 10:01 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I think I would just tell her that the next time she visits the
Place she can buy the "correct" souvenir and until then you
don't want to hear anymore about it!
#Post#: 4190--------------------------------------------------
Re: We bought the "wrong souvenirs"
By: TootsNYC Date: June 2, 2018, 10:07 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I would take her off speakerphone the moment she started that
sort of thing.
And then I'd say, as I said to my MIL when she told my son, who
was running around the house enjoying his first-communion suit,
"be comfortable! Take off your jacket and tie!":
"Please don't make these kinds of comments. You will train him
to be discontent. You are teaching him that he should be
discontent. You must stop."
#Post#: 4199--------------------------------------------------
Re: We bought the "wrong souvenirs"
By: lakey Date: June 2, 2018, 11:57 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I guess I'm looking at this a bit differently because of one of
my siblings. I think this is a more general problem of how to
deal with someone who doesn't take "no" for an answer. My sister
makes suggestions and when you tell her that you won't be doing
whatever it is she suggested, she keeps at it. I've had to say
"no" to her six or seven times. This can be about minor things
or larger issues like where you will go on a vacation. She just
feels the need to tell you what you should do, and she won't
stop.
I've found that the best way to deal with someone like this is
to end the conversation. If you are on the phone, tell her that
you have to go because .....
I think it's better to do this than to reach a point where you
snap at her and damage the relationship.
#Post#: 4211--------------------------------------------------
Re: We bought the "wrong souvenirs"
By: GardenGal Date: June 2, 2018, 4:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=lakey link=topic=316.msg4199#msg4199
date=1527958628]
I guess I'm looking at this a bit differently because of one of
my siblings. I think this is a more general problem of how to
deal with someone who doesn't take "no" for an answer. My sister
makes suggestions and when you tell her that you won't be doing
whatever it is she suggested, she keeps at it. I've had to say
"no" to her six or seven times. This can be about minor things
or larger issues like where you will go on a vacation. She just
feels the need to tell you what you should do, and she won't
stop.
I've found that the best way to deal with someone like this is
to end the conversation. If you are on the phone, tell her that
you have to go because .....
I think it's better to do this than to reach a point where you
snap at her and damage the relationship.
[/quote]
My very sweet 97-year-old MIL lives with us, and has for about
11 years. Last year she wanted to buy me a tree for my garden
as a birthday present, and I mentioned to her what kind of a
tree I wanted, but told her I wasn't ready to plant it yet and
needed to do a bunch of other stuff in the garden before it was
possible to plant it. Big mistake on my part. I should have
just asked for cash, or another gift entirely. She brought up
that tree at least 3-4 times a week for months, and each time I
gave her the same answer. After months of this I finally had to
sit down with her and just ask her to stop asking about the
tree, that were were months of work to be done in other areas of
the garden before I could even get to the area where I wanted
the tree to go, and to please please please stop asking about
when I would plant the tree. She hasn't brought it up since,
and it has been a year and I still haven't gotten the space
ready to plant the tree. I know she'd like to see it done,
especially as she isn't getting any younger, so what I'm
thinking of doing is asking her if it would be okay for me t
purchase something else instead that I can plant now. I think
she'll go for that.
All of this is to illustrate that some people just can't let a
topic go, and all the replies you make fall on deaf ears. Maybe
OP would do better to a) take the phone off speaker, and b) tell
her mom that she bought a souvenir that the child liked and the
subject was closed, and c) say "that topic is closed" and refuse
to engage whenever the topic was brought up again.
#Post#: 4215--------------------------------------------------
Re: We bought the "wrong souvenirs"
By: Bada Date: June 2, 2018, 4:37 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=sandisadie link=topic=316.msg4189#msg4189
date=1527951700]
I think I would just tell her that the next time she visits the
Place she can buy the "correct" souvenir and until then you
don't want to hear anymore about it!
[/quote]
Unfortunately, then she'd just complain we didn't ask her to
come with us. It's not the kind of place people usually travel
to alone.
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=316.msg4190#msg4190
date=1527952035]
I would take her off speakerphone the moment she started that
sort of thing.
And then I'd say, as I said to my MIL when she told my son, who
was running around the house enjoying his first-communion suit,
"be comfortable! Take off your jacket and tie!":
"Please don't make these kinds of comments. You will train him
to be discontent. You are teaching him that he should be
discontent. You must stop."
[/quote]
I said "speaker phone" but I should have said it was a video
call. You can't take someone off speaker, so I guess I'll have
to flee the room!
She is a very discontent person...You're exactly right that
she's basically telling LO to also be discontent. What you said
is a short statement I could see myself saying to her in the
moment.
#Post#: 4217--------------------------------------------------
Re: We bought the "wrong souvenirs"
By: TootsNYC Date: June 2, 2018, 4:47 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
The goal of taking her off speaker phone was to fix it so the
kid can't hear her. But yes, whatever works there.
#Post#: 4227--------------------------------------------------
Re: We bought the "wrong souvenirs"
By: Luci Date: June 2, 2018, 8:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=pierrotlunaire0 link=topic=316.msg4186#msg4186
date=1527949878]
I like MrBada's advice. Although after saying it 2 - 3 times, I
might just ignore her if she brings it up again. Not even bean
dip. I would just pretend that she didn't say anything because
I have already answered her 3 times and the answer hasn't
changed yet.
And if Mom prods for an answer: Did you hear what I just said?
"Mom, I'm not talking about this anymore."
[/quote]
After reading all the above posts, I still agree with this. It’s
also future training for your MIL to learn you will stand by
your decisions. It will serve you well later on. At least it did
me.
#Post#: 4241--------------------------------------------------
Re: We bought the "wrong souvenirs"
By: lakey Date: June 3, 2018, 12:23 am
---------------------------------------------------------
GardenGal,
The good news is that for being 97 your MIL has a really good
memory.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page