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#Post#: 82213--------------------------------------------------
what would you do? (not invited)
By: vintagegal Date: December 10, 2025, 3:46 pm
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I live on a circle or cul de sac with about 20 homes. I am the
only renter, everyone else owns their unit. There is an email
list of everyone's name, unit, phone, email, and emergency
contacts. Everyone has this.
I know almost everyone to say hi to, some more than others.
One is having a holiday party. I don't know her well, only said
hi a few times. Another older lady, who I do know better, told
me about a holiday party that the first one is having, a
potluck, and there is a sign up sheet by her door. Only problem,
I was not invited. Doesn't bother me in the least, (I'm still
avoiding spreader events) but I'm sure the older lady considers
what she said, to be an invitation.
I personally would rather chop off a joint of my little finger
than show up to a party where I wasn't invited by the host. I
don't consider a second-hand invite to be valid. How about you?
#Post#: 82214--------------------------------------------------
Re: what would you do? (not invited)
By: Aleko Date: December 11, 2025, 2:55 am
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I’m with you. You only know this lady to say hello to, and just
signing up to her party without a direct invitation does feel
like overstepping.
I suggest you say so to the older lady, and ask her to relay
this to the hostess. Even if they themselves wouldn’t feel
hesitant in your place, they should understand and the hostess -
if she did mean to include you - should make contact. That will
mean, of course, that you’ll be pretty much obligated to turn
up! But, although it’s totally understandable for you to be
avoiding spreader events, as the newbie in the community it’s
probably not a good move to avoid the first holiday party you
get invited to: it’s very easy to give the impression that ‘oh,
vintagegal’s not sociable’.
#Post#: 82216--------------------------------------------------
Re: what would you do? (not invited)
By: vintagegal Date: December 11, 2025, 6:54 am
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oh, the same thing happened last year. I can't remember if I
said anything to the older lady or not, probably not. The older
lady has a summer backyard BBQ for the community every year, I
do go to that.
#Post#: 82217--------------------------------------------------
Re: what would you do? (not invited)
By: lowspark Date: December 11, 2025, 7:50 am
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I would not sign up unless the actual host invited me.
You did not say, and I'm guessing you have no way of knowing, if
EVERYONE on the cul de sac except you was invited.
I mean, did the host deliberately exclude you? Or was it just
that she invited a few neighbors over and you just didn't happen
to be one of them.
Since you don't want to go, I'd just let it lie and not do
anything about it. If the neighbor who mentioned it to you
brings it up again, just say that unfortunately, you are unable
to go. No further detail is necessary.
#Post#: 82218--------------------------------------------------
Re: what would you do? (not invited)
By: jpcher Date: December 11, 2025, 2:27 pm
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[quote author=vintagegal link=topic=2654.msg82216#msg82216
date=1765457690]
oh, the same thing happened last year. I can't remember if I
said anything to the older lady or not, probably not. The older
lady has a summer backyard BBQ for the community every year, I
do go to that.
[/quote]
Thanks for posting the bold. I thought I vaguely remembered
something very similar in an older post. I had to look at the
date to make sure I was reading a new post.
Were there any aftereffects from you not attending last year?
If not, I wouldn't worry about it. I agree that a secondhand
invite is not valid.
I like lowspark's response.
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