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#Post#: 78899--------------------------------------------------
"I Want to Have a Change, As Long as Everything Stays the S
ame--Also, New Hire is Creepy"
By: ZekailleTasker Date: March 10, 2023, 1:51 pm
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Cannot believe I am writing this. Another missive on a staff
member who is suddenly "uncomfortable" because of a colleague's
actions.
This time it's two guys.
Today we received instructions from on high to read a policy
based on conduct issues and everyone had to sign a form
acknowledging that they read it. (Amusing side note: the item
reached my desk around noon. The writer requests that they
receive the items back no later than 10 a.m.--this morning.
Because that won't happen.) We all read and signed and laughed
about it and the fact that it arrived after the return period
was already up. This is, by the way, par for the course.
Rex, age 57, is the lowest man on the totem pole. He basically
shelves books, keeps an eye on supplies and helps with random
projects. When he was a teen, he was in a car accident that
caused brain damage. I don't pretend to know what it did
exactly, but Rex has self-esteem issues, anxiety issues,
confusion issues, paranoia issues and so forth. (If I may be
allowed a moment of macabre humor, Rex doesn't have issues.
Rex has several full subscriptions.) If he sees me talking to a
colleague, he assumes something awful is in the wind. Will he
be fired? Is something awful about to happen? Plus, he has to
be told at least once a week what a good job he is doing. This
is no lie. Rex may not have the top job, but he is really good
at what he does. We would be up a creek without him.
After hearing about and reading the policy, Rex is very
reluctant to admit he has read it. He also wandered around,
muttering under his breath that HE didn't engage in any of the
behaviors involved in that letter and he shouldn't have to sign
it anyway.
Enter Max. Max is in his early 30s, lives with his parents, has
few friends and is shy to the point of terror. I think that's
why he was transferred to me. The other library branch he was in
was huge and always full of many patrons. It wasn't working out
at the big library. He's a librarian, Very Cute (our female
patrons certainly think so) and as long as he has a script to go
with, he has no trouble working with the public. He is also
excellent at what he does and has taken some of the burden off
me. BUT, off the desk, he doesn't talk much and has been known
to go into what can only be described as fugue states. (Or
"tharn" if you have read Watership Down.)
Max will suddenly stop dead like a broken toy and stare into
space at something only he can see. Basically, he is
processing something in his mind and when that happens, it
doesn't matter where he is, he just comes to a full stop and
appears to be staring.
Today Rex informs me he wants to be transferred because "I need
a change as long as everything I do stays the same." He finally
admitted that Max makes him nervous and because Max doesn't talk
much, especially not to him, and because Max is always "staring
at him", he doesn't want to be around him. I DID explain that
Max is shy in the extreme and that he isn't staring at Rex, he's
staring at something in his brain.
Rex isn't having it. Max makes him nervous, and he wants to go
to another branch. I told him I would get in touch with both
the manager of the branch he wants AND the director and I would
see what I can do. It's a letdown as Rex is the platinum
standard by which all others in his job category are judged.
In the meanwhile, do I say anything to Max? He has made a great
deal of progress and is very professional in his duties, but
when he is off the clock, he does seem to withdraw like a hermit
crab into a shell. Personally, I believe that as long as he is
doing his job and doing it well, bringing up his little quirks
is counterproductive.
Meanwhile, I am wondering how to (or whether) to convince
another branch manager to take on Rex. Or if I am going to have
to have an fight with Rex about the situation. I doubt that
sitting them down together is going to change Rex's mind. And I
don't see how I can say to Max "Please talk to Rex and smile
whenever you see him. And avoid going into tharn when you are
near him. It freaks him out."
I am going to speak with another of my colleagues who has dealth
with this sort of thing, but honestly? I am regretting having
to change my retirement date back to December.
#Post#: 78901--------------------------------------------------
Re: "I Want to Have a Change, As Long as Everything Stays t
he Same--Also, New Hire is Creepy"
By: jpcher Date: March 11, 2023, 9:39 am
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As I was reading this I kept thinking "You got this ZT, only a
couple of months left before you retire" . . . then came the
zinger at the end.
How long has Rex worked for you? It sounds like he's a person
who doesn't take well to changes in his routine.
It sounds, from your post, that Rex has one preferred different
site to work at. Curious as to why he mentioned that site
specifically. Is the Max thing maybe a red herring for his
reason to leave his current site? Maybe he has been looking for
a reason to leave your site and move elsewhere.
