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#Post#: 82192--------------------------------------------------
Emotional Labor
By: chigger Date: November 7, 2025, 2:32 pm
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Today my husband told me his nephew and wife would be in nearby
city until Monday. They would like to see us. I suggested Sunday
because I have a very busy day at work Saturday. Husband told me
to call and set it up. I said no, they reached out to you, not
me. He thinks I'm being an asshole, but they did not call,text
or anything with me. Question is, would you do this emotional
labor for your spouse? Extra info, spouse had called earlier to
please renew his fishing permits and I did do that.
#Post#: 82193--------------------------------------------------
Re: Emotional Labor
By: jpcher Date: November 7, 2025, 3:24 pm
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His nephew. They contacted him. He wants to do the get-together.
So, yes, I say it's on him to make the arrangements.
P.S. I never heard of emotional labor before.
#Post#: 82194--------------------------------------------------
Re: Emotional Labor
By: oogyda Date: November 8, 2025, 7:11 am
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Absolutely not.
But it sounds like you do a lot for him so he expects you to do
more for him. If he made the arrangements with his nephew, it
would be a good step in learning how to be an adult.
#Post#: 82195--------------------------------------------------
Re: Emotional Labor
By: AvidReader Date: November 8, 2025, 9:25 pm
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His nephew, he can make the arrangements compatible with what
the family has going on that day.
Emotional labor is sometimes known as “mental load.” When one
spouse is more or less responsible for keeping the household,
kids, etc. humming (bears the mental load) and the other spouse
just swans along through life with limited responsibilities.
#Post#: 82196--------------------------------------------------
Re: Emotional Labor
By: Aleko Date: November 9, 2025, 4:31 am
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YMMV, but I would class practical household management as
‘administrative labour’. ‘Emotional labour’, to me, means stuff
like remembering birthdays, phoning elderly aunts regularly,
sorting out misunderstandings between family members, making
sure nobody feels left out at gatherings, etc. It’s true that
it’s highly likely that the person saddled with one kind tends
to end up doing the other as well, but not always. Even in
households where both partners take an equal share of
administrative labour, the emotional labour tends to land mainly
on one person’s shoulders.
#Post#: 82197--------------------------------------------------
Re: Emotional Labor
By: lowspark Date: November 10, 2025, 12:53 pm
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It depends.
I'm usually ok with doing this kind of task mainly because I
want to have a say in what gets decided. So if I were to leave
it up to others and they decided to meet at a restaurant I
wasn't wild about, at a time which wasn't my preference, well,
I'd have to suck it up and go along.
But if I make the plans, I can make sure that we're going to a
place I'm ok with, at a time that works, etc.
On the other hand, I probably wouldn't be too thrilled about
renewing fishing permits. Presumably, he's the one who fishes,
he's the one who won't be able to fish if he doesn't renew, so
he's the one who should mess with that.
Now... that's all said without knowing more. There may be an
explicit or implicit division of labor where he does some things
for me that really only benefit me, and I do the same for him in
return. Or it may be a situation where one person is always
saddled with what I call "secretarial duties", which both of
these tasks fall into in my book.
So yeah... it depends. But most likely, this is the exact kind
of task I'd rather do. :)
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