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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 81015--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing all the work on Holidays
By: Aleko Date: March 5, 2024, 12:58 am
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[quote]My one child told me this past Christmas that he would
absolutely not be giving anything to them because they never
even give a verbal thank you.[/quote]
Wow. What rock did these people crawl out from under? I can’t
imagine being handed so much as a cheese straw without
automatically saying ‘Thank you’, and I imagine so would any
other reasonably-socialised person. The most charitable
assumption to make about this behaviour is that these people
don’t like or want an exchange of presents, and that continuing
to thrust presents on them is annoying and/or embarrassing to
them: so your child is quite right and polite to stop doing this
thing they clearly don’t like, IMO.
[quote]Those that take up the gauntlet and invite you to their
parties? Are true friends.[/quote]
Don’t you mean ‘take up the baton’? Taking up the gauntlet is a
hostile response to an hostile act!
#Post#: 81016--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing all the work on Holidays
By: Hmmm Date: March 5, 2024, 11:44 am
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If you really enjoy hosting a holiday in particular, pick it and
pass the others on to someone else.
For 15 plus years, between November to May we hosted Tday, a
bday dinner for my FIL in early Dec, Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, bday
dinner for MIL (Feb), bday party for son (Feb), Easter and then
Mother's Day (though DH did most of that work but I still did
most of the shopping and planning).
When the kids were young, it made sense for us to host with both
sides of the family. Guest numbers were anywhere from 12 to 32
and we enjoyed it and family members would contribute sides and
desserts.
About 8 years ago I started getting burned out and it was a big
thing in the family if we weren't hosting because of our home
size and location that was convenient for most*. I decided it
was best to start picking and choosing when I did want to host.
So any holiday where we aren't planning to host, I send out a
note well in advance. This year, I chose to not host anyone for
Xmas Eve, we took MIL out for her bday and we just sent an email
that we aren't planning to host Easter this year. FIL has passed
away and son is no longer at an age for a big family bday
dinner.
Last year we decided to go out of town for Tday so I sent notice
in early October.
We'll probably continue to host Xmas Day until one of our adult
kids decides they want to start hosting.
*In 2008, we were out of the country over Xmas. My sister's
asked if they could still have Xmas day at our house so even
when we weren't home, there was at least 12 people having dinner
there. We didn't mind at all... but just an illustration of the
mindset that holidays were at our house.
#Post#: 81018--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing all the work on Holidays
By: jpcher Date: March 5, 2024, 4:00 pm
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[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2589.msg81015#msg81015
date=1709621922]
[quote]
[quote]Those that take up the gauntlet and invite you to their
parties? Are true friends.[/quote]
Don’t you mean ‘take up the baton’? Taking up the gauntlet is a
hostile response to an hostile act!
[/quote]
Yes. Yes, I do. LOL! Thanks for catching that. ;D
#Post#: 81713--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing all the work on Holidays UPDATE
By: chigger Date: January 2, 2025, 1:45 pm
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Well, I told the one portion of the family that I was not "doing
Christmas" this year because I was exhausted from work. Which I
am. They took it well, told me to relax and get some rest. I did
have the rest of the family over, including my son's new
girlfriend, and we had a very wonderful time. Thank all of you
for giving me the strength to just say it! My husband was
worried that they would find out that we "did Christmas" without
them, but everyone knows not to post to social media at our
home, so they never have. First Christmas in a while that I've
completely enjoyed myself and didn't get bummed out!
#Post#: 81714--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing all the work on Holidays UPDATE
By: jpcher Date: January 2, 2025, 2:24 pm
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How awesome for you! It's wonderful to get back to the basic
no-stress holiday, isn't it.
I'm so happy for you that it all worked out and none of the
uninvited ones gave you strife.
Sometimes the worry about pleasing everyone destroys the
pleasure of the event. I'm glad that you let it go and did your
holiday the way you wanted to. Good for you!
Happy New Year . . . and happy new you! ;D
#Post#: 81715--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing all the work on Holidays UPDATE
By: Hmmm Date: January 2, 2025, 6:05 pm
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Way to go Chigger! Happy New Year.
#Post#: 81716--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing all the work on Holidays UPDATE
By: Aleko Date: January 3, 2025, 1:21 am
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Hooray! So glad to hear it. A happy new year to you, and us all!
#Post#: 81717--------------------------------------------------
Re: Doing all the work on Holidays UPDATE
By: lowspark Date: January 3, 2025, 11:10 am
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Good for you!
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