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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 3750--------------------------------------------------
The Cut Direct - When to Use "The Nuclear Option"
By: MarisaWood Date: May 28, 2018, 3:56 am
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When is it appropriate to use the CD? In what kinds of
situations have you used it? Comment in this thread!
#Post#: 3756--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Cut Direct - When to Use "The Nuclear Option"
By: kckgirl Date: May 28, 2018, 7:57 am
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I have never needed to use a cut direct, but when looking for a
clear definition, because some people use "cut direct" when they
really mean "cut off," I found a web site I've never heard of
and might really like. A cut direct is a single incident in
public, while a cut off is often permanent and many people
wouldn't even know it happened.
Easily understandable cut direct definition:
HTML https://uncommon-courtesy.com/2014/10/01/the-cut-direct-the-fiercest-etiquette-punishment/
Cut off: Cutting contact with a friend or relative who has done
something to harm the relationship beyond repair.
#Post#: 3762--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Cut Direct - When to Use "The Nuclear Option"
By: Pattycake Date: May 28, 2018, 9:10 am
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[quote author=kckgirl link=topic=287.msg3756#msg3756
date=1527512250]
I have never needed to use a cut direct, but when looking for a
clear definition, because some people use "cut direct" when they
really mean "cut off," I found a web site I've never heard of
and might really like. A cut direct is a single incident in
public, while a cut off is often permanent and many people
wouldn't even know it happened.
Easily understandable cut direct definition:
HTML https://uncommon-courtesy.com/2014/10/01/the-cut-direct-the-fiercest-etiquette-punishment/
Cut off: Cutting contact with a friend or relative who has done
something to harm the relationship beyond repair.
[/quote]
That is so interesting because I always thought people were
using that term incorrectly! It is what it says - a very pointed
cutting of someone in public so people know. When people have
used that term, they've been saying things like you should avoid
the person, don't make others uncomfortable etc, but that's not
what it was meant to be. Other people were meant to know you
were cutting that person off socially, in no uncertain terms.
#Post#: 3764--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Cut Direct - When to Use "The Nuclear Option"
By: cattlekid Date: May 28, 2018, 9:14 am
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Ack, then I used this term incorrectly on an earlier post. My
apologies. I was looking for the term to use when we ceased
speaking with someone, not necessarily a public display.
#Post#: 3781--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Cut Direct - When to Use "The Nuclear Option"
By: VorFemme Date: May 28, 2018, 12:51 pm
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The CD can only be applied in person - the person being cut is
not reacted to - they are socially invisible & imperceptible -
they don't exist in your universe at all.
I wouldn't plan to go to a wedding where either one of the HC
was someone that I was applying the CD to...in fact, I might not
plan on going to any event that I knew that that person would be
attending. I'd have other plans or couldn't get off work, if it
was a social event that I didn't mind missing out on...if I did
go, I'd have worked out avoidance strategies ahead of time. If
they turn up unexpectedly - well, its the nuclear option because
you really screen out their existence and do not notice them at
all, interact with them at all, or try to avoid them - you just
don't see them and it will quickly become something that anyone
but Captain Obvious would notice. They might still ignore it or
you might be questioned about why you're not saying anything to
CD.
Be prepared with something to say - not something that will get
you sued for libel or slander or arrested for fomenting a riot,
I'm not sure what that might be. It might depend on whether
what they did to earn the CD was done in public or in private.
If I just don't get along with them and am minimizing my
interaction with them - whether for three months or for a longer
period of time, to see what changes - I might go but would be
prepared to do only the most superficial interaction - talk
about the weather and try to keep any interaction at a
superficial level and the absolute minimum of time. Possibly
with a comment about needing to go see someone else, powder your
nose, or other innocous thing you could do that takes you far
away from them.
Just don't be rude to the hosts by fomenting a riot at their
event.
#Post#: 3782--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Cut Direct - When to Use "The Nuclear Option"
By: Kiwipinball Date: May 28, 2018, 1:03 pm
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Yeah, the cut direct is pretty extreme (but could be warranted).
