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#Post#: 81902--------------------------------------------------
Graduation party
By: vintagegal Date: May 17, 2025, 4:15 pm
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what would you think of a HS graduation party that consists of
everyone meeting at a restaurant and paying their own way?
#Post#: 81903--------------------------------------------------
Re: Graduation party
By: oogyda Date: May 17, 2025, 5:22 pm
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Maybe this is a situation of "know your audience". It may be
the norm for this group to celebrate this way.
Aside from that, I think it is gauche. Even giving the most
grace I can summon, it's lazy hosting.
#Post#: 81904--------------------------------------------------
Re: Graduation party
By: Rose Red Date: May 17, 2025, 6:49 pm
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I think we need more details. Is it a bunch of teens hanging out
who normally pay for themselves and using graduation as an
excuse to party, or is it a bit more formal?
If there is a host sending out invitations to friends and
relatives to celebrate one person, I think the host(s) should
pay for everyone. It doesn't have to be expensive. The
restaurant can help put together a limited menu, or the party
can be held at a pizza place or something like that.
#Post#: 81905--------------------------------------------------
Re: Graduation party
By: vintagegal Date: May 18, 2025, 6:39 am
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It's the parents. Inviting the rest of the family.
#Post#: 81906--------------------------------------------------
Re: Graduation party
By: jpcher Date: May 18, 2025, 3:25 pm
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As oogyda said, maybe this is a "know your audience" type thing.
I mean if this is the norm for all parties hosted by any family
member, then I would go with the flow and not think anything
about it.
However, I do think it is a chintzy way to host a party.
Especially a celebration that leans towards a gift-giving
situation.
If the hosts can't afford to treat all the guests to a
restaurant meal, then they should host around their budget. An
afternoon party (between lunch and dinner) with small
appetizers, snacks and lemonade (add in some fun games) would be
a wonderful family get-together to honor the graduate.
#Post#: 81908--------------------------------------------------
Re: Graduation party
By: Rho Date: May 18, 2025, 8:23 pm
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"However, I do think it is a chintzy way to host a party.
Especially a celebration that leans towards a gift-giving
situation."
Every few months my friend Lori contacts 5 of us to say we are
meeting at Alices' Restaurant downtown at 1:00 for lunch. Those
who want to attend show up. We all request separate checks.
Lori is not a 'host'. A Host pays for the food. Another friend
was a host by inviting folks to Joes Pizza Palace when her son
graduated High School. We gathered in a private room where
pizzas plus pitchers of soda were provided by friend. Joes
provided paper napkins plus cups and trash cans. Simple,
hospitable, and a good time was had by all.
#Post#: 81909--------------------------------------------------
Re: Graduation party
By: lowspark Date: May 19, 2025, 9:15 am
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I think it depends on how the "invitation" was presented.
If it was presented as a host inviting guests then I agree, not
cool. They should do their own family dinner at the restaurant
and not invite anyone they don't wish to pay for.
Then, they can host a separate party at their house or park or
wherever, and supply light refreshments like chips & dips or
cheese & crackers and such, and cake. A party like that at 2pm
for example, is perfectly acceptable if that's all they are
capable of doing.
Maybe the only way it could play out as them not hosting is if
family asked THEM - "Where are y'all going after the ceremony?"
and the response being, "ABC restaurant, you're welcome to
join!".
In that case, I would not expect the grad's family to pay, since
they didn't really initiate the party as such.
On the other hand, as others have noted, sometimes it is the
norm within a particular social group that whenever the group
goes out, regardless of the reason, i.e., birthday, graduation,
just cuz, etc., everyone pays their own way.
And... a whole other possibility, this particular "social group"
never goes out together, so there is no norm. In this case, I'd
count this as a one-off and just go with the flow. Either go if
I liked the grad and the family and the restaurant, or skip it
if the set up didn't really work for me.
#Post#: 81910--------------------------------------------------
Re: Graduation party
By: vintagegal Date: May 20, 2025, 6:21 am
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the invitation does not say who is paying for the meal, and of
course I am not going to ask. It's a very long drive for me
anyway so I am not going, I'll just send a card and check to the
grad.
#Post#: 81913--------------------------------------------------
Re: Graduation party
By: Gellchom Date: May 21, 2025, 9:32 am
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I agree with almost everyone else that it is a "know your
audience," or maybe "know the group," situation. And when it
comes to family, well, times two.
Your last post adds a couple of informative details, though:
1. There was an "invitation." You didn't describe the
invitation, though, so that still doesn't tell us much. If it
was a written invitation or even an evite, as opposed to just
mentioning it to you in a phone call or email letting you know
the date and time of the graduation, then it would seem that,
absent family custom otherwise, they should be paying.
2. There is no mention of who is paying in the invitation. Your
original post made it sound like you know they aren't, not like
a hypothetical. If the reason you think so is that this is what
the family usually does -- well, then, my answer is that maybe
it's not how I would do it, but it is "correct" within this
family's etiquette.
#Post#: 81965--------------------------------------------------
Re: Graduation party
By: bopper Date: July 1, 2025, 2:53 pm
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I would think it tacky and probably wouldn't go. They just want
the gifts but don't want to host.
They should just have a backyard BBQ.
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