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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 78553--------------------------------------------------
Re: Just don’t tell your guests you’re doing it for THEIR
benefit
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: January 30, 2023, 10:58 am
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--- Quote from: DaDancingPsych link ---
>
> Cash bars. I have seen cash bars being presented as "for your
convenience". You can't fool me; you just didn't want to pay for
the alcohol. That's fine, as it can be quite expensive and many
parties / gatherings don't require it. But then just don't have
an alcoholic bar. Offer the beverages that you can afford.
>
--- End Quote ---
I might mildly disagree with you here, especially if the hosts
do provide wine and beer, or maybe a signature cocktail.
There ARE guests who by gum want to drink what THEY want, and a
lot of it. And they'll bitch about it. So an open bar shuts them
up, and the hosts are still offering hospitality.
#Post#: 78554--------------------------------------------------
Re: Just don’t tell your guests you’re doing it for THEIR
benefit
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: January 30, 2023, 11:04 am
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I don't know if this is the same.
I cooked Christmas dinner; one of the cousins has celiac (as do
I) and has other restrictions (no onion or garlic family, no
vinegar, no dairy...).
I was planning the menu and asked her to tell me what she
couldn't eat, so that I could be sure there was food for her.
She said, "I don't want to dictate the menu to the hostess."
That wasn't helpful. I pointed out to her that if I know she
can't have garlic or vinegar, I can choose a brussels sprouts
recipe that lets me do it differently (bacon was OK, so there we
were). Or I can set aside some salad greens before I toss the
scallions in.
And that if I, as the hostess, WANT to change the menu to
accommodate her, that's my right, and it's disrespectful for her
to decide that for me.
If she's worried about cross contamination, that's legit, though
I think she should say, "It's just too risky."
But it's actually far less enjoyable as a hostess to plan a menu
assuming that one of my guests won't be able to eat it. And if
I've engaged with her on the topic, she should participate. Tell
me you won't eat "composite" dishes because of the risk of
cutting board contamination, but you'll eat the ham.
Especially since it was me, and I have celiac, so I'm familiar
with all the risks. And I'm not going to argue that she should
eat the food. My problem was with not participating in the
exchange at all.
#Post#: 78555--------------------------------------------------
Re: Just don’t tell your guests you’re doing it for THEIR
benefit
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: January 30, 2023, 11:13 am
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--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
> [quote author=DaDancingPsych link=topic=2456.msg78499#msg78499
date=1674663639]
> Cash bars. I have seen cash bars being presented as "for your
convenience". You can't fool me; you just didn't want to pay for
the alcohol. That's fine, as it can be quite expensive and many
parties / gatherings don't require it. But then just don't have
an alcoholic bar. Offer the beverages that you can afford.
>
--- End Quote ---
I might mildly disagree with you here, especially if the hosts
do provide wine and beer, or maybe a signature cocktail.
There ARE guests who by gum want to drink what THEY want, and a
lot of it. And they'll **** about it. So an open bar shuts them
up, and the hosts are still offering hospitality.
[/quote]
I think that those sound like poor guests. If I want steak and
the hosts are surviving chicken, do I get to complain about it?
If I want chocolate cake and the hosts are offering red velvet,
would it be polite for me to make a scene? As long as the hosts
are offering something that suits the needs of the gathering
(and in most cases the beverage doesn't actually need to be
alcoholic), then I think as a guest I should accept what is
offered and keep my opinions to myself.
I would guess that in most cases that it's not actually the
guests making a scene (or preventing of one) that causes the
cash bars. I think that it's the venues pressuring for it. When
the hosts learn that a full bar is out of their budget, I am
guessing that the venue suggests or even forces the host to do a
cash bar (because they don't want to miss out on that money.)
#Post#: 78585--------------------------------------------------
Re: Just don’t tell your guests you’re doing it for THEIR
benefit
DIR By: Bada
Date: January 31, 2023, 3:31 pm
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Toots, your story reminded me if this (and given your full
username you'll probably appreciate it, lol).
A friend told me once about a retreat she was on with a bunch of
other women. The chef asked if they'd like eggs and how they'd
like them prepared. One by one down the line they said they
wanted eggs but refused so say how they liked them. Just however
you want to make them is fine.
They get to my friend, a New Yorker. She tells them she likes
them X method instead of pussyfooting around it. They thanked
her profusely for having an opinion and giving them direction to
the cooking.
Sometimes refusing to express an opinion can make the host's job
so much harder and not easier like they think! It's definitely
the flip side to the host saying they're doing something to make
it easier on the guest (but really making it harder).
#Post#: 78591--------------------------------------------------
Re: Just don’t tell your guests you’re doing it for THEIR
benefit
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: February 1, 2023, 1:40 pm
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Bada--especially with eggs!
I mean, not caring if your burger is medium well or well--that's
not too difficult.
But eggs.
Boiled (hard, medium, soft)
Over easy (hard, medium, soft)
poached (hard, medium, soft)
scrambled (firm, soft)
sunny side up (hard, medium, soft)
fried on both sides (hard, medium, soft)...
And they result in VERY different textures and even tastes
sometimes.
#Post#: 78593--------------------------------------------------
Re: Just don’t tell your guests you’re doing it for THEIR
benefit
DIR By: Rain
Date: February 1, 2023, 8:04 pm
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Just an aside for scrambled eggs some people, like me, like them
hard scrambled (a golden color)
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