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#Post#: 80367--------------------------------------------------
The etiquette of not giving out your phone number
By: jpcher Date: October 28, 2023, 9:29 pm
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I attended a bday party for my BIL today and there were a
handful of guests that I haven't seen in years. They were all
friends of my LDH and BIL before I met them, so I married into
this group. It was really good to see them all again and catch
up with what's new and talk about the good times back in the
day.
Patti -- was in the secondary circle of friends that LDH and I
used to hang out with. She was there frequently, but not all the
time. It's been maybe 10 years since I've seen her at another
bday party.
Tanya -- was in the third, maybe even fourth circle. She was
rarely at group gatherings, but whenever she attended a
gathering, I enjoyed her company . . . except for one thing.
It's been maybe 20 years since I've seen her.
Patti and Tanya are very close friends. They've known each other
for 40+ years.
The one thing I never cared for about Tanya is that she is
always a talker. I mean non-stop. She'll ask you a question, you
give a short answer and then she'll go on and on about "I know
what you mean, this happened to me" blah, blah, blah.
DD#2 arrived at the party and there was Tanya. I mean we didn't
even get two feet in the door. DD#2 was behind me, her back up
against the door.
Tanya: HI! I'm Tanya!
Me: I know! I'm JPcher!
Tanya: I know! I remember you! (gives hugs) Soooo good seeing
you again! (she took a breath, but before she could continue . .
.)
I turned to DD#2 and introduced her: "This is my daughter DD#2"
Tanya: OMG! I haven't seen you since 1996! (DD#2 was two yrs
old). I remember a party . . . the pool table . . . I had such a
good time! Blah, blah, blah.
I finally interrupted her before she could continue "Great to
see you again, but we need to say hi to everyone else, we'll
catch up later." Mind you, we were still just steps inside the
doorway. DD#2 was trapped behind me. (Small entrance way.)
The party went on, I did sit with both Tanya and Patti for a bit
(Tanya did most of the talking about her life and I seriously
don't think she heard a word I said about mine) but I moved on
in order to talk to other guests.
Maybe a long-winded background, but I think it might be
pertinent to my topic question.
At one point during the party, I was walking between rooms and
Tanya shouted out "JPcher!" So I walked over to where Tanya and
Patti were sitting.
Tanya said "Give me your cell phone number, I'd love to keep in
touch!"
I said I don't have a cell phone, (stammered a bit) I don't keep
it turned on (true).
Tanya: Do you still have a landline? (I nodded) OH! I do too, I
think a landline is important! My husband was choking one time,
blah blah blah. The landline was a life saver for him blah blah
blah.
Me: looking around the room for an out.
Patti: Don't tell me you still have the same number! And she
rattled it off while Tanya typed it into her cell phone.
So, now I'm expecting phone calls from Tanya that I really don't
want.
She's a sweet lady, but overpowering with chit-chat and not
really someone that I want to keep in touch with other than the
rare party when I see her.
What would you do? Or, is there something that I could have done
differently?
More importantly, when she calls, would you answer? Ever? If you
do, what would you say in order to get her to stop calling?
#Post#: 80368--------------------------------------------------
Re: The etiquette of not giving out your phone number
By: Rho Date: October 28, 2023, 9:46 pm
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No contact with Tanya in 20 years? What are the odds she will
start calling you? I ran into someone I hadn't seen in 10-15
years and we exchanged phone #'s and decided we would attend
pubic library programs together. Gorsh it's been a few months
and I just haven't heard from her. Some folks are sincere in
the moment but lose interest later.
#Post#: 80370--------------------------------------------------
Re: The etiquette of not giving out your phone number
By: Aleko Date: October 29, 2023, 4:43 am
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If Tanya behaved like this with you, the chances are that she
behaves like this whenever she meets pretty much anyone she knew
slightly 20 years ago and has never made any effort to contact
in the interim. I agree with Rho that the chances of her
following this up are pretty low. If she ever does, in your
place I would certainly not answer unless I really wanted to
talk to her.
There wasn’t really anything much you could have done
differently, given that Patti took it on herself to give her
your number. That of course was really shocking bad behaviour.
There you were right there, being asked for it, and she took it
on herself to pre-empt your decision whether to give it out or
not. If she had only kept her big mouth shut, you could have
given Tanya a slightly-wrong version, say reversing a couple of
digits, which would have kept everything friendly at the time
and ensured she couldn’t actually pester you with friendship
later. It’s weaselly, I know, but soft soap has its uses!
