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#Post#: 81627--------------------------------------------------
Facebook - am I obligated to follow up?
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: November 3, 2024, 9:20 pm
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A few weeks ago, I got a friend request on Facebook from Donna
Mackenzie (no real names here, obviously). Who is that? I had no
idea. Before deleting the request, I did check out her page.
Kids listed included Luke Whitmer and Aaron Whitmer. Wait a
minute! I know them, and I used to work with their mother: Donna
Whitmer! Oh, my gosh, she must have gotten divorced and
remarried. (Now, there is the whole gripe I have about people
sending friend requests without even hinting that I would know
them under a different name, but I guess that's just me).
Donna and I worked together when I first started working for the
state, about 20 or more years ago. Avoiding a lot of detail, but
we were fairly close, but life happens. So I accepted the
request. Then I was getting ready for my annual craft retreat,
and didn't reach out. I saw a few of her posts and I would
think, "Oh, I really should message her." Then I would remember
another thing I needed to pack for the retreat and would forget.
Finally, last week, I got a DM from her: "It's been a long time.
How are you?" I replied that I was doing fine, and asked her how
she was doing.
And that was it. So, I used to be more of a people pleaser, and
part of me is saying, "You should really reach out." But my life
is pretty full, and I guess I am asking myself if I should feel
guilty for returning the ball to her side of the court and
letting her make it clear if she wants to reopen the friendship.
#Post#: 81629--------------------------------------------------
Re: Facebook - am I obligated to follow up?
By: lowspark Date: November 4, 2024, 8:25 am
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Eh. I dunno. I am "friends" with several people on Facebook that
I'm not in contact with in any other format. Situations similar
to what you describe.
I've even had conversations with them once we connected, but
those conversations petered out. Probably because we don't have
a regular face-to-face relationship.
If she reaches out further, I'd say it's nice to respond in kind
as much as you can within a reasonable time. But I really don't
see much obligation on your part.
It's really hard to have in-depth relationships with people you
don't currently socialize with off Facebook. Once you catch up
on each other's lives for the past number of years, there's
little common ground.
#Post#: 81631--------------------------------------------------
Re: Facebook - am I obligated to follow up?
By: Aleko Date: November 4, 2024, 11:21 am
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Well, when she ‘reached out’ to you she either didn’t think
enough about it to consider that you didn’t know a ‘Donna
Mackenzie’, or wasn’t committed enough to a reconnection to take
the trouble of explaining who she was. If you had been a tad
busier, or less curious, on seeing the name you might well have
grunted ‘Neverurdova’ and clicked out again, and that would have
been that. If she really badly wanted to be in touch she’d
surely have provided enough details initially to identify
herself and jog your memory of your joint past.
So her desire to meet up with you again seems pretty mild. If
yours is only lukewarm, it’s probably not going to cut her to
the quick if you let the whole thing slide.
#Post#: 81634--------------------------------------------------
Re: Facebook - am I obligated to follow up?
By: Hmmm Date: November 4, 2024, 3:48 pm
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Is there a way to send a message with a friend request on FB? I
know you can send a DM through Messenger but I seldom look at
Messenger so wouldn't even notice if I had received a separate
message from a friend request.
I don't think there is anything else you need to do. Everyone
has different expectations of FB. You accepted her request. You
fine with occasionally seeing her posts. But you have no driving
desire to get in touch or set up a time to meet up. If she
really wants to see you, then I'd leave it in her court.
#Post#: 81636--------------------------------------------------
Re: Facebook - am I obligated to follow up?
By: Rho Date: November 4, 2024, 9:00 pm
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Donna reached out to you without telling you who she was or any
details of her current life. She finally wrote " how are you?"
without any details of her current life. Hmmmm someone has to
yell chicken first. Maybe she just wants to say 'I'm thinking of
you and how great it was being your friend 20 years ago'?
Either give her a quick summary of yourself or let it go
because it doesn't seem like she wants to take a rekindled
freindship further.
FWIT a collage freind of a freind reached out to me after 20
years---with a genuine greeting card and newsy letter. We now
send cards to each other in Dec with a recap of the past year
and no expectations for more.
#Post#: 81637--------------------------------------------------
Re: Facebook - am I obligated to follow up?
By: oogyda Date: November 5, 2024, 7:06 am
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[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2617.msg81634#msg81634
date=1730756912]
Is there a way to send a message with a friend request on FB? I
know you can send a DM through Messenger but I seldom look at
Messenger so wouldn't even notice if I had received a separate
message from a friend request.
I don't think there is anything else you need to do. Everyone
has different expectations of FB. You accepted her request. You
fine with occasionally seeing her posts. But you have no driving
desire to get in touch or set up a time to meet up. If she
really wants to see you, then I'd leave it in her court.
[/quote]
This, exactly. I will add that whether or not she would be able
to send a message through Messenger depends on your security
preferences.
#Post#: 81644--------------------------------------------------
Re: Facebook - am I obligated to follow up?
By: kckgirl Date: November 10, 2024, 10:34 am
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[quote author=oogyda link=topic=2617.msg81637#msg81637
date=1730811988]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2617.msg81634#msg81634
date=1730756912]
Is there a way to send a message with a friend request on FB? I
know you can send a DM through Messenger but I seldom look at
Messenger so wouldn't even notice if I had received a separate
message from a friend request.
I don't think there is anything else you need to do. Everyone
has different expectations of FB. You accepted her request. You
fine with occasionally seeing her posts. But you have no driving
desire to get in touch or set up a time to meet up. If she
really wants to see you, then I'd leave it in her court.
[/quote]
This, exactly. I will add that whether or not she would be able
to send a message through Messenger depends on your security
preferences.
[/quote]
Years ago, when sending a friend request, you could include a
message. The last one I got like that was from someone I
wouldn't have known otherwise because of her name change when
she married. She sent a message to tell me her birth surname and
how we knew each other. With that information, I knew exactly
who she was. I haven't had that option for several years now. I
think they should bring it back.
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