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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 3278--------------------------------------------------
Ceremony invitations to every person on Facebook
By: Bada Date: May 23, 2018, 1:40 pm
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FaceBook lovingly recently reminded me of a post I made in
advance of my wedding several years back. I cringed reading it.
I posted that I couldn't invite all of my FB friends to the
reception, but I'd be happy if they came to the ceremony and
gave them the details. In my defense, I'm a practicing Catholic
and the Mass (and the prayers for our new marriage that went
along with it) really is more important than the
reception...although clearly less fun. Two people I didn't know
super well did come and it was really sweet of them (I sent them
thank you cards to tell them I appreciated it.)
I've now seen two friends do similarly cringeworthy things, but
I think they went farther. Clearly the world needs more
etiquette sites to educate all of us!
"Amy" invited all of her friends to her wedding ceremony, saying
they'd be throwing a party on a different day as a housewarming
combination. Since they were both practicing Catholics, people
assumed they were driving through BigCity traffic to go to a
full hour long Mass. Instead the couple used the short 20 minute
version (typically used only where one of the parties is not
Catholic). And then there was nothing afterwards, so people just
drove home. I heard people who went weren't thrilled to make
such an effort for such a short ceremony.
The second one is "Ellen". She created a public event I was
invited to. I only saw way later a post to that page saying
everyone should private message their addresses to the happy
couple to get an actual invite. She said everyone was welcome to
come to the ceremony, since it's in a public place and they
can't keep us out. (The joke fell flat for me.)
No actual question here, just some scenarios to hopefully
provide a conversation starter. :)
#Post#: 3283--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ceremony invitations to every person on Facebook
By: Pattycake Date: May 23, 2018, 1:57 pm
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Personally I don't think it's so bad what you did. You let
everyone know up front that they wouldn't be getting an
invitation to the rest of the festivities. There have been many
times I would have liked to have been invited just for the
ceremony even though I wasn't invited to the rest. My friend's
daughter is getting married this summer, and I know a few people
that won't be invited to the whole shebang, but as they have
known her since she was wee, would like to go to just the
ceremony. But I don't think that will happen!
#Post#: 3304--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ceremony invitations to every person on Facebook
By: imc Date: May 23, 2018, 5:01 pm
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I’m Roman Catholic. And Italian. And I’ve gladly gone to see
former classmates or acquaitances getting married, without being
invited to the reception, although I never got the details from
FB posts, but always from mutual friends who were invited.
Years ago, people over here used to send a whole lot of people a
formal notice of their upcoming nuptials and people invited to
the reception got an extra little card with details to that. If
you only received an invitation to the cerimony, with no further
details, it was a given that you were not invited to the
reception, but etiquette still required to let people know you
were getting married (which also meant you’d be changing your
address and, for bride’s-to-be, your surname), because that was
the important part. It was actually considered tacky *not* to
send that notice, because it meant you were being stingy on
printing and mailing it.
Things have changed, nowadays, and I don’t think anyone sends
just the notice anymore, although many invite formats still give
the info for the reception on a separate card. But communication
has changed a lot, in the meantime: a physical address is not
the obvious way to keep in touch with a person anymore and
information travels much quicker. If you're getting married
sooner or later pictures will be posted and your FB friends will
know, whether you’ve given them the details boforehand or not
(and chances are you’ve been publicly counting down in some way
or other, so they’ll know about it beforehand anyways).
This leaves people who’d enjoy coming to the ceremony regardless
of whether food& booze are included in some sort of gray area.
But that’s what the grapevine’s for. If you care enough to go,
it’s more than probable that you’ll know someone who’s going and
has he details, so that info’s just one text away. An FB
announcement by the HC is, therefore, probably an overkill. But
in my culture it could probably avoid being considered outright
rude.
#Post#: 3391--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ceremony invitations to every person on Facebook
By: Bada Date: May 24, 2018, 9:18 am
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Thanks for the back up, Pattycake and imc. I'll stop feeling so
guilty when FB reminds me of this post, lol.
It is a little like modern day wedding bans or posting in the
newspaper, I suppose. A friend has told me that in her home
country there's no need for an invite at all, people just assume
they're invited to the ceremony and go.
Ellen's wedding invite is still problematic to me, though, due
to Reasons (that I chose not to share here...since there's no
etiquette question it just felt like gossip when I started
typing it out). But I won't be invited since I didn't see the
general request saying I (and everyone else) should PM her my
address. So I still think there might be some brimstone for
her, but it won't come from me. Mr.Bada has suggested we buy
something outlandish for them from the registry...just because
we can. I think we'll stick with one of the more traditional
items. ;)
#Post#: 3410--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ceremony invitations to every person on Facebook
By: DaDancingPsych Date: May 24, 2018, 11:36 am
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I have a dancing friend who FB invited dancing friends to her
wedding and the dancing at the end of the evening. The dinner
(held in between the two other activities) was clearly stated
for those who received actual invitations. Had I attended, I
would have felt obligated to bring a gift and likely pay for a
hotel room, AND figure out where I could eat in the middle of it
all.
#Post#: 3515--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ceremony invitations to every person on Facebook
By: Thitpualso Date: May 25, 2018, 9:54 am
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When I was a teenager the Catholic and mainstream Protestant
churches in our little town were open during the day for private
prayer. Weddings were also announced in the weekly local paper
that was published on Thursday afternoons. This led to a
Saturday entertainment we called ‘Seeing the Brides’.
A few friends and I would meet of Friday afternoon and set up a
schedule. Saturday morning we’d dress nicely (skirts and twin
sets), go to churches and sit quietly in one of the back pews to
see the Wedding parties and ceremonies. We weren’t the only ones
to do this. There was a group of older ladies we saw on a
regular basis.
Therefore, I see nothing wrong with announcing the time and
place of a Wedding ceremony of Facebook.
#Post#: 3743--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ceremony invitations to every person on Facebook
By: imc Date: May 28, 2018, 1:01 am
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[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=260.msg3410#msg3410
date=1527179809]
Had I attended, I would have felt obligated to bring a gift and
likely pay for a hotel room, AND figure out where I could eat in
the middle of it all.
[/quote]
That’s why I tend not to encourage these kind of invites, when
asked about it.
I’m MOH to a good friend this summer and since the groom’s
business has quite a few employees they’re planning on inviting
them just for the cake and dancing, which makes sense since
they’re all local and they couldn’t accommodate them all at the
reception. But I dissuaded the HC from adding a few out of town
acquaintances from this plan, arguing that they’d have had to
leave before dinner to make the trip and figure out where to eat
on the way.
Some of these people ended up being invited and some were cut.
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