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#Post#: 3646--------------------------------------------------
Social Script
DIR By: mathcat
Date: May 26, 2018, 3:18 pm
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As I was responding to another thread, I realized that I do have
something I can throw out for discussion. I am simply
curious...
I follow what I tend to call the social script. When asked "How
are you?" I tend to respond with "Fine thank you, and yourself?"
This occurs at grocery stores, restaurants, etc. I understand
it well enough in the sit down restaurant situation but I find
that I would prefer to avoid it in the less personal situations
such as fast food ordering, grocery stores, and especially drive
throughs. I follow the social script though in any such
situations though except for the drive through. In that case I
start with a "hi" and "may I please have..." and when given the
total I finish with "thank you." But I cannot get myself to
respond to the social script in my typical way when at the drive
through - when in a situation where I do not see the person and
I know that realistically they just want to take my order and
move on. I do not go through the drive through often but when I
do it is often of the same chain and this is done at any
restaurant of that chain in my area.
So, I know I am not being completely polite but I hope I am not
being completely rude at the drive through either. I suspect I
am somewhere in the middle. I would rather not stop going to
the drive through in question but I would rather stop going than
feel required to follow the social script in that situation.
Thoughts?
In addition, there have been a small handful of times in which I
just could not answer the question with "fine...." I was so
absolutely not fine at the time (think unexpected death of close
family member for example). In that case I would only respond
with "Thank you for asking, and yourself?" I figured that I was
avoiding having to lie with an answer of "fine" and I was being
polite by responding with the socially expected question.
Thoughts in this case?
My responses to people I know are much more personal and
genuine. I am just not big on strangers asking how I am even
though I know that in many cases they are just following the
scripts given to them by management.
Oh and yes, I am rather an introvert. If you think I get
stressed about this, you should see how tough parties, even with
friends, can be!
edited to add the introvert comment
#Post#: 3647--------------------------------------------------
Re: Social Script
DIR By: guest426
Date: May 26, 2018, 3:33 pm
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Most of the time, I'll follow the "script" but there other times
I intentionally do not follow it.
Specific times when I intentionally refuse to follow the social
script:
1) When answering my personal phone. I will not engage with a
caller until they've told me who they are and what company
they're calling from. If I don't recognize the caller-ID info
that shows up, I answer with "Hello?" (or just don't answer at
all). If they ask for me by my first name (especially if they
use my legal name, rather than the one-syllable nickname I go
by), I respond with "Who's calling?" I will not confirm that
they've reached the person they want until they've identified
themselves.
2) Sales people at mall kiosks. If I'm walking past a kiosk and
a salesperson tries to engage me in conversation, I continue
walking and don't acknowledge them at all. I figure that doing
so just encourages them to continue their sales pitch.
#Post#: 3649--------------------------------------------------
Re: Social Script
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: May 26, 2018, 3:43 pm
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I hate the social script in commerce situations (grocery story,
etc.). I really don't care how my waiter or the clerk is. I wish
them well (I've been known to thank the cashier at the deli for
getting up early to man the store so I can get my coffee on my
way to my cushy late-starting job), but I don't want to talk
like that.
So I do sometimes answer, "how are you?" with "Fine, thanks; I'd
like a coffee." or "Fine, thanks. How much was that again?"
I don't hit the ball back over the net; I just block it gently
and let it fall.
I don't think it's rude.
Fortunately, I live in NYC, and most servers don't even ask that
(not even the nice ones at my deli). In the rare times they do,
they don't seem to be focusing on the answer.
And like MrTango, if I don't know who's calling and they're
likely to be a telemarketer or poll taker or something, I don't
answer "how are you?" I say, "Why are you calling?"
#Post#: 3660--------------------------------------------------
Re: Social Script
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: May 26, 2018, 4:38 pm
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I deal with it based on the interaction.
If asked "how are you today" prior to me placing an order or
making a request, I'll go with the "Fine, thanks. May I have the
#3 burger with tots and a diet coke."
But if I'm basically killing time as they complete a
transaction, like a check out line, then I'll do the "Fine,
thanks. Are you having a nice day*?"
*I never ask "how are you today". I always do a how is your day
or are you having a nice day. I really don't care if your
bursitis is acting up today if I don't know you or can't do
anything to help.
#Post#: 3662--------------------------------------------------
Re: Social Script
DIR By: Pattycake
Date: May 26, 2018, 6:05 pm
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I usually respond to the "how are you" with "fine, thanks" but
don't volley it back either with clerks and cashiers. Neither of
us really cares... :D With friends and family, depends on who
it is and how I really am. Mostly if I am not doing well, I say
"not too bad". I don't want people to get dragged down, or
worse, start asking me for details.
#Post#: 3665--------------------------------------------------
Re: Social Script
DIR By: mathcat
Date: May 26, 2018, 7:07 pm
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I am pleasantly surprised to see that generally the response so
far is only "fine thank you" with the ball dropping after that.
As to the mention of phone telemarketers, those at kiosks, and
other similar circumstances I too don't take the bait. I didn't
happen to mention those circumstances since I have no doubt at
all in my choice of how I interact in those cases!
#Post#: 3769--------------------------------------------------
Re: Social Script
DIR By: Thitpualso
Date: May 28, 2018, 9:56 am
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I usually follow the social script in my neighborhood. Most of
the places I shop tend to be small Mom & Pop stores where the
owners often have pictures of their children or grandchildren at
the register. It’s easy to comment on ‘how tall young Buford is
getting’ and the like.
I also like to compliment cashiers if they look a little down.
‘Nice sweater’ or ‘pretty nails’ can go a long way if a young
employee is having a bad day.
This may not sound very NYC but, in this neighborhood, it’s
pretty standard.
#Post#: 3773--------------------------------------------------
Re: Social Script
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: May 28, 2018, 10:57 am
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I grew up in a small Midwestern town, and that would be how I
would interact there.
Because I would likely actually know the person somewhat.
#Post#: 3786--------------------------------------------------
Re: Social Script
DIR By: RubyCat
Date: May 28, 2018, 1:32 pm
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At the supermarket, when the cashier ask "How are you?" I always
answer "Fine. And how are you today?" They seem to enjoy the
interaction. I know I do. I tend to have the same conversation
with the person bagging my groceries.
I still have figured out the social script at work. If I need
to call another department, it seems to depend on who picks up
the phone and maybe the department. We've all got a lot going
on and don't have a lot of time. I have no problem with asking
how somebody is but they usually seem like I'm taking too much
time. The script usually goes as follows: "Hi. This is Ruby
from the 3rd floor." Then the other party usually inserts an
awkward "Hi." I don't know why it always sounds awkward. And
then I'm able to address the issue at hand. But that awkward
"Hi" always makes me wonder. It's not awful and maybe someday
I'll be able to figure it out.
#Post#: 3795--------------------------------------------------
Re: Social Script
DIR By: Tea Drinker
Date: May 28, 2018, 3:16 pm
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For the times when you need or want to answer "how are you
today?" but can't say "fine," possible answers include "could be
better" and "could be worse." (I got those from a Minnesotan
friend, for whom those are the standard answers to the
question.)
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