I understand that Rex is an extremely valued employee, and as
such you should do whatever is best for him. Maybe suggest that
he spend some off-hour time in the new location so that he could
see in-person how the position on that site is ran.
Have him go through an interview process just so that he is
fully aware of what his new duties will be.
And, no, I don't think you should talk to Max unless his actions
effect/are problematic with more than just Rex.
My thoughts on these types of situations are never really good
because I'm not in a managerial position, but I think talking to
your colleagues, along with talking to the manager and director
of the different site is a great way to start.
Good luck and please keep us posted! ;D
#Post#: 78902--------------------------------------------------
Re: "I Want to Have a Change, As Long as Everything Stays t
he Same--Also, New Hire is Creepy"
By: oogyda Date: March 11, 2023, 10:40 am
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You specifically asked if you should say anything to Max.
My answer is NO. If Max is not doing anything wrong, as in work
procedures or policies, you would only be making matters worse.
Rex "finally admitted" (?) he has issues with Max. You would be
violating the trust he reluctantly placed in you and it's just
not something a grown person should be doing.
#Post#: 78903--------------------------------------------------
Re: "I Want to Have a Change, As Long as Everything Stays t
he Same--Also, New Hire is Creepy"
By: Aleko Date: March 11, 2023, 12:50 pm
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Totally agree with Jpcher.
Even setting aside whether you have the right to share the
information, talking to Max can't realistically help but only do
harm - because he's probably quite unable to control his tharn,
and knowing the effect it has on another can only exacerbate his
anxiety and cause him to act awkwardly and unnaturally around
Rex.
And suggesting to Rex that before formally requesting a move to
this other location he just spends some time there, shadowing
one or more of his potential new colleagues and just getting a
feel for the place, is absolutely the best plan. This will buy
you all time, because that'll take at least a few days to set
up. Maybe Rex will get over his worry about Max. Maybe when he
tries out the new location he'll feel it more threateningly
different than he now imagines it will be, and decide that even
if he's still worried about Max he'd rather stick with the devil
he knows. And if he decides, after having properly got to know
it, that he feels more comfortable in the new location, then
it's plainly the best thing for him, even if it's a pain for
you.
#Post#: 78904--------------------------------------------------
Re: "I Want to Have a Change, As Long as Everything Stays t
he Same--Also, New Hire is Creepy"
By: Bada Date: March 11, 2023, 11:46 pm
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I only recently learned absence seizures are a thing. You don't
think this could be what Max is experiencing, do you?
[quote]5. Absence Seizures
Absence seizures don’t look at all like a seizure portrayed on
television. In fact, they can be so benign that they’re
sometimes confused with a person simply daydreaming, explains
the Epilepsy Foundation.
This type of seizure, also called a “petit mal” seizure, causes
the patient to blank out or stare into space for a short period
of time. The person won’t be aware they’re having the episode,
but they will immediately recover. You may be able to identify
an absence seizure if the patient’s eyelids are fluttering (from
rapid blinking) or if they are smacking their lips or making
chewing movements. The episodes usually subside within
10-seconds.[/quote]
HTML https://activebeat.com/your-health/7-different-kinds-of-seizures-and-their-symptoms/5/?utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google_search_network&utm_campaign=AB_GGL_US_MOBI-REBOOT&utm_content=g_m_495858596069&utm_term=types+of+epilepsy+and+symptoms&placement=kwd-298670297745&utm_acid=2456153964&utm_caid=12229793966&utm_agid=116927670613&utm_os=&utm_pagetype=var-multi&device=m&gclid=Cj0KCQiA6rCgBhDVARIsAK1kGPKLbFA7H3v8m2NbrVH-iFvBxIOxrG6FG5ZgF6oZePqIq6mSuMtpKzQaAm6eEALw_wcB
#Post#: 79045--------------------------------------------------
Re: "I Want to Have a Change, As Long as Everything Stays t
he Same--Also, New Hire is Creepy"
By: jpcher Date: March 28, 2023, 3:29 pm
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Any updates? Curious as to how you handled the situation.
#Post#: 79063--------------------------------------------------
Re: "I Want to Have a Change, As Long as Everything Stays t
he Same--Also, New Hire is Creepy"
By: ZekailleTasker Date: March 30, 2023, 12:16 pm
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Bada,
THAT sounds both appalling and fascinating! That is exactly
what happens with Max. And if true, it would explain a lot.
