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#Post#: 82044--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower Planning
By: chigger Date: August 7, 2025, 11:57 am
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Gellcom, the expectant Mom does want games!
#Post#: 82045--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower Planning
By: jpcher Date: August 7, 2025, 4:16 pm
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Thanks, gellchom -- I appreciate all of your thoughts!
[quote author=gellchom link=topic=2638.msg82042#msg82042
date=1754513270]
So what are you planning to do all that time?
[/quote]
chigger is correct -- Mom2B would like lots of games.
Interactive type of games. With people moving around, meeting
other guests, instead of staying seated in the same spot for
three hours. Even with some games including invited children.
We did change the time to 2-5 p.m. After lunch and before
dinner.
Okay, I'll agree that it is more of a social event celebrating
the soon birth of a child. Since we won't be opening gifts, we
won't mention the word "shower" in the invite (lowsparks wording
is perfect).
I understand that some people like the gift opening process
(especially with special chosen/crafted gifts). And maybe? If
it's done correctly? it might not be a bad thing.
We attended my Niece's baby shower. She had rows of folding
chairs set up in her living room. Neice was front and center in
her special chair, opening gifts. For three hours. SHE was the
star of the show, while we all watched. And that's what it was.
No interaction amongst guests, no games, really no fun at all.
From DD#1 . . . PLEASE don't make our shower be like Niece's!
DD#1 doesn't want to sit on center stage opening gifts. She'd
rather move around and talk to her guests. Thank them for
coming, enjoy their company.
#Post#: 82046--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower Planning
By: EmmaJ Date: August 7, 2025, 5:55 pm
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If you do change your mind and want to serve a light lunch, my
grocery store (Publix) sells oversized sub sandwiches pretty
inexpensively. They can be cut into 12 to 14 slices and contain
meat, cheese, lettuce and tomato and the condiments are served
separately so each person can add as much mustard and mayo as
they like.
Add some chips and a potato salad from the deli and you have a
nice no-fuss lunch and you don't even have to cook anything!
#Post#: 82047--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower Planning
By: Rho Date: August 7, 2025, 10:51 pm
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Maybe because I worked retail for years returning the gifts only
to re purchase struck me as unethical. Lots of extra work for
the employees processing the returns. If Macys offers to ship
gifts for free I must be wrong. I was talking to cousin/Grooms
mother at shower and one of the hostesses interrupted us to
assure her gift exchange was under control. That is how I
learned of the idea.
#Post#: 82048--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower Planning
By: Gellchom Date: August 8, 2025, 12:15 pm
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Whoops! I need to read more carefully.
I usually enjoy most of the activities and games. I'd suggest
not to have too too many; I have been to one or two showers
where there were so many things we had to make and do and guess
and write out that it got a little exhausting! I did once win a
nice coffee mug, though.
[quote author=Rho link=topic=2638.msg82047#msg82047
date=1754625116]
Maybe because I worked retail for years returning the gifts only
to re purchase struck me as unethical. Lots of extra work for
the employees processing the returns.
[/quote]
I see. I think I once heard before that it's bad to return
things to stores because it's extra work for the employees. But
I don't understand. I assume they are paid by the hour. So how
is it "extra" work, let alone "unethical"? Unless they are
passing up commissions other clerks get while they process
returns, what difference does it make whether they are
processing a return, processing a sale, helping a shopper,
tidying the dressing rooms or the displays, or any other task?
With all due respect to lowspark (all hail Lowspark!), I'd omit
Suzy and Tommy are registered at BabyStore.
Please consider shipping your gift directly to their home in
faraway-city.
1234 Main
FarawayCity
It's not a shower. So "your gift" feels to me kind of like a
demand for a gift, or anyway a clear expectation of one. I
mean, if you're going to do that, call it a shower.
I know I am such a stickler on this, but consider that such a
paragraph is not even necessary, because:
1) The guests are all going to get gifts for this baby at some
point anyway, no matter what you call the party (I bet many
won't even notice what it's called, and most will just think of
it as "DD#1's shower" anyway no matter what you call it), so no
need to risk appearing to even a few to push them to do so or to
be overly anxious that someone might not get a gift if not
prompted.
2) And they all know that DD#1 lives out of town, and none of
them was born yesterday. So they all know that she will have to
get them home somehow and that they can order something to be
shipped. "Please consider shipping" seems like it's just a
suggestion, but I think it is going to come across as just like
prettied-up wording for "You do the shipping," which several
people said would strike them wrong. They will think of that on
their own if that's what they want to do. If they don't, she
can pack or ship them herself; there may not be too many or too
large to pack in their bags. So all it will mean is that a few
people will ask her or you for her address. Those who order
from stores where they are registered won't even need to do
that.
Ordinarily I'd omit registry info, too, but that ship seems to
have sailed for showers. I think you can get away with it,
especially if it's just discreetly in there somewhere.
