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#Post#: 80712--------------------------------------------------
Is it just me?
By: shadowfox79 Date: December 28, 2023, 1:14 am
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I met up with a friend, "Hannah", just before Christmas and she
made a remark which made me raise my eyebrows just a little.
Hannah is lovely, but drives me mad with her complete refusal to
book things. If she wants to go to a play, she will wait until
the last possible second to book a ticket. When we were
arranging to meet, I suggested we book a table since it was
likely to be busy, and she insisted on a place that doesn't take
bookings. She seems to be allergic to any form of planning.
While we were talking, I mentioned I was going to a musical in
London next year. She expressed interest in joining me. I
suggested she might want to get a ticket ASAP if she was going
to, as it was selling out already.
"Oh, I like to wait before booking tickets in case something
better comes along."
Um, excuse me?
I accept that if she wants to do this when it's just her, that's
her business. But I can't help thinking that when you're talking
about making plans with a friend, telling them you're waiting
for a better offer is just a little rude.
Is it just me?
And if anyone's wondering, I'll be making my own travel plans to
the show without reference to her. I'm not waiting until the
last minute to book train tickets.
#Post#: 80713--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it just me?
By: Aleko Date: December 28, 2023, 3:13 am
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I’m with you all the way. If people just don’t like to commit
themselves in advance and want to remain free to act on a
last-minute whim, that’s their privilege - provided that (a)
they accept that this stance will often exclude them from their
friends’ social activities, and (b) they don’t whine when their
lovely spontaneous desire to do a thing is balked by its having
been sold out months ago.
If she had said something like “I can’t know now if I’ll be in
the mood for that on 4th April”, that’s annoying; but OK, it’s
just Hannah being Hannah and at least you know where you stand.
But saying that one won’t commit to an activity with a friend
because something better might come along is, yes, just plain
rude.
If she’s a good enough friend, it would be reasonable (and
perhaps a kindness) to say to her ‘Hannah, I know you didn’t
mean to offend, but do just take a moment to consider what a
rude thing you just said”, rather than just seething. But you
know her and your friendship with her, we don’t!
#Post#: 80715--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it just me?
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: December 28, 2023, 6:01 pm
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I agree with you. I am not asking her to marry me. Just don't
make me go to the trouble of going someplace (like a play), only
to be turned away.
#Post#: 80717--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it just me?
By: Rho Date: December 28, 2023, 9:38 pm
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Maybe the better thing she was refering to was the play and not
spending time with you???
#Post#: 80718--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it just me?
By: shadowfox79 Date: December 29, 2023, 1:55 am
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Thanks, everyone.
I was wondering in part because I'm the complete opposite of her
in this regard - if I want to see a play I will sign up to
pre-sale links, put release dates in my phone and be right there
on the dot to buy the tickets, because then I know I'll get the
date and price I want (as was proven when I saw Kenneth Branagh
in "King Lear" and people were complaining tickets were going
for £200 - mine was nowhere near that price and still had a good
view). It drives me mad when I'm trying to make plans with her
and she will flat-out refuse to book anything until a couple of
days beforehand, if that. "Oh, there'll be plenty of tickets
left!" she'll say, and then we end up sitting behind a pillar
because the only other seats left cost a fortune.
If she does decide she wants to see that show in June she's
welcome to join me, but I can't guarantee we'll be on the same
train (or coach, I haven't decided yet) because I'll be getting
advance tickets as soon as they go on sale.
#Post#: 80719--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it just me?
By: DaDancingPsych Date: December 29, 2023, 5:54 am
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shadowfox79, I am sorry that Hannah responded so rudely to you.
You know her better than all of us and it's quite possible that
she meant "in case we find a better play" rather than "in case
someone I like better wants to do something". I also believe
that it's very possible that she does not realize what she said
or how she comes across, so it would be a kindness to point this
out to her. I also believe that you are wise to not hold off
your plans for her. It's possible that if she gets locked out of
doing a few things that she might wise up... or maybe she won't.
But you should not suffer from her unwillingness to commit.
Personally, I guess I am a blend of the two of you. If I am
making plans with others, I want those tickets locked in and
would prefer that all of the logistics be worked out. However,
if the plan is to go solo, I will hold off until the last
minute. It's less about better plans and more that my life is
full and that locking myself into something could mean that I
have to forgo the price because I can't attend or I end up
complicating my life because free time is a luxury that I often
give up for more urgent matters. I will say that if it something
likely to sell out and I REALLY want to go, then I don't
hesitate.
Either way, I would use this information about Hannah to your
advantage. I would not invite her to things unless I am willing
to deal with her waiting until the last minute. In some cases,
that may be just fine... in others, that might mean that she's
not the right person to attend with.
#Post#: 80720--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it just me?
By: Rose Red Date: December 29, 2023, 9:53 am
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I think you need to stop planning activities with her for things
that need a ticket. There are people in my life that I can make
long term plans and others that I can't. I care about them all
equally, but know I need to deal with them differently.
#Post#: 80729--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it just me?
By: holly firestorm Date: December 30, 2023, 5:19 pm
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I agree that there are some people you just don't make long term
plans with. I have a friend I love to go to the movies and
museum exhibitions with. But, sometimes she does put off making
a decision. If I wait for her when she does this, I might end up
missing the movie or exhibition. So, I'll wait a little, remind
her, then make my own plans if she can't commit. Of course,
sometimes I can't make the decision about when to go myself and
miss the movie or exhibit anyway.
#Post#: 80734--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it just me?
By: shadowfox79 Date: December 31, 2023, 3:44 am
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What I've just realised is that it tends to be Hannah who does
the inviting when we're talking about plays. When I want to see
one, I book a ticket and plan to go by myself - I never invite
other people because then I would have to compromise on dates,
times and so forth. So it's Hannah who will be all "Oh, let's go
and see this!" and then take forever to make a decision to
actually buy the tickets.
So it's even odder to me that she insists on leaving it to the
last minute, since it's generally her idea to begin with. The
one I'm going to in London, I've already got my ticket for -
whether she will decide to get one is open to question (but I
doubt she will).
#Post#: 80735--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is it just me?
By: sms Date: December 31, 2023, 10:14 am
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It wouldn't sit right with me either. I wouldn't chase them for
an answer or a decision, sometimes people have to be left in the
dust.
Of course it doesn't mean you're writing her off as a friend but
I would feel like a back up, a plan B.
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