As you now know that Patti has no qualms about handing out your
phone number, it’s your choice whether you think it worth
mentioning to her that you really, really don’t like anyone
doing that, and saying that if any mutual acquaintances want to
get in touch with you the thing she ought to do is to pass their
request, and their number, on to you, so you can decide if you
for your part want to be in touch with them.
#Post#: 80371--------------------------------------------------
Re: The etiquette of not giving out your phone number
By: sandisadie Date: October 29, 2023, 10:51 am
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I like what Aleko has to say about this problem of others giving
out my phone # without my permission. I also have a land line.
I do have a cell phone, but only use it occasionally. I almost
always give out my land line # instead of the cell #. I agree
also that this woman will probably not contact you because she
acts with others just like she did with you. If you
accidentally take a call from her then you can talk for a short
while and then, all of a sudden, you have to answer the door or
attend to something on the stove that has just boiled over, etc.
Make sure that you write down her # so you can watch for it in
the future and not answer.
#Post#: 80372--------------------------------------------------
Re: The etiquette of not giving out your phone number
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: October 29, 2023, 11:38 am
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I also have a landline and a cell. On the cell, caller ID will
only show up if I have that number in my directory. On the
landline, caller ID shows up and that is why I am far more
likely to give out the landline number to people that I want to
screen the call.
Patti was out of line, but I wouldn't know how to address that.
Now there is a very good chance that Tanya won't actually call,
but quite frankly, I wouldn't count on it. Tanya is the
relentless kind of talker who, if she is unable to connect with
her regular calls, will start scrolling through her directory
for someone, anyone, to call and talk to. Good luck.
#Post#: 80375--------------------------------------------------
Re: The etiquette of not giving out your phone number
By: Lkdrymom Date: October 29, 2023, 3:25 pm
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How do you politely tell someone you don't want to give out your
phone number to them? Accidentally transpose two numbers maybe?
When my kids became young adults (early 20s) they basically cut
back on contact with my ex and his family. My son especially.
He did invite a few from the family to his wedding but only one
uncle and cousin actually showed up. I was chatting with his
aunt over FB messenger and she told me she wanted to send a gift
to son and wanted his address. He had just bought his first
home so no one knew where he lived. I told her to hang on while
I checked to make sure it was ok to give that info out and she
was highly offended. I got permission to give it to her but told
her she was not to give it out to others. No gift ever showed
up and I haven't heard from her since. My son has a cousin who
tends to visit people and things go missing so he did not want
her finding out where he lived. This is a really hard
situation...how do you tell someone you don't want them to have
your contact info?
#Post#: 80376--------------------------------------------------
Re: The etiquette of not giving out your phone number
By: Meg1079 Date: October 29, 2023, 4:53 pm
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Not quite the same thing, but at my work we aren't allowed to
give out phone numbers. Maybe next time say, "I don't like
giving out my phone number, let me get your contact information
and I'll reach out to you." I don't mind giving out my phone
number because my cell phone has caller ID, voice mail (if it's
urgent they can leave me a message) and I can also block callers
who are getting too annoying.
#Post#: 80379--------------------------------------------------
Re: The etiquette of not giving out your phone number
By: Aleko Date: October 30, 2023, 1:57 am
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[quote]Patti was out of line, but I wouldn't know how to address
that.[/quote]
Something along these lines, perhaps?
“Patti, I’m really quite protective of my phone number. Family
and good friends like you have it, of course, but I don’t
readily give it out to anybody else. If any old acquaintances
ask you for it, please don’t just give it to them without my
say-so; instead, just let me know they’re wanting to get back in
touch.”
That makes clear that Patti is part of a cherished special
group, which should take any sting out of the request.
#Post#: 80381--------------------------------------------------
Re: The etiquette of not giving out your phone number
By: DaDancingPsych Date: October 30, 2023, 8:25 am
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I usually do give out my contact details in this situation.
Unfortunately, the internet knows enough about me that someone
searching could probably find something anyways. If they did
attempt to contact me (and as pointed out, they usually don't),
then I could decide if I was going to return the call. I think
that it's perfectly fine to redirect to your preferred mode of
contact. Maybe giving your carrier pigeon ID mind send home the
message? ;D
I wonder if something like the following might work? "I usually
don't give out my phone number. My schedule is typically very
busy and I am terrible at returning calls."
Either way, I think that you did the best that you could in this
situation. Pooey on Patti for giving it out without your
permission!
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