Jpcher et al: I spoke with my colleague about the possible
transfer of Rex and she told me "No". She had been assigned a
person for the job Rex would do. It's a "plum" assignment:
that is, the person taking the job is either a friend of
relative of someone in the political stratosphere. He's MUCH
older, retired and "looking for something to do." I am guessing
but would not be surprised to learn that he asked for that
library in particular because he lives nearby. And since it is
a political appointment for that particular branch, it's not
like he and Rex can trade. My colleague was also pretty adamant
that she already has two prima donnas on her staff and she
doesn't need a third needy person. (I did not share that part
with Rex.)
Rex was understanding. He also now says it isn't Max that
bothers him. Now it's "I have a plan in my head for
self-improvement and switching venues seems like a good way to
do it." ??? I have no idea how that works, but a lot of Rex's
logic is beyond inscrutable. He spoke on the topic for five
minutes and was all over the place. He asked if he could go to
another branch where another former staff member works and I
told him I would look into it.
And I will, but my plan is to tell that colleague "just say no"
as they also have a bunch of divas to deal with. Meanwhile I am
looking to find things that are in Rex's wheel house of skills.
He's our official book runner (he can find a book faster than
any of us because he knows where they all are) and the patrons
love to walk up to him and say "I need--" and Rex is off like a
shot. I'm going to put him on craft cut out detail, too:
cutting shapes from construction paper for various projects we
share with the kids. The craft overseer and I usually do this,
but arthritis is making it tough for both of us (and she is
twenty five years my junior!)
Personally, I suspect Rex's physician is switching up his meds
again. Every time they try him on new and improved medications,
he goes pear shaped for a few weeks. The staff were asking me
earlier if "Rex's doctor upped his drugs" because he's been
acting so strangely.
Meanwhile, Max, who never asks for a thing, is struggling with
city hall over new sick leave policies. (read: city hall is
enforcing policies and codes that have been in place forever but
were only given lip service.
But SOMEONE either abused the lip service--again, would not be
at ALL surprised--and now everyone who usually crosses their Ts
and dots their is has to suffer for it. I can guarantee that
whoever got caught being a bad little sick-leave taker got a
slap on the wrist and will continue to take advantage.)
Somedays I regret no having children. Other days, I realize I
have half a dozen kids and some of them are my age. ;D
#Post#: 79287--------------------------------------------------
Re: "I Want to Have a Change, As Long as Everything Stays t
he Same--Also, New Hire is Creepy"
By: jazzgirl205 Date: May 13, 2023, 8:26 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Bada link=topic=2473.msg78904#msg78904
date=1678599971]
I only recently learned absence seizures are a thing. You don't
think this could be what Max is experiencing, do you?
[quote]5. Absence Seizures
Absence seizures don’t look at all like a seizure portrayed on
television. In fact, they can be so benign that they’re
sometimes confused with a person simply daydreaming, explains
the Epilepsy Foundation.
This type of seizure, also called a “petit mal” seizure, causes
the patient to blank out or stare into space for a short period
of time. The person won’t be aware they’re having the episode,
but they will immediately recover. You may be able to identify
an absence seizure if the patient’s eyelids are fluttering (from
rapid blinking) or if they are smacking their lips or making
chewing movements. The episodes usually subside within
10-seconds.[/quote]
HTML https://activebeat.com/your-health/7-different-kinds-of-seizures-and-their-symptoms/5/?utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google_search_network&utm_campaign=AB_GGL_US_MOBI-REBOOT&utm_content=g_m_495858596069&utm_term=types+of+epilepsy+and+symptoms&placement=kwd-298670297745&utm_acid=2456153964&utm_caid=12229793966&utm_agid=116927670613&utm_os=&utm_pagetype=var-multi&device=m&gclid=Cj0KCQiA6rCgBhDVARIsAK1kGPKLbFA7H3v8m2NbrVH-iFvBxIOxrG6FG5ZgF6oZePqIq6mSuMtpKzQaAm6eEALw_wcB
[/quote]
This is what I was thinking. I had this in grammar school and
high school. I was always getting in trouble for not paying
attention or finishing my classwork on time. I couldn't follow
the assignments because there were gaps in what the teacher
said. The other children made horrible fun of me. I wasn't
diagnosed until I was 12 when I actually had a grande mal
seizure. This didn't stop until I was in my late 20s.
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