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#Post#: 80817--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nesting Parties
By: lowspark Date: January 8, 2024, 2:06 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2579.msg80815#msg80815
date=1704740218]
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2579.msg80790#msg80790
date=1704455070]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2579.msg80776#msg80776
date=1704394241]
I'd much rather spend time visiting as we work on a project than
playing games. But I'm also the type that prefers a gift of
service or time over a gift of things.
[/quote]
I'm actually rather torn by the idea. If the task is something
that I excel at, I would rather provide that as my gift. I'm
terrible at gift purchasing, especially because I'm not a
parent.
However, I'm the outlier, as I rather enjoy most of the baby
shower games. Maybe if they found a way to include these with
the work then I would be all in.
I'm rather disappointed that I declined... I now can't attend
and report back!
[/quote]
change your RSVP! Just for us!
[/quote]
;D Seconded.
#Post#: 80819--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nesting Parties
By: shadowfox79 Date: January 9, 2024, 1:51 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=LadyJaneinMD link=topic=2579.msg80809#msg80809
date=1704723574]
[quote author=shadowfox79 link=topic=2579.msg80803#msg80803
date=1704528183]
I suppose it was technically a party, in that MIL brought drinks
out for all the women and we stood there enjoying watching the
men wrestle with the huge dresser. ;D
But yes, I think I'd decline a nesting party. Doesn't sound like
my idea of a good time.
[/quote]
That sounds like a fun 'party'. Reminds me of when my father
bought the cast iron wood furnace (early 80s, I think). All of
our brothers were gone, except the youngest who was just a
child, so it was me and my sister helping him wrestle it into
the cellar. He had a good frame with block-and-tackle set up,
but it also helped that me and my sister were very strong young
women, not dainty by any stretch of imagination. Our mother
commented on that from porch(favorably), and for years our
little brother would say, 'That's my sister. Strong like ox'.
ROFL
[/quote]
Thinking about it now, my MIL called it a "party" when she and
the rest of my ILs helped DH and I move into our first home, and
that was one long day of putting beds together and moving
fridges into place.
Of course, we fully intended to get pizza for everyone
afterwards, and the only reason we didn't was that MIL called me
and asked me to grab fish and chips instead. The only reasonable
response to that is "What does everyone want?", so twenty
minutes later we were all in a circle eating fish and chips
while our grumpy cat was running back and forth going "OMGFISH!"
#Post#: 80820--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nesting Parties
By: NewHomeowner Date: January 9, 2024, 5:07 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=shadowfox79 link=topic=2579.msg80819#msg80819
date=1704786677]
[quote author=LadyJaneinMD link=topic=2579.msg80809#msg80809
date=1704723574]
[quote author=shadowfox79 link=topic=2579.msg80803#msg80803
date=1704528183]
I suppose it was technically a party, in that MIL brought drinks
out for all the women and we stood there enjoying watching the
men wrestle with the huge dresser. ;D
But yes, I think I'd decline a nesting party. Doesn't sound like
my idea of a good time.
[/quote]
That sounds like a fun 'party'. Reminds me of when my father
bought the cast iron wood furnace (early 80s, I think). All of
our brothers were gone, except the youngest who was just a
child, so it was me and my sister helping him wrestle it into
the cellar. He had a good frame with block-and-tackle set up,
but it also helped that me and my sister were very strong young
women, not dainty by any stretch of imagination. Our mother
commented on that from porch(favorably), and for years our
little brother would say, 'That's my sister. Strong like ox'.
ROFL
[/quote]
Thinking about it now, my MIL called it a "party" when she and
the rest of my ILs helped DH and I move into our first home, and
that was one long day of putting beds together and moving
fridges into place.
Of course, we fully intended to get pizza for everyone
afterwards, and the only reason we didn't was that MIL called me
and asked me to grab fish and chips instead. The only reasonable
response to that is "What does everyone want?", so twenty
minutes later we were all in a circle eating fish and chips
while our grumpy cat was running back and forth going "OMGFISH!"