It's where you're clear you saw the person and are refusing to
interact. So if I've decided to CD Sally, it might look like I
make eye contact with her and turn away without acknowledging
her or if Sally came to speak to me and I turned away. Quite
obvious and pretty awkward for others nearby, so IMO should be
used sparingly and not sought out (like VorFemme said if someone
wronged you that badly, try to avoid them in the first place).
The cut indirect is much less obvious. Probably many of us have
done this. It's where you pretend not to see someone. So if
Sally waves to me across the street and I duck into a store. The
main different is plausible deniability.
Cutting off is refusing to have contact with someone. Sometimes
cutting off could lead to the cut direct or cut indirect (if
people are forced together/run into each other) but some people
can manage some superficial level of contact if that happens.
Depends on a lot of factors.
#Post#: 3796--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Cut Direct - When to Use "The Nuclear Option"
By: Tea Drinker Date: May 28, 2018, 3:49 pm
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I've used parts of the Internet where it was possible to give
someone the cut direct. On Usenet (which consisted of
"newsgroups" devoted to all sorts of topics, things like the Red
Sox or specific programming languages, and threaded discussions
of specific topics like last night's game or a particular
programming question), people read and posted with software that
included "killfiles." I could killfile a specific poster (if I
found them tedious or offensive) or subject (if I cared about
the Red Sox but not about the food served in Fenway Park).
That was silent, and could be turned off as quickly as on (if I
decided that yes, I did care about hot dogs). However, it was
entirely possible to make a post that said "$So-and-so, that was
offensive. I'm kill-filing you," which became known as
"plonking." and then put their posts in your killfile. Replying
to something either by saying you weren't talking to someone
(and why) or just with "plonk" was telling them and everyone
else "I will have nothing further to do with him." It was
considered very bad form to publicly killfile someone and then
address them further; if Joe Schmoe is dead to me, I shouldn't
get up and say "hey, world, I'm not talking to Joe, but my
friend quoted this thing he said, and here's why he's wrong."
Like an in-person cut direct, plonking someone didn't mean the
person who announced they had killfiled someone expected their
friends to follow suit. I might look past someone at an event,
even (in 19th century form) say "sir, I do not know you" before
turning away, but that doesn't mean our mutual friends will stop
talking to them. It does mean I'm telling everyone that I am
that upset--which has the risk that some people will think that
Joe Schmoe did nothing wrong, or that I'm overreacting, and act
accordingly.
I've seen software that tries to reproduce killfiles on certain
forum software, but it doesn't seem to have caught on.
#Post#: 3800--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Cut Direct - When to Use "The Nuclear Option"
By: Sycorax Date: May 28, 2018, 4:26 pm
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That was one of the features I liked at Delphi -- you could put
someone on ignore and their posts would be hidden, but you could
stlll click on them to read them if you felt like it. Not quite
as drastic as blocking someone.
#Post#: 3806--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Cut Direct - When to Use "The Nuclear Option"
By: Pattycake Date: May 28, 2018, 5:11 pm
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[quote author=Pandorica link=topic=287.msg3800#msg3800
date=1527542777]
That was one of the features I liked at Delphi -- you could put
someone on ignore and their posts would be hidden, but you could
stlll click on them to read them if you felt like it. Not quite
as drastic as blocking someone.
[/quote]
That actually is possible here but doesn't seem to be turned on.
I am on another forum on create-a-forum where it is on, and it's
exactly like that. It would be nice if it could be done here,
then folks wouldn't have to read posts from people who may
irritate them into saying things better left unsaid!
#Post#: 3857--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Cut Direct - When to Use "The Nuclear Option"
By: JacklynHyde Date: May 29, 2018, 1:51 pm
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I've never done more than the cut-indirect, and that was to a
cousin who deserves the full cut, if not much worse. However, I
was very big on sparing the feelings of my grandparents who had
to deal with both of us, so I maintained a polite aloofness
during interactions as well as no contact online. Now that they
are both gone, most of my need to keep the peace is gone, so we
shall see what happens if I need to deal with this cousin in
person again.
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