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#Post#: 3867--------------------------------------------------
I Need Some Advice
By: ladyinblue Date: May 29, 2018, 4:22 pm
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I know this is bit early, but I was wondering if I might get
some advice.
BG: when i was going and living with my ex, I was required
to spend lavishly on him and his family whenever it was their
birthdays,anniversarries,or the holidys. But they chose to
ignore me, saying they were out of money(I know for a fact they
weren'tweren't). But yet IU was forced to Attend all gift
giving functions. I promptly stop[ped going after acouple of
years and refused to have them over for holidays. Eng bg.
The advice I'm looking for is how due I trust anyone to
shop for me and in turn how do I shop for someone without them
complaining about w hat I
got them. My ex and his family were always complaing aboput
what I gave them,even if it was exactly what they asked for!
I'm seeing someone now and I was wondering how to I go about
trusting him to get me what I want.
It wasnt only my ex and his family, my own sister refuses to
shop for me but want me to shop for her. I'm willing to listen
to any advice. Thank you all in advance!!
#Post#: 3870--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Need Some Advice
By: IceBear Date: May 29, 2018, 4:38 pm
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My partner and I mention things we would like as gifts to each
other throughout the year, just sending a quick email or text.
At the end of the year we've mentioned so many things that it's
still a surprise, but at least we have a list to go from!
#Post#: 3872--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Need Some Advice
By: Jem Date: May 29, 2018, 5:05 pm
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Only give gifts you want to give. I think it’s best to not ever
expect gifts, but if you do, tell people what you want directly.
“Oooh....I love these earrings! Something like this would make a
great Christmas present for me!”
#Post#: 3874--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Need Some Advice
By: happychick Date: May 29, 2018, 5:29 pm
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Amazon Wish List. put whatever you like on the list throughout
the year. you can even add to it from other websites.
#Post#: 3877--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Need Some Advice
By: Kiwipinball Date: May 29, 2018, 5:57 pm
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I think you should be clear about expectations as well. Do you
enjoy buying presents? The problem with your ex (and sister)
wasn't just that they're bad at buying presents or don't like
to. It's that they're bad/don't want to AND expect you to buy
for them. That's ridiculous. My parents don't exchange gifts.
They prefer to save the money and spend it on an activity on
vacation they couldn't otherwise afford. But that was mutually
agreed upon and neither gets mad at the other for following
through on that. So as the holidays get closer, an honest
conversation about expectation could be helpful. Do the two of
you want to exchange gifts. If so, what's the budget? Is gift
giving/receiving either of your love languages so it's super
important? Where problems between well-meaning people (your ex
sounds like a jerk and your sister sounds jerkish at least in
her gift giving/receiving attitude) is when one person assumes
things. So if you assume if your new boyfriend loves you/is
better than your ex/whatever, he'll somehow know what the
perfect present is for you and then he doesn't - in some ways
you've set him up for that. However, if you've expressed to him
that it's very important to you that the two of you exchange
comparable gifts and he blows that off - that's important to
know. No one is a mind-reader and expecting that from a partner
is a recipe for disaster. I'm not saying that you are that way
OP, just that clear communication can help prevent that. Good
luck!
#Post#: 3879--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Need Some Advice
By: ladyinblue Date: May 29, 2018, 6:14 pm
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One thing I forgot to mention. My BF has really bad knees and is
waiting for two knee replacements. Plus he said he doesn't like
to shop.
#Post#: 3882--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Need Some Advice
By: Lizzard Date: May 29, 2018, 6:45 pm
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If he has difficulty getting around, then Happychick's
suggestion of an Amazon wish list really sounds good. You can
put up a number of things at different price points so he can
select what fits in his budget.
#Post#: 3884--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Need Some Advice
By: otterwoman Date: May 29, 2018, 7:15 pm
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Talk to him. Tell him about your previous bad experiences. Ask
him how does he feel about shopping for gifts. Maybe he'd just
like a link to your Amazon wish list. Maybe he's not a gift
giving type of person, at least you'd know in advance.
I had a non-gift giving bf at one point, unfortunately I didn't
find out until after I had given him a Christmas gift and got
nothing in return. I didn't guilt trip him, I just asked what
his thoughts about gifts were before Valentine's Day. It started
a conversation.
DH (not the non-gift bf), and I had conversations about gift
giving. He is totally on board with the Amazon wish list idea.
So much easier.
#Post#: 3886--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Need Some Advice
By: Anastasia Beaverhausen Date: May 29, 2018, 7:59 pm
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[quote author=happychick link=topic=294.msg3874#msg3874
date=1527632945]
Amazon Wish List. put whatever you like on the list throughout
the year. you can even add to it from other websites.
[/quote]
This is awesome if you are on Amazon. I save things throughout
the year on my wish list and when someone asks what I want for a
holiday I email links to some of the items. Before Amazon I had
no idea what to tell people.
#Post#: 3887--------------------------------------------------
Re: I Need Some Advice
By: Tea Drinker Date: May 29, 2018, 8:16 pm
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It sounds as though you would benefit from giving yourself at
least a temporary break from the whole thing. Tell him that
because of your past experiences, gift-shopping and being
expected to give people gifts stresses you out, and the best
thing he could give you would be an agreement that you'll skip
that and just have a nice dinner, birthday person picks the
restaurant.
At some point in the future, it may be worth thinking about
whether you like to shop, when it's not about buying gifts for
demanding relatives. If you do, then sure, ask your boyfriend
for suggestions, on the scale of "books are always good" or "I
really need some new shirts, you know what colors I like." If
you don't like to shop, opt out. Tell the guy hey, disliking
shopping is another thing the two of you have in common, so
let's just skip the whole thing. (We all have to buy things like
soap and groceries and replacement towels, even if we hate
shopping, but we don't have to buy earrings, or books for other
people to read.)
This Internet stranger specifically gives you permission not to
buy gifts for anyone who asked for a specific thing and then
complained when you got it for them. They're not going to be
happy no matter what, so let them be unhappy without you
spending time and money on it. Similarly, you don't have to shop
for your sister, who has said she isn't going to
reciprocate--she's your sister, not your pre-teen child.
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