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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 81614--------------------------------------------------
Niece has gone no contact- can I send a Christmas card?
By: syfygeek Date: October 31, 2024, 10:34 am
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My niece (35) has been no contact for 4 years with her mom (my
sister) after an argument that started about clothing sizes then
turned into an argument about everything else, then with her dad
because he was telling my sister what they talked about (parents
still married), and I guess the extended family by default.
I understand cutting off family if needed, but I didn't think
she and I had any problems. I don't know her home address, but I
do know where she works. I don't expect any response from her,
but I would like her to know I'm thinking of her- can I stay out
of the Brimstone if I send her a card at her work address?
Additional Background- she started distancing from us after she
was married, and had gone completely NC before they were married
a year. I don't know how much or if any of this is due to her
DH- but if there are any problems, I hope a card would let her
know I'm here for her if needed.
#Post#: 81616--------------------------------------------------
Re: Niece has gone no contact- can I send a Christmas card?
By: jpcher Date: October 31, 2024, 3:07 pm
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I think it's perfectly acceptable to send a card. I wouldn't get
too wordy with it. Maybe a simple "Thinking of you." and add
your phone number/email address in case she'd like to get in
touch with you.
#Post#: 81617--------------------------------------------------
Re: Niece has gone no contact- can I send a Christmas card?
By: Wanaca Date: October 31, 2024, 4:08 pm
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I would try harder to find a home mailing address. I would
really be upset if someone sent personal mail to my workplace.
I keep my personal business completely separate from my work.
Have you tried a general google search on her name to see what
comes up? I like the idea of sending the card---just not to
work.
#Post#: 81618--------------------------------------------------
Re: Niece has gone no contact- can I send a Christmas card?
By: NFPwife Date: October 31, 2024, 4:30 pm
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If I'm reading between the lines correctly.... it seems like you
have a bit of concern that her lack of contact might be less
than voluntary and could be a sign that her husband is isolating
her from her family/ natural supports. In that case I would send
the card to her work address. I take Wanaca's point about
wanting to keep things separate, but this could be an
appropriate exception. When I worked in an office, I got all
kinds of holiday cards; because it's so normalized to get them,
this is a perfect opportunity to reach out in a low key manner.
I'd definitely include all the ways she can reach you.
#Post#: 81620--------------------------------------------------
Re: Niece has gone no contact- can I send a Christmas card?
By: Rho Date: October 31, 2024, 9:30 pm
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reach out to her---use a generic card and don't write much more
than 'thinking of you' with your contact information.
#Post#: 81621--------------------------------------------------
Re: Niece has gone no contact- can I send a Christmas card?
By: jpcher Date: November 1, 2024, 3:24 pm
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PVZFan -- That was my first thought as well. Glad you brought it
up.
#Post#: 81624--------------------------------------------------
Re: Niece has gone no contact- can I send a Christmas card?
By: Aleko Date: November 2, 2024, 3:35 am
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Even if there is no issue with the husband isolating her from
her family, she may simply have assumed that cutting links with
her mother necessarily entails cutting herself off from all her
mother’s relations as well; and it wouldn’t hurt to receive an
indication that her aunt is still there for her if wanted.
#Post#: 81626--------------------------------------------------
Re: Niece has gone no contact- can I send a Christmas card?
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: November 3, 2024, 9:05 pm
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I would send to her work address, and put a very simple message
in it ("Thinking of you," is fine). I would not include my
address (either physical or email in the card) because to me it
would feel like I were hinting for her to contact me back, and I
would want to show her that the door is there if she wants but
no obligation. However, on the envelope, I would place my name
and address. The info is there if she chooses to follow through,
while at the same time, if she wants to be no contact with me,
she sees who the envelope is from and can pitch it without
opening it.
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