#Post#: 82049--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower Planning
By: lowspark Date: August 8, 2025, 1:05 pm
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Of course you are right, gellchom. At least for norms as they
have existed for most of my life.
But I've come to recognize that times have changed. What used to
be considered as rude or gauche in many cases has not only
become accepted but quite often expected.
[quote author=gellchom link=topic=2638.msg82048#msg82048
date=1754673306]
1) The guests are all going to get gifts for this baby at some
point anyway, no matter what you call the party (I bet many
won't even notice what it's called, and most will just think of
it as "DD#1's shower" anyway no matter what you call it),
[/quote]
Exactly! It's a shower no matter what you call it. And the
invitees are going to know that. And they are going to buy
gifts.
Twenty years ago, I would totally agree with you to be super
careful about wording and coming across as expecting gifts, etc.
But the more time goes on, the less anyone, at least of the
generations younger than I, cares about that kind of stuff.
I've gotten lots of invitations now, as I'm sure you have, that
have broken etiquette rules that were firmly in place for most
of my life. Many of those rules just don't matter anymore.
All this probably isn't making things easier for jpcher, but I'd
advise her to get with DD#1 and hash it out. DD#1 knows what
will sit well (or not) with her contemporaries, and it sounds
like that will be who will make up the majority of the guest
list.
#Post#: 82050--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower Planning
By: jpcher Date: August 8, 2025, 6:59 pm
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[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2638.msg82049#msg82049
date=1754676341]
Of course you are right, gellchom. At least for norms as they
have existed for most of my life.
But I've come to recognize that times have changed. What used to
be considered as rude or gauche in many cases has not only
become accepted but quite often expected.
[/quote]
lowspark -- your entire post was very elegantly stated. I
especially agree with the above.
I've attended many parties that my DDs (and friends of theirs)
have hosted and when people leave, they don't walk guests to the
door to say goodbye! In my day and age that was something that
polite people did . . . walk with your guests to the door to say
a final "thank you for coming" and goodbye. I guess that's not
the norm anymore.
I will talk to my DDs about this and look more in-depth about
gift wording and what is acceptable today with 30somethings.
Thanks!
[quote author=gellchom link=topic=2638.msg82048#msg82048
date=1754673306]
I usually enjoy most of the activities and games. I'd suggest
not to have too too many; I have been to one or two showers
where there were so many things we had to make and do and guess
and write out that it got a little exhausting! I did once win a
nice coffee mug, though.
[/quote]
gellchom -- YES! Thank you for reinforcing my thoughts. I know
DD#1 said "Lots of games" but I think we need to be a bit picky
about which games and space them out over time so that the game
play is not overwhelming.
I appreciate everybody's input! Thanks! ;D
#Post#: 82084--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower Planning
By: jpcher Date: August 19, 2025, 3:30 pm
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New thought that I'd like your perspective on . . .
Talking to DD#2 about the invitations, she said we should say
something like "In lieu of cards, please bring your favorite
childhood book. Write a comment on the book and sign your name."
I told her that it sounded a bit gift-grabby.
She said "No, Mom. It Is A Thing. Lots of people are doing it
these days." I guess, as the child grows, the books can be read
to them and parents would say "This is from Friend who thought
about you even before you were born." or some such thing.
I've been invited to bbshowers where, on the invitation, it said
"bring a pack of diapers to be entered into a raffle." type of
thing.
I don't know, maybe I'm just not up on the current etiquette.
Too old and set in my ways.
What do you think about adding the "bring a book" thing on the
invitations?
#Post#: 82085--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower Planning
By: lowspark Date: August 19, 2025, 3:49 pm
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I have seen it before. Like I said, LOTS of things that are the
norm today are things that would have been frowned upon "back in
my day". :)
Again - this is a shower. A party which, by definition, is
asking for gifts.
I think you might word it a little bit softer though.
The parents-to-be would like to surround their child with books.
Instead of a card, they request that you write your message and
signature in a copy your favorite childhood book.
#Post#: 82087--------------------------------------------------
Re: Baby Shower Planning
By: Aleko Date: August 20, 2025, 1:26 am
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When my brother and SIL held a party to introduce their
firstborn to their friends, although showers have never been a
thing in Britain just about everybody turned up with a soft toy;
they had to get a plastic dustbin to put them all in. No child,
let alone a month-old baby, can love an entire dustbinful of
toys; they won’t even have names for most of them. (I think
eventually DH and SIL, having identified the ones he seemed to
have any attachment to, at intervals excavated a batch of the
ones that were still sitting untouched at the bottom of the bin
and took them to a charity shop.)
So I think asking for books with the giver’s name and message is
a great idea. That’s something everybody can enjoy giving, it’s
personal in a way diapers or toys just aren’t, and a bookcase
full of books each of which has been loved by somebody or has
inspired them, is a treasure chest.
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