[/quote]
I think the whole point is that anything done with friends is
fun, even work stuff. I'd always call that a party.
BUT...as other posters mentioned, you don't invite 20 people to
a party like that - it's more for the few people who would call
on you for help as well. Not random people. Back in my 'poor'
days, I often had moving parties. They always ended in food and
drink, sitting in a room full of boxes.
#Post#: 80828--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nesting Parties
By: DaDancingPsych Date: January 10, 2024, 11:38 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=lowspark link=topic=2579.msg80817#msg80817
date=1704744392]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2579.msg80815#msg80815
date=1704740218]
[quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2579.msg80790#msg80790
date=1704455070]
[quote author=Hmmm link=topic=2579.msg80776#msg80776
date=1704394241]
I'd much rather spend time visiting as we work on a project than
playing games. But I'm also the type that prefers a gift of
service or time over a gift of things.
[/quote]
I'm actually rather torn by the idea. If the task is something
that I excel at, I would rather provide that as my gift. I'm
terrible at gift purchasing, especially because I'm not a
parent.
However, I'm the outlier, as I rather enjoy most of the baby
shower games. Maybe if they found a way to include these with
the work then I would be all in.
I'm rather disappointed that I declined... I now can't attend
and report back!
[/quote]
change your RSVP! Just for us!
[/quote]
;D Seconded.
[/quote]
Sadly? Luckily? The party has passed. I guess I should track
down that guest list and see who can fill us in! ;D
The word party would not bother me in certain situations, like
when I know that they are using it in a funny way. "Can you stop
by on Saturday to help me organize a few things? We'll make it a
party!!! HAHA <wink wink>" But I agree that in this situation
where there is an invitation that went out that the tone isn't
that the parents are being funny. They are simply failing to
acknowledge that what they are requesting is really a favor. In
this case, I don't think that they are being malicious. I think
that they are not simply thinking through what their actions are
really saying.
#Post#: 80845--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nesting Parties
By: ABL Date: January 13, 2024, 12:23 am
---------------------------------------------------------
No... Just No. This wasn't a "Curated List" of their closest
family & friends. They definitely confused Shower Invites vs
Nesting Invites.
If it's a "Party", I would rather have drinks & cake/dessert to
'get together & chat'. There doesn't need to be games, just a
group visit with some background music.
Instead of gifts, if they want "Acts of Service"?
Advance Meal Prep: Request that everyone coming to the party
bring 3-7 days worth of family size freezer meals (with a recipe
& instructions, to reheat as needed), preferably in recyclable
containers (so they don't have to worry about returning them).
I can make multiple meals, over a few different days, easily at
my own home with all of the correct equipment (including all the
items that make prep go quickly) & ingredients vs. trying to
"make do" in someone else's 'Non Cooking/Understocked' Kitchen.
IMO, most people don't have the extra
space/equipment/dishes/cookware/bakeware for multiple people to
cook/prep multiple meals at the same time.
Cleaning & Organizing: Request a financial
contribution/donation towards the cost of hiring a House Cleaner
&/or a Professional Organizer.
Professionals can come in & do a deep clean of the whole house,
along with any laundry & whatever organization needs to be done.
It will take them considerably less time & it's all completely
done in a few hours or days.
IMO, this isn't something you should be asking anyone but paid
professionals OR people you have a very close personal
relationship with, because you don't ask acquaintances to do
your chores (Seriously, 🤬?! I don't want to do my own
chores & it's my stuff.).
On the other hand, I would happily give $ towards paying a
professional (a full house deep clean ~$400-$500) & would gift
$50-$100 (depending on my relationship to the person), because I
think gifting someone money toward paying someone else to do
their chores for them is nice & acceptable (I know, this is
slightly weird logic).
DIY • Decorating: If they want the room painted or wallpapered,
hire a contractor or ask specific friend(s)/family member(s) who
are experienced/good/enjoy this type of DIY project.
if you want your wallpaper to look really nice, then you make
sure whoever is doing it has a decent amount of experience
hanging wallpaper. Even cheap wallpaper is expensive & it's not
a first time/figure it out DIY when it's someone else's home.
This can easily become a multi day project, depending on the
room size & type used.
if you have to paint trim, walls, & ceiling it's going to take
more than 1 day & IMO it's not something that should be done
with a houseful of people anyway... it smells, plus no real
visiting, just people repeatedly distracting you so it takes
longer. Plus, inexperienced painters can cause more work (paint
on/in places it's not supposed to be, uneven coverage, drips,
etc.). I can prep & paint a bedroom in less than 2 days (allow
for dry time if doing walls, ceiling, trim, doors, & windows),
but I'm experienced, pretty quick, & own all of the correct
tools/equipment. BUT... There are very few people in my life
that I would offer to paint for... EVER. This would NOT qualify
(per your description of the relationship).
DIY: If they need a crib or other furniture/baby related items
assembled, they should specifically ask their 'Handy Friend',
who can come with all the correct tools/equipment, when no one
else is around (to distract, interrupt, cause problems trying to
'help', &/or in general, get in the way). Same with hanging
curtains, pictures, or other decor.
Baby Safety: Car seats should be installed by the Police or
Fire Department/Community Health Department (whoever does it in
that area), to make sure it's installed correctly. They can
also make sure that they understand the specifics on how to
adjust the straps, etc. when necessary.
#Post#: 80846--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nesting Parties
By: Aleko Date: January 13, 2024, 3:30 am
---------------------------------------------------------
ABL has made an excellent point that we’ve all been missing up
to now: inviting a random bunch of people, many of whom will
know each other only slightly or not at all, to one’s home for
an event that’s supposed to mix socialising with doing chores,
is clearly a recipe for disaster. If many people accept, they
will all be climbing over each other. Anyone who does a chore
will do it in their own way, which will not necessarily be the
hosts’ preferred way - and be quite reasonably peeved if the
hosts complain or correct them: ‘if you’re so fussy you should
have either paid someone or done it yourself!’. People assigned
a task they don’t like will either ignore it and muscle in on
the job they prefer and interfere with it, or just sulk. Others
will simply settle down to socialise while others work around
them. I really don’t think much work will get done, and there’s
an excellent chance that afterwards the hosts will have to undo
at least some of what did get done.
#Post#: 80847--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nesting Parties
By: shadowfox79 Date: January 13, 2024, 3:44 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Aleko link=topic=2579.msg80846#msg80846
date=1705138244]
ABL has made an excellent point that we’ve all been missing up
to now: inviting a random bunch of people, many of whom will
know each other only slightly or not at all, to one’s home for
an event that’s supposed to mix socialising with doing chores,
is clearly a recipe for disaster. If many people accept, they
will all be climbing over each other. Anyone who does a chore
will do it in their own way, which will not necessarily be the
hosts’ preferred way - and be quite reasonably peeved if the
hosts complain or correct them: ‘if you’re so fussy you should
have either paid someone or done it yourself!’. People assigned
a task they don’t like will either ignore it and muscle in on
the job they prefer and interfere with it, or just sulk. Others
will simply settle down to socialise while others work around
them. I really don’t think much work will get done, and there’s
an excellent chance that afterwards the hosts will have to undo
at least some of what did get done.
[/quote]
I agree, that's a very good point. In the two incidences I
mentioned above, both "parties" were family-only, so it was
easier to manage - my MIL immediately took charge and gave
people tasks, and everyone fell into line. Inviting a mixed
group of friends is much more likely to be a catastrophe.
#Post#: 80890--------------------------------------------------
Re: Nesting Parties
By: Gellchom Date: January 26, 2024, 2:28 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Rural communities used to have barn-raisings, right? And
quilting bees, etc. Those were hard work.
I guess it depends if it's a community custom, so everyone takes
there turns helping and being helped, with jobs that are hard to
do all by yourself.
So I think I'd feel better about this in a context like that, or
otherwise just a very small group of close friends and family
doing one or two relatively pleasant projects, like maybe
painting one room or assembling nursery furniture and toys.
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